So for everybody else in Canada it is “Thursday” but for me it is Thanksgiving II because my dad is American and he always insists on having Thanksgiving on American Thanksgiving but my mom is Canadian so she always insists on having Thanksgiving on Canadian Thanksgiving, and eventually they compromised by having two Thanksgivings. I think this is one of the reasons I have such a sunny welcoming personality. Think how much more awesome you would be if you got to have Thanksgiving twice a year. That’s basically how I am all the time.
So I am taking the day off. MGK has to go to school because, hey, future lawyer. But I know where he keeps his emergency key and besides I need to get some bagels and he always has the best bagels. He is, like, fanatical about his bagels. Seriously, you want to distract MGK, the way to do it is to tell him about this great bagel you had and then be sure to mention how soft and bready it was, and then he’ll look at you like you’re a dumbass and say “that’s not a bagel” and then he’ll forget whatever it is you wanted him to forget, although you will have to go through a five-minute lecture on why Montreal-style bagels are the only bagels and everything else is just a round bun with a hole in the middle.
Anyway, MGK knows where to get his favorite type of bagel and I don’t, so I just steal his bagels. (He doesn’t need the carbs anyway.) Which is why I’m using his computer right now. Well, no, that just explains why I’m here, not why I’m using his computer. See, while I was walking over here I had an idea for a villain named Dr. Doctor (“he has a bad case… of hurting you!”) and I wanted to check to see if anybody had used that yet because he would be a great baddie for Tomcats 12: Sexy Medical School. And it looks like I’m good!
Speaking of sexy medical school, I went out on a date with a doctor last week! She was a urologist, which I thought girls were not allowed to do but I guess I was wrong. (Stands to reason, when you think about it. I mean, guys can be gynecologists, right? Fair is fair. I am glad we live in such a liberated society.) Anyway, I told her about Dr. Doctor and she didn’t quite get it. Of course, she didn’t quite understand why I’m called Flapjacks either although I explained it, like, three times. Is it possible for doctors to be slow on the uptake? Is that, like, even allowed? I think there should be a test where you kind of point behind a doctor and say “OH GOD A MONSTER” and if they look then they lose their medical license or something. You don’t want to be treated by a doctor who believes in monsters, right?