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Brad Reed said on June 9th, 2009 at 9:52 am

That mural was painted by Mr. Weatherbee. Who was, at the time of the painting, also naked.

What Miss Grundy did, we shall not discuss. No. No, we shall not.

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I like Archie’s pose in the first panel, that swayback walk, like a old man’s conception of what teenagers probably look like when they stagger around with their big pants and their tiny bicycles.

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Bryce (mouser) said on June 9th, 2009 at 11:16 am

I read almost the entire thing before it clicked you were saying RONNIE and not REGGIE.

Seriously, that’s a completely different take on the situation…

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NCallahan said on June 9th, 2009 at 11:18 am

Jughead knows what dark secrets make cats scream like babies in the night.

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Lister Sage said on June 9th, 2009 at 11:25 am

I’m starting to think you should do a “I Should Write Archie” series.

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I second Lister.

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RobotKeaton said on June 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I came here to post exactly what Lister said.

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You are all fooled. Archie isn’t an idiot. He knows exactly what’s going on. He’s playing the entire town because that’s how he get’s his kicks.

He knows Betty is batshit crazy and striving for attention. He knows Jughead will always be trying to warn him of stuff that is absolutely obvious. He knows Veronica is vying for his attention because she doesn’t possess him yet. He knows all this attention thrown at him makes Reggie insane with jealousy.

Betty’s not a threat to Archie because he knows that all he has to do is mention that it was Jughead that made him choose Veronica and then alert the cops to Jughead’s place. True, Jughead would be lost in the transaction, but Moose is always waiting in the wings.

Archie is playing them all like a cheap fiddle. He’s the one calling this dance. The only reason he’s giving into Veronica’s attention is because he needs money to enact his master plan.

Whatever that may be.

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mygif

I’m now looking forward to someone bringing your vision of Archie to life in comic form.

Seriously, I’d pay for Alternate Universe Archie.

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What could the master plan be beyond “completely depraved threesome”? (Not that this is a bad master plan per se.) Although there are occasional escapades beyond it, the world of Riverdale is very circumscribed. I don’t think there’s even a Shelbyville.

No, I think the best Archie can get is some sort of Blue Velvet deal. And really, isn’t that enough?

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You talk like Betty being crazy is a bad thing. Is Harley Quinn being crazy a bad thing? Is Harley Quinn being obsessed with one guy a bad thing? The trick is to find a red-headed, plant-themed bombshell to redirect Betty’s lust towards. Now who in Archie Comics would fit that description?

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Do they ever explain why Betty’s murder attempts involve trees and wagons full of rocks? They can’t make her batshit insane enough to attempt murder over a canceled date, but not give her the guts for a good old-fashioned Riverdale drive-by.

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I keep thinking of wen SNL made fun of the Amy Fisher tv movies. That being said Betty Cooper is one messed up bitch!

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Lister Sage said on June 9th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

“…determined to fuck and ritually slaughter…”
“What Miss Grundy did, we shall not discuss. No. No, we shall not.”
“…to enact his master plan.”
“…“completely depraved threesome”…”
“…redirect Betty’s lust towards.”

All of this sounds like some depraved Archie meets Bible Black horrorshow.

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“The trick is to find a red-headed”
And here i thought we already had this conversation.
Dammit people! You won’t let me forget easily, right?

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Sofa King said on June 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm

I’m thinking when the Punisher came to town, he was chasing the good twin.

Not to mention, didn’t Archie used to have superpowers?

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Mad Scientist said on June 9th, 2009 at 5:04 pm

Aw, nuts — Sofa beat me to the Punisher reference. That was classic.

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Christian said on June 9th, 2009 at 8:52 pm

ever play The World Ends With You? those pins have psychic powers
my Bob Dylan pin ‘only’ has a one-inch needle on the back, in case somebody’s eye needs to be stabbed
anyway i’ve got a huge crush on a psycho. ‘if a bus should kill the both of us’ etc

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@Mad Scientist

Actually, I beat you both by referencing it on the June 3rd post of Betty is Crazy

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Even Red Hulk is afraid of Betty Cooper.

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solid snake said on June 10th, 2009 at 6:16 pm

Christian- the correct line is- if a doubledecker bus should kill the both of us to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
Sorry I’m a Smiths fan, as Betty (psycho Bitch) would probably be too.

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No, it’s “If a doubledecker bus crashes into us/To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die/And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us/To die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine.”

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solid snake said on June 10th, 2009 at 10:10 pm

I stand humbled and corrected.

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HitTheTargets said on June 10th, 2009 at 10:47 pm

All I know is the Bro Code doesn’t cover murderous stalkers. The Ol’ Cajuglehead needs to get out while he still can.

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