“We’ve ensured the apocalypse, girls – our work here is done!”
“Well, well. Looks like Mama Grizzly’s got a chocolate craving!”
“It’s their child, they get to eat it. Fair’s fair.”
“The hard part was getting the drugs past the secret service and into the drink.”
“And they say we’re not socially relevant!”
“Don’t get excited, that’s Tina Fey.”
“Well that’s much less tacky than a cigar!”
“Just look how progressive we are, girls. Now Riverdale’s got a SECOND black person!”
“That noise you just heard was Andrew Sullivan’s head exploding.”
“It took all night, but our submission for the ‘Cardboard Standie That No One Would Believe If It Weren’t So Realistic’ contest is finally ready!”
“We had to destroy thousands of alternate Earths to make this happen, but it was totally worth it!”
“So, long story short: Jughead switched brains with the President. Also, he’s into cougars now.”
Two parties, one cup!
“Don’t worry. Soon we’ll know who has the poisoned straw.”
“Didn’t I say I could bring Obama, Palin and Santorum together?”
My first thought was, “All right! An interracial couple in Riverdale! Veronica, grab the rope, we’ll get these two to the lynching tree!”
“I saw this in a porn movie once.”
“Sleepwalking’s a bitch.”
“This is sure to make Fox news spontaneously combust!”
“I’m totally gonna tap that ass!”
2 Candidates/1 Cup
Important social message: delivered! I guess.
“I guess even politicians can enjoy the simple pleasure of blowing bubbles through their drinking straws.”
This makes two signs of the Apocalypse on this cover alone.
“Once we’d blinded them, the rest just fell into place.”
Hey girls! Do Jughead and Dilton seem… different to you?
“Don’t all those pesky wars and economy woes just melt away when we pretend to vaguely respect each other?”
“I think this crossover with Bluewater publishing is gonna work out just fine!”
Now what the fuck are we going to do for Part 2?
The fool! He’s spent the past year building up an immunity to iocane powder!
I didn’t know Chuck was into MILFs!
“Apparently, once you go Barack, you don’t go back.”
“Hey look, somebody who’s crazier than Betty!”
“Christ, what an asshole.”
(Al Ewing for the win!)
“See? I told you she caught Osama!”
“Gosh, girls, another outbreak of jungle fever! We have to find a cure right away!”
“Well, we gave ‘em both Valium and took away her rifle. Let’s see what happens next!”
Iocane! I’d bet my life on it.
“Considering they *are* drinking our milkshakes – yes, they are drinking them up – should we be this happy about it?”
“All we have to do now is wait for the extasy to take effect, and Phase One of Operation: Super-Candidate will be complete!”
“Miscegenation, eh? Well, fuck it. We just got one of them gays last week, might as well call it a party!”
“What an honor! The president is gonna have my sloppy seconds!”
“All this peacemaking has made me forget whether we are inside or outside of the malt shoppe!”
And there’s more to come:
Hey don’t mean to threadjack but Everyone (or just about) considers the Republican party and conservatives to be racists. But you people are completely silent on Loretta Sanchez:
So are the Vietnamese the enemy too?
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