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OH GOD THEY’RE BITING ME! HELP ME! HEL–EEEARRRGGHGHGHGH!!!!

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If any doctors walk by here, they’re gonna explode!

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William Kendall said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:23 am

“Goddamned frosh week initiation pranks get more annoying every year! Fucking students! Kill them all!”

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I’m still canceling Firefly, you hear me Andrews!?

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Jack Balfour said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:25 am

“Danny Thomas put apples in my car!”

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“Commerce is so far from being beneficial to Arts or to Empire, that it is destructive of both, as all their History shows, for the above Reason of Individual Merit being its Great Hatred. Empires flourish till they become Commercial & then they are scattered abroad to the four winds.” – William Blake

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“All right! You win, God! My Applejack cosplay has gotten out of hand! I admit it! Either help me…or…or for heaven’s sake given me my cutie mark!”

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The Applocalypse is upon us! Save yourselves! Flee!

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Forgive me, Lord Jobs, I repent! I REPENT!!

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Why does this keep happening?!?

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Chiaroscuro said on October 19th, 2011 at 2:22 pm

“APPLEBLOOM! PINKIE PIE! I KNOW THIS WAS YOU!”

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“No! By swarming over me and vibrating, they’re raising my internal temperature, much like the honeybees’ natural defense against Japanese hornets! My brain… boiling… GRAHH-” (head explodes)

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Damn you Friendly Neighborhood Pile of Apples!!

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Liars! There aren’t that many teachers in this school!

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“The goggles do nothing! NOTHING!”

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Oh, yes! God, yes! More! You know what I like.

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“FUCKING NEWTON!!!!!”

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Mitchell Hundred said on October 19th, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I know I wanted to keep the doctor away, but this is ridiculous!

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I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I DON’T LIKE DEM APPLES!

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GoatToucher said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:28 pm

C-can’t… stop… shitting… APPLES!

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GoatToucher said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I thought one of Milton’s Apple Enzyme injections a day would keep me healthy, but now look what’s happening to me! I’m changing… turning into the very thing I thought would save me!

WHAT HATH SCIENCE WROUGHT!

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“SCHUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLTZZ!!”

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MarvinAndroid said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:38 pm

“What is the nature of the guilt that your teachers call his Original Sin? What are the evils man acquired when he fell from a state they consider perfection? Their myth declares that he ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge-he acquired a mind and became a rational being. It was the knowledge of good and evil-he became a mortal being. He was sentenced to earn his bread by his labor-he became a productive being. He was sentenced to experience desire-he acquired the capacity of sexual enjoyment. The evils for which they damn him are reason, morality, creativeness; joy-all the cardinal values of his existence. It is not his vices that their myth of man’s fall is designed to explain and condemn, it is not his errors that they hold as his guilt, but the essence of his nature as man. Whatever he was-that robot in the Garden of Eden, who existed without mind, without values, without labor, without love-he was not man.”

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MonkeyWithTypewriter said on October 20th, 2011 at 1:19 am

“The seeds of crime bear bitter fruit!”

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Quickly, my apple friends, into the car. You press the pedals and I’ll steer.

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The apples have reached critical mass! I’m changing, changing into… The Grocer! (and his sidekicks, Apple-in-a-Hat and The Shoes).

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Well that’s one miracle. Steve Jobs is only 2 miracles away from being the saint that everyone thinks he is.

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“Fuck you, Steve Jobs!”

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Argh, argh! Mac Autobot innards!

{I’ll stop now}

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“BEAR TRAP ON MY NUTS! IT’S JUST A BLIND FOR THE BEAR TRAP ON MY NUTS! SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!”

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I thought I’d seen the last of… Appleanche!

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MOOOOON RIVERRRRRRRR!

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Damn these hairless tribbles!

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Appleplexy!

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Is this meant as an apple-ogy?

[I’m really going to stop now]

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The Unstoppable Gravy Express said on October 21st, 2011 at 8:45 am

“iFUUUCCKKKK MEEEEEE!!!!”

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“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain…”

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Return of the killer apples

this summer

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The Unstoppable Gravy Express said on October 21st, 2011 at 2:01 pm

“HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT COMING??!!!?”

“SERIOUSLY, I HAVE CLEAR UNTINTED WINDOWS, HOW DID I NOT NOTICE ALL THE APPLES THAT MUST SURELY HAVE BEEN JAMMED AGAINST THEM NOT THREE SECONDS AGO?!?!??!!”

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Apparently apples do not insulate you from being struck by the lightning tree… maybe pears?

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Try again. You’ll get one in my mouth eventually.

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I gotta go with HrolfK: that word bubble looks like a lightning tree.

Also: “I’m sorry, Granny Smith! I’m sorry! I’ll never badmouth your fruits again!”

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GODDAMIT EVE, I WILL NOT EAT THIS MOTHERFUCKING FRUIT! DID YOU EVER CONSIDER I LIKE MY CAR BETTER THAN THE ABILITY TO TELL GOOD FROM EVIL?

(Caption: Archie Theatre Presents Yahweh Motors, Inc.: The Classic Creation Story Re-Told In The High-Pressure World Of Car Salesmanship. With Jughead Jones as Boss Yahweh, Midge “Sugar-Tits” Klump as Lily von Forktongue, Waldo “Sugar-Tits” Weatherbee as Little Joey Adam and Betty “Sugar-Tits” Cooper as Windshield Eve: The Girl Who Forgot How To Quit, And Indeed What She Was Meant To Be Quitting)

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Eric S. Smith said on October 24th, 2011 at 11:05 pm

“For the last time, Dilton, your bio-fuel scheme is impractical!”

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“I asked for pearbags!”

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(BTW: Is Mr. Bee’s car running? That cloud is rather low.)

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The more you stare at his mouth, the more you realise it’s an eye… staring back. Always staring back. Watching, always watching…

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