We here at mightygodking dot com have, in recent days, seen a lot of nerds complaining about The Dark Knight Rises, which is the latest movie starring Batman and therefore something which will be controversial among nerds. In an attempt to placate those more outraged nerds out there, we offer up the following list of answers to your pressing issues with the new movie about Batman.
Why did they fake the physicist’s death in the plane at the beginning of the movie? What was the point of that?
The physicist was the only person in the world who knew how to turn (theoretical) fusion reactors into bombs, and the feds knew that Bane and his mercenaries were looking for said physicist. Accordingly, they fake his death so the reason they were looking for him specifically became a non-issue for the feds, who have enough on their plates as it is.
It’s stupid that Robin figured out that Batman was Batman by looking at him. He’s never even seen Batman as Batman before!
Well, look at it this way. Blake (not “Robin” – come on, a one-line off-joke to get the cheap recognition laugh does not a Robin make) suffered the same sort of tragedy as Bruce did, and when he saw Bruce, he saw that Bruce was doing the same thing. Then when Batman shows up, Blake thinks “well, you’d need a lot of money to do Batman stuff, like having YOUR OWN SUPER-TANK and stuff, and who do I know who has both a lot of money and the same burning desire to Stop Crime that I do?” And there you go.
As others have noted often enough: it is not terribly hard to figure out Batman’s identity if you are not willfully blind. I mean, fuck, Egghead managed to do it (almost) during the 60s TV series. And he was Egghead.
In any case, if during Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s speech about how he was traumatized for life by the deaths of his parents and how it changes you, your first reaction was “well how did he figure out Batman’s secret identity,” I would kindly suggest maybe you were concentrating on the wrong bit of the movie.
Why did they send ALL THE POLICE underground?
This is a fair comment and the movie’s biggest plot hole. Sure, they didn’t send ALL the police, but they sent the overwhelming majority, which is stupid.
So, yes, this is a plot hole. It does not make the movie bad. (The plot of Casablanca revolved around travel papers signed by De Gaulle – which would have been useless in Nazi-controlled Casablanca.)
How did that guy cure Batman’s back by punching him in the spin?
Eastern medicine or something.
Why does the prison in the middle of nowhere have cable TV?
Because Bane wants Batman to suffer, and Fox News will make you suffer like you would not believe, especially when you don’t get to watch Jon Stewart make fun of them. Bane is a bastard like that. I’m sure Sean Hannity’s nightly monologues about how the Gotham crisis “proves that we need to lower taxes” made Batman suffer like fuck.
How did Batman get from the prison back to Gotham? Why didn’t they show that?
This is a “why didn’t they show Batman doing his taxes, he must have to do taxes” argument. It is a long movie already, and (say) sneaking onto a boat is criminally easy for Batman. Because he is Batman. And there is no reason to show it, so they skipped it. This isn’t a plot hole. This is basic film editing.
How did Batman get onto the island which is supposed to be all locked down?
You realize that Batman’s entire deal is sneaking around and not being seen, right?
Why did those police officers just run at the hoods with machine guns instead of using modern tactics?
Because the point of their charge is not to demonstrate how to take a position using flanking maneuvers, but to demonstrate that Men Can Stand Against Evil, even if it means their own deaths. Really, aren’t nerds sick of the “tactics” argument by now? Must we treat every movie like it’s a fucking real-time strategy game? Is it not enough to see men charging at one another in an awesome manner?
Again: this is a movie about a man who flies around in a giant bat-thing which in real life would never get off the ground, and this is where you cannot suspend disbelief?
What about the fallout from the bomb?
They expressly said it was a neutron bomb at one point, and a neutron bomb wouldn’t create fallout (and the radiation would get mostly absorbed by the water anyway). It wouldn’t create a mushroom cloud either, to be fair, but mushroom clouds are awesome-looking, so the cheat is forgivable.
I don’t like grim and serious Batman. I like fun, energetic Batman.
Then go watch the Adam West series or Batman: The Brave and the Bold or read some old Batman comics from the 60s and 70s. Really, you have no end of options for fun, energetic (and campy) Batman. We are talking literally hundreds of hours of it you can watch, so I’m not sure why you’re complaining about this particular movie when, going in, you probably should have been able to figure out that maaaaaaaybeeeeee the third film in a Batman trilogy which has been extremely serious and grim in tone thus far would differ from the first two.