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“Just think – later on, he’ll be plunging a syringe of adrenalin into her chest.”

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Joe Mama said on July 13th, 2011 at 9:33 am

“That jukebox hasn’t worked in years! My God, ARCHIE CAN FART ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC!”

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Maybe I could make a prom dress from my upholstery…

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Odd King said on July 13th, 2011 at 9:58 am

Another night of fun and merriment at the Chok’lit Shoppe. Forever young or middle-aged or whatever we are. They’re never going to graduate, go anywhere, be anything. And I will never step from behind this counter. We are all trapped here, forever.

Maybe I would still be smiling, too, if I were still their age. No failures, no compromises, no grand ambitions dashed on the rocks of a bigger world.

It is better that they do not know. I will stay here and smile and make my milkshakes, and they can keep dancing like there is no tomorrow.

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That Guy said on July 13th, 2011 at 10:02 am

Jughead, if those relaxants you slipped into Cooper’s sundae don’t do what you say they do, you’ll be cleaning the blood of the ceiling.

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PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!

(because this)

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MonkeyWithTypewriter said on July 13th, 2011 at 11:11 am

I aM TORgo. I Take CARe oF THe pLaCE whILE the MASTer is awAY.

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“If only that guy knew that his date had a penis.”

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I guess after the dancing is when they are planning to shag on the dance floor?

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“…wait…wait…don’t move…don’t move…don’t — AH! Finally got that little booger!”

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All the years I’ve been waiting for that kid’s ass to explode during a date, and now that it’s happened, I just feel… hollow…

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GoatToucher said on July 13th, 2011 at 3:05 pm

“Ah, for days when I was young and could dance with my girl while my ass flashed with light…”

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“Archie’s first slipped disc. The boy is becoming a man.”

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Why is Betty smiling? We know Betty shouldn’t be smiling when Archie is with Veronica.

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Mounting that shotgun inside the jukebox was an *excellent* idea. Dance your way off my lawn now, kids!

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Billigerent said on July 13th, 2011 at 7:41 pm

“Just think, one day MGK will be writing about kids I actually know on his SYTYCD blogging and I’ll still skip it.. *sigh*”

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The Crazed Spruce said on July 13th, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Huh. Guess beans really are the musical fruit…

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Which one of these two will I try to jam my hairy, sausage-like fingers into later, readers? You can help decide by voting at http://www.assmalt.com!

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MGK’s site created the above link all on it’s own… Sadly, it does not lead to a real “assmalt” website.

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“Man, that jukebox better pay off now that I’ve cut service down to just one table to make room for the dance floor.”

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“Another date saved – thanks to my trusty Ass-Zapping Jukebox!(tm)”

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Zach Butler said on July 14th, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Where are Betty’s hands? Seriously where the fuck are Betty’s hands? Look at her face. Now remember what we already know about Betty. Look at that. She’s masturbating at the Chock’lit Shoppe, thinking about Archie while he is dancing with Veronica.

At least Jughead has the decency to look away?

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Vellocet said on July 18th, 2011 at 2:25 am

Yeah boy, shake that ass you sexy waffleheaded bitch.

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