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mygif

What exactly, then, is a crumpet? And does it really go THAT well with tea?

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mygif

British cuisine is horrible, but then, cuisine tends to range between “overrated” and “bad” anyway. British Pub Food, on the other hand, is quite good, and they’ve got great ethnic food (especially Indian).

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mygif

Stilton with crushed peppercorns. SO. GOOD.

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Llelldorin said on August 16th, 2009 at 10:08 pm

A crumpet is a pancake-ish thing that you make with yeast and honey instead of sugar and baking powder. A metal ring is used to make it stand taller than a pancake would.

They’re good in exactly the same way a pancake is: “Hmm… this can’t possibly be good for me. I’d better put on loads of butter, clotted cream, and jam.”

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mygif

well and truly walloped.

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mygif

Oh. My. Sweet. Baby. Jeebus! I love the deep fried Mars bar!! It is glorious, and I was fed one in Edinburgh, not Glasgow. Regardless, it is a food experience that actually made me orgasm. Srsly.

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Agent Womble said on August 16th, 2009 at 11:00 pm

I feel Glasgow’s been unfairly maligned. Sure we have one of the highest obesity and heart disease rates in Europe but we exchange that for some fantastic food. The Ubiquitous Chip in the west end does some of the best Scottish cuisine around and a high number of Italian immigrants means you’ll not lack for great pasta. But I agree that deep fried mars bars are in fact the most vile substance known to sentient life.

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Marionette said on August 16th, 2009 at 11:13 pm

I find it’s generally referred to as scotch whiskey, although of course it is also Scottish. I’m told in Glasgow they’ll deep fry almost anything; a friend of mine once encountered deep fried pizza.

For the benefit of Americans, “English muffins” are just called muffins here, or occasionally crumpets, depending on how accurate your “English muffin” was in the first place. What you call muffins are referred to in the UK as muffins.

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mygif

This is the most appetizing your food has ever sounded, which I believe was the point.

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I buy about 30 dollars worth of British Candy in a month. I love Fudge and Double Decker,and the amount of delicious Black Currant flavored confections makes me very happy.

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Therealmatthare said on August 17th, 2009 at 4:00 am

Coyote has it right – we’ve got great sweets! Why no mention of Cadburys? I’ve been unfortunate enough to taste the brown cardboard that passes for chocolate in the new world and we really don’t know how lucky we are.

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Paul Wilson said on August 17th, 2009 at 5:36 am

It’s not just Glasgow, I lived in Edinburgh for eight years and I’ve either had or seen someone with:

Deep-Fried Pizza
Deep-Fried Mars Bar
Deep-Fried Snickers
Deep-Fried Creame Egg!!

Scottish Cuisine is awesome!

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mygif

Ulster Fry. That is all.

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solid snake said on August 17th, 2009 at 6:48 am

I’m from America and am horrified after hearing about the newest big selling hot state fair foodstuff, (foodstuff used loosely hear mind you). The substance in question is CHOCLATE COVERED BACON. I am not making this up.

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mygif

I’m glad people have jumped to the defence of my home town of Glasgow, but I feel I must make a stand on behalf of haggis and black pudding. Fair enough, there are bad examples of each, but a quality haggis or black pudding is a thing of joy. Charles Macleod of Stornoway does a particularly fine black pudding for example. And Straviagin in Glasgow will serve you a cracking haggis, neeps and tatties.

Its perhaps not the best idea to do too much research on either items ingredients before tucking in though.

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mygif

One more thing:

IRN BRU FTW!

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mygif

I saw generic Irn Bru in a supermarket once. “Iron Brew”, it called itself. Bizarre. But then I’ve always thought Irn Bru was foul anyway.

The cool thing about crumpets is that the yeast fills them full of holes — see? — so the butter/jam/honey/whatever you’re having yourself sinks down inside and soaks it. Yum.

Oh! And Cornish pasties. Vegetables and (traditionally) meat (but there are vegetarian versions as well) inside savoury pastry. There’s a chain that has stands in railway stations all over Britain that sells decent Cornish pasties. And their own-brand water is called “Pirate Water”.

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Paul Wilson said on August 17th, 2009 at 11:34 am

I will say this for the record as well:

Haggis is fricking awesome! Half the English people who turn their noses up at it will then go eat a sausage without a second thought. Quick hint: A Haggis will at least be made from the named parts of an animal.

