“Oh, hi Betty. Archie is taking a bath upstairs.”
“Excellent grappling skills, Miss Cooper! Now all that’s left before you graduate to full-on female DC sidekick is to be tortured, raped or infected with AIDS. I’ll go get my address book.”
“Point of order, Betty. Remember the bad brain goes in the monster, the good brain goes on the floor. Or is that what you’re using them for.”
“No, Ms. Cooper, I expect you to die!”
“Oh! Betty! I didn’t expect you…here! Scaling the wall! Let me just put on my Archie Loyalty Pin, I…I removed it so it…wouldn’t get ruined in the wash! Yes! Haha! No need to kill Mr. Weatherbee today, right?”
“Actually, I said your English paper was repellent, but upon see you like this, it all becomes clear to me why your grades in this class are so low.”
“Good news Ms. Grundy! Looks like I found our third!”
“You’ve recovered the Grail! The world is saved!”
“Wait, how DID you get Archie to fit in that box???”
At last! My bimbo has arrived!
“I know this is unorthodox, but… Yes Betty, Suicide IS the answer.”
You kids and your swing dancing; I’ll never understand. I’m a shag man myself. Wanna see?
“Come back in five minutes. This thong chafes like a BITCH.”
“Veronica is still the fairest! Jughead gave you a pig’s heart in that takeout box!”
“It seems, in your anger…you killed her.”
Are you familiar with the Rope-Eating Rat, Betty? They can be troublesome to raise, being indigenous to far more tropical climes, but I think you’ll soon realize what benefit they can have for a man in possession of what others may think to be a valuable artifact.
That looks fun! Now it’s my turn to be Spider-Man and YOU can be J. Jonah Jameson!
“I’m sorry miss Cooper, but I do believe the correct phrase is ‘yippee kayay motherfucker’, kayaks have nothing to do with it.”
“Actually, this is the Naboo Office for Quislings and Collaborators. The Viceroy is another three stories up.”
“Don’t you realize the rope is covered in kerosene? And Kevin just struck a match?”
Insert not-so-original reference to the film Se7en here.
Veronica’s head is in that box. Betty wants Archie to become her Wrath…
Ah Betty, I see you’re arriving to class early today.
No! This was exactly the mistake that Aristotle made! The additional weight will have no influence over your gravitational acceleration! In fact, one would expect a slightly negative contribution owing to the aerodynamic drag of the container!
“Fifteen minutes and twenty seconds! Excellent, now let’s see how you do when the badger isn’t tranquilized!”
Ahh, fuck it, I’ll be topical.
“Hold on. The techs will get you down ASAP. Ladies and gentlemen, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark will now be taking a thirt-forty… forty minute intermission.”
Thank you and good night.
“Your mission… if you choose to accept it…”
“Once again, Betty, we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away!”
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