“She’s lying to you, Archie! That’s no way to get rid of freckles!”
“That’s really not the best way to pop a zit, Andrews.”
“Damn, Archie. I know Squirrel Girl rejected you, but don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?”
We know you’re in there, Doiley!
Archie! I said there was going to be another erection!
“Don’t think I’ll let you kill yourself, Archie! Betty and Veronica already called dibs!”
“I had the same reaction when I discovered I was making out with my cross-gender clone…”
A few more minutes of this and we’ll have a heavy metal album!
Walked in on Weatherbee & Grundy’s “morning meeting,” huh? I’ll go get the flask of forget juice out of my locker…
(musical notes) Spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam, wonderful spam! (musical notes)
“Your feeble neck muscles are no match for my telekinetic powers!”
Anywhere else this would be unusual!
I don’t think this is bringing that erection under control. It’s only getting larger.
Even death will not release you.
“Have you heard the Good Word, Archie? Harper is God’s choice and as a good Christian I am going to convert all I can to His Ways…”
“Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself… No, dude, seriously, stop hitting yourself.”
“Oh God, Archie, you didn’t seriously try to figure out X-Men continuity, did you?”
“Yeah, Arch, if I’d made a pass at my own cousin, I’d probably do the same thing.”
“I thought you knew she was a guy when I set you two up together! boy, do I have egg on my face.”
You used ‘Wham’ twice! Pay up Andrews.
“But how fresh are your rhymes?”
‘Arch, “The Girl Is Deaf” does not automatically translate to “Communicate Only In Morse Code”…’
“Yeah, Arch, it wasn’t cool of Robin Roberts to bring up Valerie.”
“Archie, I know you’re upset; we haven’t graduated from this school in decades and you flunked the final yet again, but this won’t help.”
“Your cousing just told you that you got her pregnant?”
“So you can make different sounds by hitting your head off the locker at different angles. I’m not sure this is a useful life skill.”
“Archie, what the hell, I saw her bra too and I’m not freaking out!”
“Your own clone, Andrews! Now neither of you will be virgins!”
“Christ, what an Asshole!”
“There has to be a better way to get to the 21th Century, Arch.”
“All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of the mind.”
“I’m not saying your blowjob technique isn’t impressive, Arch, I’m saying you could demonstrate it just as well standing a little further back.”
I think she expected something else when she suggested you ‘bang one out’.
Sweeps week be damned, crossover episodes never work! What will Woody Woodpecker be able to do with a malted milk, I ask you?
Thank you, ma’am!
WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU
“That’s not going to get rid of the implants Betty and Veronica put in your head, Arch.”
“Just realized you’re a perpetually never aging teenager for the last seventy years, did you?”
“No fair appealing to girls’ S&M predilictions, Andrews! That’s MY domain!”
“Have you ever considered just turning the stupid knob on the lock?“
“Amazing! You move your head, and he’s COMPELLED to move his!”
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