B: Harvest time again, Archiekins! You’ve been fattening up that rump nicely for me, haven’t you?
A: Farrrzleee…ber bleee dur neim plaaa…
B: Good boy! Now bend over, I’ve got the Rothstein’s coming over from the other island and I want to make this the best brunch ever.
“Archie, I know it seems really strange to have eaten of the dead, really I do, but how else are we to survive on this desert island filled with grapes and vegetation to forage if we don’t have meat? And if that means murdering Big Ethel so that the rest of us can live, so be it. Come on down from that tree and come back to the feast.”
“She tasted like chicken, she tasted like chicken…”
“We all taste like Chicken, Archie. I’m sure when we get around to killing Veronica for food, she’ll taste like chicken too.”
– From this angle I’m seeing more than grapes dangling from the vine.
– As always with these, you’re resorting to references to my reproductive organ. How disappointing. But continue with your double entendre.
– Do you want pulling off or not?
B: Jungle toilet?
B: Just saying here, let this sink in: TOI-LET PAP-ER. Have a nice walk to the creek, Sticky Britches.
“I see a- ”
“I swear, Betty, you do another lame ‘I see anus’ joke and I will personally climb down from here, tie you up, and give you a merciless flogging!”
Betty: What are you eating, Archie?
Betty: I like grapes.
B: Archiekins! Those aren’t grapes! They’re…
A: The Eggs of the giant micronesian vine spider, and they’ll hatch in my gastrointestinal tract and devour me from within? Anything to get away from you, you miserable harridan!
B: … Well damn.
B: Archie! It’s another ship! We’ve got to set the signal fire!
A: After that last bunch ended up being pirates? No thanks. You might have escaped, but those fellows left me so agape that when the wind blows, my hindquarters sound like a hillbilly jug band!
—Come on, they have a point. Your outfit’s clearly derivative.
—Aw, nuts. I’d like to see them try to serve me up here.
—Copyright’s serious business, Archie, and Mr. Lodge owns 20% of Hanna-Barbera.
“A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity.” – Robert Frost
“I am the only man living who understands human nature; God has put me in charge of this branch office; when I retire there will be no-one to take my place. I shall keep on doing my duty, for when I get over on the other side, I shall use my influence to have the human race drowned again, and this time drowned good, no omissions, no Ark.” – Mark Twain
“Well, damn.” – Betty
“Hentai tentacle rape joke!”
“I pray for the release of death.”
“Hentai snuff tentacle rape joke!”
— What’s with all the grapes, Archie? You’re late as the guest of honor at the luau.
— Did you know, Betty, that pacific island princesses would peel grapes when they wanted to display a desire to serve a man?
— Oh, I know some ancient pacific islander techniques for How To Serve Man. Muhahaha!
Noah Brand wins 47 Internets.
“Dammit, Archie, I thought we came back in time to kill Cave-Hilter before he assassinates Cave-JFK.”
“Relax. If we screw it up, we can always just go back in time again and get a do-over. Besides, Og showed me this awesome cave fruit, and I wanted to enjoy it while we’re here.”
“We had grapes at home!”
“No, tentacle grape.”
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