Dammit Archie, how many times do I have to tell you? Use a belt and a doorknob. You still get off just fine. I don’t see why you always have to overcomplicate this shit.
First David Carradine, now Archie. Eaugh.
I wondered what Betty was doing to that lamp…
“Just yank and out and pull. Damn.”
(I know, not unique, but at least I’m not cramming in so much in a small balloon)
I hope you die, you red-headed fuck.
“Where Young must torture his invention
To flatter knaves, or lose his pension.” – Jonathan Swift
Serves you right for dabbling in diabolic sorceries, boy.
“Be our guest, motherfucker.”
“TVtropes is gonna have a field day with this one.”
After all these years of marriage, finally you obey me.
“Do you /really/ love the lamp, or.. nevermind.”
I’m truly sorry it had to be this way, Archie. But after you left me for that tart Weatherbee, I knew how I was to end this game.
Oh, it’s just you, Archie.
“Um lampin, um lampin, um cole cole lampin
I got loowies boy, um not trampin
I just came from da-crib ya know
Um on da go-throw ya tank into metro!”
“Archie, stop harassing my genie. I killed a Turkish village of 3000 to trap it in that lamp, and have no wish to require doing again.”
“Well, the ‘Things that Archie HASN’T been raped by’ list just got smaller.”
“And I thought planking was stupid.”
“After you’ve finished him off, stop in my office to pick up your check.”
“Huh, they DO just go ahead and build better idiots.”
Ugh, what’s that lamp been eating?
Now, to thank Jonah for the tip and pay Smyth his fee
“… this is actually less embarrassing than the time I walked in on Jughead. That kid’s just _weird_”.
“If I don’t say anything, one problem in my life will be gone.”
Archie my boy, lamps are not the first things I’d think about to commit suicide you know?
“Thank god he decided to watch that Criss Angel special instead of von Trier’s ‘Antichrist’.”
“Well, at least now I know the answer to ‘Is Archie less competent than Derpy Hooves?'”
“When Gaston makes beans, we eat beans.”
I’ll phone the helpline.
“I swear, this is the last time I hire Martha Stewart to whack somebody.”
“Oh no… The machines have risen! Skynet is online! This is the end!”
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