Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that’s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality-you who have never known any-but to discover it.
“So your boyfriend’s the Rocketeer, eh? Habit of kicking photographer’s asses? That’s alright, sugar. This is still worth it.”
“Man, these new high-def cameras really capture the plaid texture of your skin!”
Go, get the butter.
I love me some knee-cleavage, baby! Squeeze those knees!
“I love reenacting Law and Order: SVU crime scenes, don’t you?
Ronnie! That’s shame talking! You know what shame does? It stands between you and a half ounce of meth! Now let’s try this again, with shame standing over there in the corner!
“FYI, I’m asking you not to spread ’em not because I’m gay, but because I’m capable of taste and restraint. Bitch.”
“Trust me, Jughead, you look great!”
“Behold! The Moonchild emerges!”
“These shots will look great for your admission file to the Riverdale Mass Orgy, Ronnie… Miss Grundy’s had her eyes on your for awhile, you should know…”
“I’ve always wondered what your dad does with these pictures he has me take for him.”
Now stay asleep while I ease your top off.
Blow-up Dolls Monthly pin-up page, here I come!
“I’m proud of your guys. Fourteen punchlines and not one reference to ‘I see — ‘ OH, FUCK!!!”
Hmmm, that appears to be a rare Chilean Sniffling Moth under the couch. With this photo, the local lepidopteral community will be eating out of the palm of my hand.
“Oh yeah, oh yeah, just like that, work it baby, work it, yeah, yeah, take that off, yeah… wow… hey, I think I’ve got to spank the monkey, so to speak. Maybe you could spank my monkey for me?”
I’m doing my damnest to get this lady to wake up using a bright flash! C’mon, we gotta get you to Vespers!
“Golly, Miss Lane! Are you sure this will help us find out who Superman is?”
“What do you mean you want me to take a picture of your hood piercing? Does it have something to do with your car?”
“At last! Photographic proof of the Non-DeCarlo Girl! Next stop, the Riverdale Fortean Times!”
“You’re not the only one who can do cheesecake Decarlo! This should pay for Ethel’s homemade meth”
Now show me where the ping-pong balls come from!
“Heh-heh… Last dance w-with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pai-ai-ain… (Why’d you make me do it, Ronnie?) I feel s-summer creepin’ in and I’m (ha ha) tired of this town agaiiinnnn. (You’re an angel now, baby… My perfect angel…)”
Oh, get out the way! I almost caught the giant head watching us from the 3rd dimension.
Ah, ahhhh, my back has gone, my back!
She won’t have noticed me behind this camera. I mean, look at the size of the thing!
“Wait, isn’t this supposed to be a kids’ comic? What are we doing?!?”
You don’t imagine the publishers out there beyond the Fourth Wall are going to regret letting Hugh Hefner take charge for a month?
“By recreating the events leading up to the crime, we can solve the Black Dahlia case for sure!”
“Remember kids – creeper shots aren’t illegal, and neither is getting a woman in a bikini pass-out drunk!”
“Oh, Jesus! I think I just bit my own thumb in half!”
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