Fifteen reasons why Brain Storm sucks.
1.) His helmet looks like an exotic dildo.
2.) He first attacked the League because he thought they had killed his brother, but in fact, he had accidentally teleported his brother himself, using his own powers – to France.
3.) Seriously, it says that right there. Teleported his brother to France.
4.) It says right in his roundup that he will run away if “threatened with physical harm.” So he’s a pussy.
5.) Why do all villains with mental powers always suck at fighting? Haven’t they figured out yet that being able to throw a good punch is worth at least 1/3rd of a telekinetic bolt in comics?
6.) Dildo helmet.
7.) His name is two words rather than one.
8.) His real name is Axel Storm, so this is Silver Age Example #735 of a guy who couldn’t come up with a good super-name until he took a look at his own name and thought, “well, what can I do with this?”
9.) I know I’m hating on the dildo helmet, but – while we’re discussing sartorial choices, what is up with those shoulder things? Did he decide “yeah, I should look like a 1959 Cadillac, that will strike fear into the heart of all who behold me,” or what?
10.) That having been said – dildo helmet.
11.) His nickname is the “Star-Bolt Warrior,” which makes him sound like one of the toys from Crystar or a similar crappy toy line that didn’t even last one season on teevee.
12.) His failure to recognize that a pencil moustache in everyday life might make you look like Clark Gable, but once you put on a supervillain costume you stop looking like Clark Gable and start looking like Vincent Price.
13.) He invents a floating hoverchair and, rather than becoming rich, uses it for supervillainy. This isn’t, like, Captain Cold or somebody, who invented something that’s basically only good for killing people. He invented an air-chair, for fuck’s sake.
14.) Did I mention that his brother was named “Fred,” incidentally? Because – yeah, what kind of parent names their two children “Axel” and “Fred,” anyway? The type of person who names their kid “Axel” is not going to name their other kid “Fred.” Well, maybe their dad wanted to name the second kid “Diego” or “Slice” or something, and their mom put her foot down and said “this one is Fred, goddamnit.”
15.) In conclusion: dildo helmet.
Blinky dildo helmet.
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Are you implying that there’s something *wrong* with looking like Vincent Price?
The Dildo Helmet is great. Not only does it have that retro-sci-fi vibe, making ol’ Axel there look strangely hip, it also means that he’ll never be alone on a Saturday night.
“C’mon by, Axel. I’ll be waiting. Oh, and Axel…bring the helmet.”
Hells yeah.
This would have worked much better if his real name had been “Brian Storm”.
Your mention of Crystar awakened a latent memory of the Crystar/Nightcrawler cross-over. Looking at the wikipedia entry, apparently the franchise enjoyed cross-overs with Doctor Strange and Alpha Flight as well. Weird.
“Axel Storm” = porn name if I ever heard one.
That would be the second most painful dildo helmet ever. (Don’t ask me about the first) Those rings look sharp and most definitely not ‘for her pleasure’.
I guess if he were dating She-Hulk or some other ‘woman of ample capacity’…
As ‘Brain Storm’ is now supposedly un-pc, should he be called ‘Thought Shower’ from now on?
He was great in the Giffen/DeMatteis JLI, though, where he lost his dildo helmet in a poker game to some other schmuck.
As for the Dildo-Helmet, maybe Brain Storm is into Mind Fucks.
Oh sure, that might feel good, but if the thing goes off prematurely then you’re not just unsatisfied; you’re unsatisfied AND teleported buck naked to the middle of France.
Well, he’s not a fighter, as the profile points out, and the fin/wing/shoulder pads Do make for a kick-ass profile while sitting in the hover chair/cycle thing. So he’s good as long as he doesn’t stand up, which would sort of be the point of the hover-chair (see also: MODOK, Metron, Prof. X.)
Dayv: I’m with you on this. MGK better not be insulting my man Vincent.
Dan: What if they were made from a soft rubber so that it could move back and forth? I think that would do it.
And I’ve just realised I’m talking about a functional, pleasurable dildo helmet. I must be losing it.
I want to argue that someone who wears a light-up dildo helmet in public without even the benefit of a bullshit domino mask to disguise his identity must be pretty bad-ass, but the listing specifically rules out any bad-assery whatsoever. And his hoverchair somehow reminds me of those walk-in shower/bath tub combos they make for old people. Like he had to invent it because his gout was just killing him when he ran away from Hawkman.
After being laughed out of the super-villain business by the JSA, Axel Storm discovered that his dildo helmet and pornstache could bring him fame and fortune in the porn industry. He was wildly successful playing villains and heroes alike in the extremely popular super-hero porn genre. He was particularly memorable for playing “The Villainous Vibrator” in director Fil Phoglio’s “Orgasm Lass” series, and also reprised his old identity as “Dr. Brain Storm” in Rusty Sheepshank’s runaway hit “Powah Grrl 2: Booby Trap!” Axel Storm died of leukemia at the age of 43.
