31
May
Ripley’s Improve It… or Archie!
Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time PartySearch
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37 users responded in this post
“I told him to make a sniper’s nest in case Betty shows up on the telescope with a machete in one hand and a wedding ring in the other, but noooooooo Archie still thinks with his d*ck. The second Betty sees this island, we’re all doomed!”
“What amazes me is that he actually gets them to take their bikini bottoms off to check the curtains/carpet correlation!”
You can see why we keep this species of redhead under close supervision. It’s the only way to prevent unfortunate incidents.
With THAT rig? OF COURSE he can see anus!
Archie is recipient of a grant from the Joe Francis nature conservancy.
(and Jim Smith goes OLD SCHOOL)
“And so he begins the tally for the culling. We should leave before he completes it, so he doesn’t force us to participate.”
Ole Wafflehead is still new to the peepin’ game.
That’s what we call overcompensation.
“The only way to survive on this island is to appease the smoke master, and it demands sacrifice. Dilton, I think I have found the perfect candidate.”
“He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Dilton? Do we seek out things to covet? We begin by coveting things we see everyday…”
“You have to admire the lengths he goes to just to provide beards for Reggie and himself.”
“No, Dilton, I don’t know why the crawlspace in Archie’s house smells bad either…”
…and that’s why this side of the board is labeled “bald”.
Someone should tell this guy that stalkers are supposed to be subtle….
“He adds a tick to the ‘Red Heads’ category every time he glimpses himself in one of his mirrors, so the numbers are garbage.”
“The eugenics program is really paying off!”
“I see you got a volunteer to count victims for your mechanical shark project.”
Misogyny? Ageism? Fat Prejudice? It’s just a circus to stop us from asking where all the black people went.
“What’s the lesson? That it’s okay to treat women like sex objects as long as you’re totally awesome about it.”
“He does know they’re all underage, right?”
–OR, TO FOLLOW AN OLD MEME–
“Christ, what an asshole.”
So while we sink in this quicksand I’ll explain the ‘erection’ at the end of the beach.
It’s actually a laser. See? He burned my nipples off.
“But who’s having more fun? Can he answer me that?”
“No, you see, Dilton, the arm-mirror is so that he can keep scanning the beach while he’s jerking it; this allows for constant stimuli and OH DEAR LORD WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUN?!!??? IT’S ALL BLUE AND ORANGE AND SWIRLY AND… OH FUCK!! IT’S THE END, DILTON!!! THE END OF EVERYTHING!!!!”
“And that is precisely the goal of your morality, the duty that your code demands of you. Give to that which you do not enjoy, serve that which you do not admire, submit to that which you consider evil-surrender the world to the values of others, deny, reject, renounce your self. Your self is your mind; renounce it and you become a chunk of meat ready for any cannibal to swallow.”
“I still can’t believe he’s just letting them all drown.”
SOMEDAY SON
ALL THIS WILL BE YOURS
BUT FIRST IT MUST BE MINE
“See, THIS is the shit you don’t do. Just go talk to them, for God’s sake don’t catalog while there’s tail to be had.”
A careful census beforehand will enable the final solution to be carried out more efficiently.
“Ah, let him do what he wants. This whole universe is getting rebooted next month anyway.”
“Of course, he got MINE because these pecs are sharp enough to cut lemons on, but I don’t get why he went after you, Dilton. Even WITH legs, you couldn’t get a gay seagull to fuck you.”
“Well, Dilton, he stole the idea from a Batman comic where- oh, never mind. Look, he’s going to ask you to become ‘The Girl Watcher of Riverdale High’. Just do me a favor and humor him until his thorazine kicks in.”
Sure, it’s all fun and games until Betty strafes this beach. That’s what the trench is for…
“And that’s why there’s been so many side view mirrors stolen. Let’s leave before Veronica comes here and buries him up to his ankles.”
“I can’t believe this series is still being published!”
and here we see justification for ever negative male stereotype.