Thursday WHO’S WHO: Viking Commando
Every Thursday, mightygodking.com returns to the pages of Who’s Who, the classic 1980s DC comic book encyclopedia of their characters. Every week, a character shall be judged on the only scale scientific enough that matters: the Rex The Wonder Dog scale.
1.) Honestly, why DC have not brought back Viking Commando in some form is beyond me. He is a Viking who fights Nazis. Do I need to repeat that? A Viking who fights Nazis. I’m just going to say it again in case the pure cool factor has not sunk into someone’s brain here: a Viking who fights Nazis.
2.) The following are the lyrics to the theme song from the shortlived Japanese television series adaptation (title loosely translated: “Ancient Mighty Beard Warrior Versus Magic Hitler Dream Army”)
VIKING COMMANDO
VIKING COMMANDO
HE’S A NORMAL VIKING MAN TRANSPORTED FORTH IN TIME TO FIGHT THE HUNS
HE’S ARMED WITH A VIKING AXE THAT SOMEHOW BEATS PEOPLE WHO HAVE GUNS
VIKING COMMANDO
VIKING COMMANDO
HE WILL TOTALLY FUCK YOUR SHIT UP WITH HIS EIGHTH-CENTURY NORDIC WAYS
AND SOMEHOW HE KNOWS MODERN ENGLISH, NOW DOES THAT NOT AMAZE
VIKING COMMANDO
VIKING COMMANDO
3.) Valoric (IE, the Viking Commando) was originally going to be the star of The 13th Warrior until Antonio Banderas made it big. Then Antonio Banderas became somewhat less big in a hurry and the movie studios felt very, very stupid.
4.) Did anybody else notice that according to the writeup - that the Viking Commando, a warrior without peer, can’t die until he’s killed in battle? What happens if he can’t find someone capable of killing him in battle? Doesn’t that make him technically immortal? Damn, now I have to do a “I Should Write The Legion” where he shows up. The only thing better than a Viking with an axe and a machine gun is a Viking with an Atomic Axe and a psionic ray blaster.
5.) You just know he totally nailed Mademoiselle Marie at some point.
And the tale of the tape is…
Because he is a Viking who fights Nazis.
March 27th, 2008 la 8:31 am
Viking Commando is supposed to show up in..”War that Time Forgot”? I think thats it. Whichever DC book coming out that isn’t Checkmate that Bruce Jones will be writing…
March 27th, 2008 la 9:29 am
Ask him if he’s been to the Congo! Ask him if he knows Roland!
March 27th, 2008 la 9:58 am
I don’t what it was, but DC always had the lamest characters.
However, if he had a support team following a Viking motif, it would have made for an interesting live-action cartoon on late Saturday mornings in the 80’s - after all the cartoons were over and Land of the Lost and various crappy made-for-television movies started.
March 27th, 2008 la 11:49 am
Viking Commando would kick the Warrior Three’s arse. Well, except for Volstagg. But he’d thrash Hogun and Falstaff (?), then he and Volstagg would probably team up and beat down Loki (chick or not) for tricking them into fighting each other, then get some mead at a tavern.
March 27th, 2008 la 11:52 am
Don’t forget, ladies, he is is SINGLE!
That just cracks me up. Is this Who’s Who, or is this Full-Figured Feisty Single Mom Seeks Possibly Immortal Viking Who Fights Nazis? Am I really supposed to be worrying about which comic book person is available? Yeah, ok, DC, I’m a geek, and I’m not ashamed of that, but I’m not reading the comics to see which second string hero I could date, jeez.
March 27th, 2008 la 11:53 am
Or so you claim, Cookie. Or so you claim.
March 27th, 2008 la 1:19 pm
He has an axe and a gun. And seems oddly hairless (on the body) for a Norse guy in WWII… God, I hope he’s crazy. Nobody writes insane Vikings anymore!
BERSERKER RAGE +5
March 27th, 2008 la 1:46 pm
There are some concepts whose awesome exists independent of how they’re written.
Nazi-killing Viking with a machine gun is very clearly one of these concepts. I mean, the name alone tells you everything you could possibly want to know about him.
Thank you for bringing this guy to my attention. I will sleep a little better at night knowing that someone, somewhere, once had the idea of giving a Viking a machine gun and having him kill Nazis.
March 27th, 2008 la 3:29 pm
And he’s an advice columnist!
http://sevenhells.blogspot.com/2007/04/all-out-living-with-viking-commando.html
March 27th, 2008 la 3:46 pm
Looks likes DC’s answer to Marvel’s Ares, though I’ve never seen Ares fight Nazis, so he automatically loses that contest.
March 27th, 2008 la 11:19 pm
Maybe MGK should just take every awesome beyond awesome character he finds in Who’s Who and just throw them in one I Should Write The Legion megapostlooza.
March 28th, 2008 la 6:18 pm
Personally, I have my sights set on The Weasel. What a catch! He’s highly educated AND highly agile, and the sleazy moustache of his is highly dreamy.