Um, he fights the Justice League and he’s a pussy? You try fighting Superman with just a dildo helmet and see if you don’t crap your pants? And with mind control, he can make you punch yourself. Hand-to-hand fighting wouldn’t work with them anyway.
And there’s plenty of telepathic guys who can fight. Martian Manhunter. Despero. Aquaman (yeah only fish, but he can fight).
All that being said, I agree he stinks on ice. He did have a kid, and the kid stuck too, though.
I’ve only read one comic with this guy and that was a Justice League Unlimited Adventures starring The Question. And you know what? He had a good plan in that one. He basically mind controlled the most anti-social member of the Justice League to plant nerve gas in the ventilation system. He only got beat because The Question’s paranoia was so great he foiled his own attempt to kill everybody, on purpose.
So, Brain Storm — the only known villain who improved when Adam Beechen wrote him.
So, Brain Storm — the only known villain who improved when Adam Beechen wrote him.
From what I’ve heard, all of Beechen’s JLU stuff is good. As was the episode he wrote of Batman: Brave and the Bold, even if it had the most depressing origin for Batman ever. He’s probably better off writing one-shots aimed at the all ages crowd with some humor involved.
From his pictures it doesn’t look like Axel is happy as villain. He should go the route of DCAU’s Clock King and work for the government, possibly as a practice foe to give young people interested in careers of vigilantism a safe look at the business. “You want to be a superhero? Be prepared to meet a lot of creepy guys. And not always ‘scary-creepy’ so much as just plain ‘creepy-creepy.'”
Katzedecimal: I know that isn’t true, but I sure wish it was.
His helmet looks like an “exotic” dildo? Not to sound like I have a beard on the subject or anything, but the internet has shown me some dildos that would make Brain Storm’s helmet look positively prudish.
The Silver Age MGK’s alter ego would be … the Crimson Bird!
Dan: Why did you have to go and insult She-Hulk’s vagina?
Kyle W.: You really have to blame Chuck Austin for that. I mean come on, Juggernaut? Dan Slott did his best to ammend that error, but Shulkie is still kind of a slut.
I wait patiently for him to actually use Rex’s entry in Who’s Who for a post.
I hear he gives great… helmet.
But the movie “Brainstorm” with Natalie Wood kicks all kinds of ass, so we are even.
i think his dad just really enjoyed eddie murphy movies. i mean, fred is clearly named for fred braughton, murphy’s writing alias. and Axel, well thats obvious. i just feel sorry for the sister named after Meet Dave.
Looking like Vincent Price isn’t a bad thing. Just as long as he doesn’t look like John Waters.. now THAT is an ugly mustache.
The character would be better if the ridges around the helmet were made to look like a drillbit. Then he could be re-named Mindscrew (or Mindfuck, if they wanted to take him to Vertigo).
But the shoulder spikes need to go.
You can’t even blame Austen for Chuck Austen’s writing Shulkie doing it with Juggernaut. I mean, Shulkie got dumped by an underwear model for being too shallow, and the Avengers kicked her out of the fucking mansion because she was being a ho-bag. Even Jarvis got in on laying the verbal smackdown on Jen for being a tramp that time.
Bill Reed: Yes, he did lose his helmet in a poker game to a reporter, along with the wrist bands of Black Mass and Crowbar’s crowbar (both from the Cadre), the Cavalier’s sword, Quakemaster’s jackhammer, Blackrock’s power stone, and Sonar’s tuning fork gun. He then proceeded to go on a destructive rampage until the villains showed up, beat him up, and took their weapons back. Then the Justice League showed up and beat up the villains, with our man Brain Storm being captured by Fire because he didn’t turn his helmet on.
If you got teleported naked to France, you wouldn’t remain unsatisfied for long. (And the ladies I know all think Vincent Price is MUCH better looking than Clark Gable- sure, they’re horror fans, but still.)
What I love is that after discovering his brother was not, in fact, dead….he stays a villain! He could have apologized to the JLA, said he was overreacting-he wouldn’t have done any prison time, they would have just given a speech out into nothingness about not overreacting while putting an arm around his shoulder! Then he could have done something better than losing to superheros in a dildo helmet, but no. This is a man who recognizes his mistakes….and makes them even bigger.
He’s essentially the Sarah Palin of supervillainy – he desperately wants to be taken seriously, but cannot recognise the numerous flaws that prevents that happening, including his appalling dress sense and THAT THING on his head.
Come on, now – since when has a beehive ever been anything other than THAT THING on some poor deluded person’s head?
Stolen dildo helmet. From Beldar Conehead.
It’s a good dildo helmet, but there’s better out there.
I give you http://www.tfu.info/1985/Autobot/DrillDasher/robotmode.jpg
You think someone with growing powers, say Giganta, would ever just pick him up and shove him up there? Or would the shoulder pads prevent that?
kenb3: Maybe that’s why he’s got the shoulder pads.