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mygif

“You clearly moved the Sexbot to the discount table. No sale!”

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Mitchell Hundred said on June 26th, 2013 at 9:50 am

I don’t care how safe your taxidermy practices are. I’ll only rent him out if you can guarantee that he’ll be returned without damages.

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NCallahan said on June 26th, 2013 at 10:27 am

“Whaddya mean, ‘the seal’s broken’?”

Also, the weirdest thing about this panel is the couple in the back really into Veronica’s old leather thigh-highs.

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mygif

I don’t think they’re thigh-highs… I think they’re just shoes-with-attached-greaves, for some reason.

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William Kendall said on June 26th, 2013 at 2:11 pm

“I said no!!! I’m the only one who gets to play Mistress Veronica, Dominatrix of Humiliation, with Archie!”

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Smileyfax said on June 26th, 2013 at 2:14 pm

“Damnit, Betty, slavery was abolished by the 13th amendment! I’ve told you time and time again, no human trafficking!”

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mygif

“He’s not a ventriloquist’s dummy! He just wants you to shove your hand up his ass.”

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Odd King said on June 26th, 2013 at 3:49 pm

You cannot put a dollar value on Archie’s love, Betty. You must bring me the heart of an innocent child, washed clean of blood by its mother’s tears.

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jcrharris said on June 26th, 2013 at 7:03 pm

Seems Nancy is looking forward to walking all over Chuck’s back in those boots when they play “The Safeword is Jughead”

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mygif

“Put the money away, Betty. You don’t want the ‘kinky boots,’ you just want to punch black people.”

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mygif

“The Supreme Court ruling was for gay marriage, not polygamous marriage… oh what the hell, sure, let’s both hitch to Archie and have awesome threeways.”

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mygif

“A private dance is three hundred. Five hundred and I’ll wear the boots.”

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mygif

“I’ll sell him to you, but the rules of ownership are clear: don’t get him wet, don’t feed him after midnight and don’t expose him to sunlight.”

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mygif

“No, Betty, the money is not for sale. Even if it were, creepy ventriloquist puppets are not an acceptable medium of exchange.”

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Bryan Levy said on June 27th, 2013 at 1:52 pm

“I don’t know a fair price. I don’t have to pay for it.”

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GoatToucher said on June 28th, 2013 at 8:14 am

Five bucks? Honey, this Archie Real Doll set me three grand!

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mygif

$10? I haven’t put a price on a single tag, why do all keep offering me money? It’s a metaphor – see? All of it is ultimately worthless. This is my art. ART…….. $1000 and it’s yours.

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mygif

“I never should have bought that vintage “Veronica’s Garage Sale” sign, now every time I open my damn door, this happens.”

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Desumaytah said on June 28th, 2013 at 6:14 pm

“Betty, now is not the time. There is clearly not enough room on any of these tables.”

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Vellocet said on June 29th, 2013 at 3:05 am

[DEAFENING OWL SCREECH]

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mygif

“For one used Archie, you have a deal — but by ‘used,’ I mean to say that Reggie’s hands have been everywhere.”

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Eli Balin said on June 29th, 2013 at 10:25 pm

“ghIchwIj DabochmoHchugh, ghIchlIj qanob.”

["If you shine my nose, I will give you your nose."]

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lance lunchmeat said on June 30th, 2013 at 8:58 am

Improvements for Archienon

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mygif

“That’s $20 for oral, $30 for straight sex, $40 for a half and half, and $60 for anal. You hand the money to me, ’cause I’m the pimp and Archie’s the ho.”

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mygif

Guy fingering the sweet spot, two firm balls, a couple of bags, a basket-case, some girl twiddling knobs, something shady just out of view, a g-string, some drawers, and thigh high boots, and you want ME to come up with an innuendo?

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mygif

“Your money’s no good here. Orders from the Weatherbee.”

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highlyverbal said on June 30th, 2013 at 9:41 pm

“Pay up, I won the bet. One dollar. We took a perfectly useless high school student like Archie, and turned him into a successful executive. Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Archie to high school.”

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