I spent the first 30 years of my life avoiding Haggis until my sister’s wedding when I tried it and loved it. Doesn’t have to be the whole deal either, try it as stuffing for chicken as a more flavorful alternative to sage & onion. (My mother makes this with a creamy whisky & leek sauce which has to be tasted!)

If you’re a meat eater, you should enjoy it. Let’s face it, if you actually thought about what your food contained, you’d go veggie anyway!

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mygif

I’m a yank who spent 8 months in (where else?) Glasgow a few years back. I had plenty of good (if perhaps a bit fatty) food while there. I was addicted to kebabs and meat pies while there. Sausage rolls were also a favorite.

So while I can’t say I enjoyed much of your high class English cuisine, I am quite a fan of the foods and I laugh any time a movie of TV show makes it seem like all your food is rubbish.

Also, Whisky, Irn Bru, and the varieties of beer make nearly any meal palatable. 🙂

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mygif

Talking of kebabs: if you can find one, do try a Donner Pizza. Fantastic idea, and incredibly hard to do wrong.

Hmm, wonder if I could get that deep fried? (Most deep fried pizzas only come with cheese and tomato).

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mygif

Argh, Irn Bru tastes like bubble gum!

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mygif

Mmm, Irn Bru! Wish I could find it cheaper than $2 a can, here!

OTOH, while I have had some excellent beers during my trips across the pond, Americans in the know will continue to mock Britons mocking North American beers, because we know that the quality-brewing divide that so long separated us in greater degree than the Atlantic is long since gone. I’ll put Rogue, North Coast, and (Quebec’s own, if I may borrow from our Northern neighbours) Unibroue against anything produced over yonder, and we’ll all clink “Cheers” and be merry!

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mygif

I realise you were listing old fashioned olde worlde foods.. But an essay on British foods needs to mention we also invented most of the good indian food, certainly the sort of “indian food” you get in takeaways in most places, the way its made and choice of ingredients comes from Britain as well as some curries entirely invented here.

And obviously, we get all the perfectly good continental food imported here in ridiculous amounts and have foreign restaurants of every description everywhere and as much choice in our markets as you could get anywhere, some fine chocolates, which makes the old “the English have bad food” joke as cutting edge as calling us “limeys”.

We are horrible nationalists and football criminals though, those stereotypes are accurate.

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mygif

Also pasties and proper (as in meat filled) pies are excellent. Oh and scones. Man, I am so hungry now.

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mygif

Deep fried mars bars are the work of the devil, but not solely a Scottish deal – I’ve found a place that sells them in Kent, deep in the south east. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they will deep fry anything you care to bring them. That includes Yorkies. I almost died after that one.

Add to this that Irn Bru and vodka seems to be gaining momentum as the swill of choice for the terminally stupid around london, and the scots have much to answer for.

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mygif

I’m sorry but I can’t even process the fact that you would consider cheese as one of the few good british food items.

First of all, all of the british cheeses I ever tasted were not only heated but pasteurized, which tampers with the taste of the cheese, making it blander that it should be.

Second, all british cheese are very similar in taste, and do not have really pronounced taste to begin with. For exemple, the main reason you rinse stinking bishop with perry is to make the taste more proeminent (more or less the effect that red wine has on most cheese), because most of the time, just like mozzarella, stinking bishop is basically tasteless (with the exception of the very good ones).

And three, it is not like there is a huge variety of british cheese to choose from, unlike say french cheese. There must be maybe 18 dinstinct british cheese.

So, if I can only agree that cheese is indeed awesome, the brits, IMHO, certainly do not do it exceedingly well. In fact, I don’t think they do it well at all.

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mygif

You have to go to farmers markets for good food in Glasgow. We don’t buy enough local produce and have a diet high in fat and sugar. Deep-fried pizza is pretty commonplace. Takeaway curries and Chinese food are also very popular.

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Dr Paisley said on August 19th, 2009 at 10:12 pm

I am madly in lust with the author, though I must say I had nothing but excellent food in Glasgow when I was there in ’05 for the Worldcon (I was the guy in the paisley kilt). But I didn’t have any fried candy bars or pizza. But speaking of pizza, what is up with corn as a topping?

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scarecrowprophet said on August 25th, 2009 at 12:44 pm

those of you being circumspect about british cheese, know that it is one of the few reasons to keep staying in britain. unlike decadent continental cheese it does not ooze off your plate or force entire streets to be evacuated with its smell; it tastes great, has lots of interestingly different varieties and it stays on the damn cracker.

also, insufficient adoration for British Indian food here, which was invented here, so counts, and is the world’s best cuisine.

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