Some forum kid over at Comic Book Resources is running a poll for “best comics dog.” Their options are Krypto, Lockjaw, Bandit from We3 and “other.”
Okay, let’s be clear here. Lockjaw is a really dumb dog. That is not just opinion: that is canon. If it wasn’t for his ability to teleport Lockjaw would be the Marvel Universe’s equivalent of Marmaduke, and everybody knows that Marmaduke sucks. Also, Lockjaw has a slingshot sticking out of his forehead and everybody is too polite to tell Black Bolt “hey, you might want to take that slingshot out of your dog’s forehead” because he might say “sorry” and blow up the world. So Lockjaw is clearly not the best dog in comics.
For all the jokes people make about Superman being a dick, Krypto is worse. Krypto is a psychotic little beast who is not technically even a real dog but instead some sort of alien thing. Everybody in the DC universe is kind of afraid of Krypto, because he has all of Superman’s powers trapped in something with the temperament of a Rottweiler – friendly one moment, and then the next he’s killing everything in sight. He will even attack his master. So clearly Krypto is not the best dog in comics.
Now, you can make a solid case for Bandit, who just wants to be a good dog even when he is a robot death machine. But he is still kind of not that impressive, because any dog can be a pretty impressive dog when they are encased in cybernetic weaponry – Spuds McKenzie, Old Yeller, that dog in the Jennifer Aniston movie, you name it. Plus I am pretty sure cyber-dogs have to cyber-poop, and I am sure nobody wants to deal with cyber-poop.
But, come now. There is only one choice as to best dog in comics. You know who it is. If Krypto is the Superman of Dogs, then this character is the Batman of Dogs (no, not Ace the Bat-Hound – Ace the Bat-Hound is a dumbass hanger-on). He is always prepared, and even with no powers will always come out ahead in any given situation. And his poop possesses a refreshing lack of nanotechnology.
Because he is Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.
Related Articles
32 users responded in this post
Rex is clearly in a league of his own, as he’s foremost a HERO, then a dog. So the real injustice is that he’s overloooked in favor of two-legged lameos like Wolverine!
Fear not, Rex, history shall grant thee justice!
of course he’s not on the poll. having him as a choice defeats the whole purpose because no one would vote for anyone else.
“You’ve performed the wonderful again!”
Um, what?
What, no Snoopy? No Idéfix?
I fucking saw that coming, MGK! But your previous posts on Mr. Rex the Wonder Dog has convinced me that he should be in the poll, at least.
Perhaps there is a hall of fame for this poll that they forgot to mention? Rex would obviously be in it.
Perhaps they took offense at his name? Many sites would balk at having “Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog” on their front page after he won.
…perhaps not.
You know what terrifies even the Joker? The idea that in some universe what broke the Wayne’s windows was not a bat, but REX THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ WONDER DOG!
If she rewards Rex the way fiction heroes are traditionally rewarded, I am so out of here ^_~
I love how it’s never just “Rex the Wonderdog,” but always “Rex the motherfucking Wonderdog.” And I agree, it’s got to be some kind of (not funny) joke that Rex isn’t on that list. He’s smarter than half my coworkers.
Prude.
😀
Best Rex thought balloon ever; “This is the way we did it in the Marines”. You just know he somehow manages to give his fur a buzz cut every week.
My vote is now in.
I’ve got that issue of Xxxenophile. Still, despite the undeniably fact of Rexie’s total Bad-Assedness I’d rather vote for Cosmo because he has psychic powers and a space suit. Or maybe Sgt. Cesar of Top 10 because he has mad skills with the ladies…
that CRAAACK is Rex’s neck
And I honestly do not know who he is showing up in this scene.
Personally, I love Lockjaw, but he is technically NOT a dog- he is an Inhuman.(Possibly mentally retarded.Not a joke.)
“This is the way we did it in the Marines– To avoid enemy fire!”
Rex obviously had to leave the Marine corp because he was making the human marines look bad.
Sorry, MGK, but when you mentioned that Krypto will try to kill everyone around him, especially that twit Superman, he had my vote.
Amen!
rwe1138: I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed the suspicious grammer on display there. It would play better if what Katzedecimal fears will happen comes true.
Thinking about it, my day has suspiciously come full circle. I just finished Doctor Who: Mad Dogs and Englishmen last night, where the villians of the pieces, a man and female poodle, were also lovers.
That’s a strong fuckin’ belt.
Sorry but watching The Thing being pulled around the universe while taking Lockjaw out on a walk was the best comic dog moment.
My vote goes to Lockjaw.
I’m prepared to concede Rex’s greatness, but how did he “fall like a stone”? Does he have weight-changing powers?
Rob: Rex is taking a dive and the girl is instinctively maximizing her surface area.
then this character is the Batman of Dogs
Dude you are totally off.
He’s the Captain America of dogs.
Like you know how Captain America was augmented by the Super Soldier Serum to Peak Human?
Well Rex is Peak Dog. The natural pinnacle of canine ability and potential.
“Krypto is worse. Krypto is a psychotic little beast who is not technically even a real dog but instead some sort of alien thing.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a textbook example of how a potential for good can be twisted until finally it snaps and thereafter becomes focused on destruction. Expect MGK to show up to court wearing snappy green and purple battlearmor, steal as many as 40 cakes in one trip to the bakery and never ever again refer to Krypto by name. In fact, I expect a wordfilter to be enacted on this site any minute replacing that name with “the motherfucking ALIEN.”
Also, now you’re gonna lose all your hair, Christopher. Sorry.
Oh my God! Rex the Wonder Dog defies the fucking laws of gravitational pull. Like most people do in movies, but I’d be willing to bet that if any person tried that dive in a Rex comic, they’d be all, “Oh! I can’t catch up to her! It’s as if the rate of gravity is constant for us all!” Then Rex the Wonder Dog would save them both.
Oh, I guess lance lunchmeat addressed this… gravity conundrum.
Lockjaw reminds me of my cat who sometimes poops when she is startled and chased her reflection into the glass door. He’s that dumb. Krypto is clearly some kind of Kryptonian equivalent of a dalmation, since all dalmations are kind of psychologically fucked up. I knew of a dalmation that would bare its teeth and full on snarl if it liked that you were petting it, which is hilarious if you’re expecting it, but not so much otherwise. These dogs should not have superpowers.
Fun note: when trying to explain comic book pets to my sister, she thought that Blackbolt/Blackagar Boltagon was the name for that one dragon that Kitty Pryde sometimes has, Lockjaw was the guy who doesn’t talk, and Lockheed (get it?) was his dog. Status: UPGRADED.
plus, if he was situated right above her, wouldn’t that increase his speed, like drafting behind a truck?
Actually, Mythbusters tested that in one episode along with two other things from a scene in Point Break (can you have a long conversation in mid-air before hitting the ground when dropped from…oh, however high the plane was…and also, can you even HEAR somebody while you’re both plummeting? The answer to both of those was “no”).
Turns out that if one person drops and has their arms and legs spread out with their chest more or less parallel to the ground, then if somebody jumps out right after them the second person can catch up to the first person if they “dive”; position their body so that it’s pointing straight at the ground and keep their limbs in tight so it’s more streamlined. So in real life, it’s not just a Wonder Dog like Rex who can do this.
Uh oh, I just made Rex seem less awesome, didn’t I? I’m sorry… 🙁
Nah.
You just showed Rex can even alter real world physics.
I thought everyone knew that way to catch up to people while falling was real.
Since when did the Marines have airborne units?
Oh, wait, I forgot. Since Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog joined. He was all the airborne unit they needed.