“AW SHIT SON IMMA GONNA SPRAY MAH GUTS ALLOVER THIS TABLE YO”
“A-Archie… Archie I think you are too drunk for this.”
Imma let you finish, but… You’re going with the greatest Archie masturbation panel of all time? OF ALL TIME???
“Aw, yeah, blueberry stuffing indeed.”
“MISS GRUNDY! Archie’s just stuffing the pie down his pants again!”
“Okay, homosexuality I get, but feeder sex…?”
“Shut up and keep eating.”
-Can’t… eat… any more…
-No, Archie! This is the only way to stop them from winning Wimbledon!
“I don’t know about this Mr Weatherbee.”
“Trust me Archie, Two men, One pie is going to be an internet sensation.”
Archie: I’ve got a stomach ache, Mr. Ford.
Rob Ford: Respect for Taxpayers! Stop the Gravy Train!
“This is absolutely the last time I lose a bet with Reggie about who gives the blowjob.”
“You lost what now?”
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Hate to break it to you, but Lard Ass Hogan is gonna beat you to it.”
“Ever since that mysterious blonde blur lopped off my left hand, I’ve felt groggy. What’s the floor show, again?”
“Titus Andronicus, I think…”
“Such was the service we had given you and were glad and willing to give. What did we ask in return? Nothing but freedom. We required that you leave us free to function-free to think and to work as we choose-free to take our own risks and to bear our own losses-free to earn our own profits and to make our own fortunes-free to gamble on your rationality, to submit our products to your judgment for the purpose of a voluntary trade, to rely on the objective value of our work and on your mind’s ability to see it-free to count on your intelligence and honesty, and to deal with nothing but your mind. Such was the price we asked, which you chose to reject as too high. You decided to call it unfair that we, who had dragged you out of your hovels and provided you with modern apartments, with radios, movies and cars, should own our palaces and yachts-you decided that you had a right to your wages, but we had no right to our profits, that you did not want us to deal with your mind, but to deal, instead, with your gun. Our answer to that, was: ‘May you be damned!’ Our answer came true. You are.”
“Just eat the goddamn pie, Archie.”
I love these. Where else can you find, in succession, references to Stephen King, Shakespeare, and Ayn Rand?
Archie: Why did we do that to poor Jughead?
Weatherbee: Keep eating, Andrews! We’ve come too far for regrets!
“Man, all I do is eat, eat, eat!”
“I’m sure Reggie and Jughead wouldn’t mind switching segments with you as the ‘head’ of your human centipede, Archie. Count your blessings.”
“Death would be a sweet release.”
“I sought it once myself, but its blessing is kept far from Riverdale.”
“Just eat the goddamn pie.” – I wish that had been the line immediately after the filibuster of sullshit at the tail of Atlas Shrugged.
“I don’t see why it has to be SPAM pie.”
“Only way to counter Lemonade Sky!”
“I don’t get it. Darkseid uses the Anti-Life Equation to take control of our souls and minds, and all he’s doing is making us eat endless amounts of pie?”
“That’s why it’s called PIE-HOLE CRISIS, Archie!”
“What happened to the lower crust?”
“Should’ve held out for one of those Hostess ad deals.”
“Personally, I thought Ronnie’s argument was half-baked and tasteless.”
“So are her kidneys! HEY-OH!”
“Geez, trying to eat all this pie is tougher than explaining to women why they deserve less pay for the same work!”
“Oh, I am SO going to take that out of context and burn you on the Internet with it!”
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