– DC putting the Milestone-verse into basic DC continuity not as an alternate universe but instead deciding to have Dakota be Yet Another Fictional City, like Metropolis and Gotham. This does not work. It doesn’t work on any conceivable level; Icon would not show up in the standard DC universe. The Blood Syndicate would be villains – the reason the Blood Syndicate worked as a team and a comic is that they were a loosely thought-out rebellion (by the characters, not the creators) against an uncaring or actively hostile status quo. That’s what made the book so damn good. But that doesn’t work in the DC Universe, where Superman is your friendly buddy and superheroes generally like people and with the exception of Hub City and sometimes Gotham, people are confident about their leaders and heroes and justified in feeling that way. (And yes, I know that they revealed that this was all because somebody did some magic and made this retroactively the case. This does not make it less retarded or cripple the Milestone characters any less.)
And the cruelest joke of all is that they made Dwayne McDuffie write the story where this happened. In those issues of Justice League, you can feel McDuffie saying, “oh, fuck it” on every single page – even moreso than for the other issues he had to write. “Hey, Dwayne – want to shit all over the ideas you put your blood, sweat and tears into? We’ll pay you standard freelancer rate.” Watching the JLA fight the Shadow Cabinet is like watching Hulk Hogan wrestle Fox Mulder – what is the fucking point of that story except to justify an insane editorial mandate?
(Don’t even get me started on propping up the decaying corpse that is the Teen Titans by having Static join. David Brothers over at 4th Letter has written about DC’s willingness to abuse and ignore the only new successful property they’ve gotten their hands on in decades before, so I won’t belabour the point.)
– Taking Superman out of the Superman books and replacing him with Mon-El and Nightwing and Flamebird is strangely reminiscent of what happened when Coke decided that people needed to drink New Coke instead of Coke. And I like Mon-El. But the interminable buildup to whatever the fuck is going to happen with New Krypton (and you just know it’s not going to be satisfying) and the endless Sam Lane conspiracy storyline aren’t the reason Superman books are dropping readers like flies. They’re dropping the book because Superman isn’t in the goddamn book.
– Speaking of Superman books, incidentally – man, has James Robinson eroded all the goodwill he had from Starman yet? Is there any goodwill left? Because right now when I see James Robinson’s name on a book, my instinct is to avoid it. That’s how bad his last year has been: the distinctive speech patterns that worked so well in Starman are completely out of place in everything he’s writing right now. I remember a few weeks ago there was this JSA special where he contributed a story, and Cyclone – a teenaged girl who is supposed to speak six billion words a minute – started expounding upon the nature of heroism in stentorian tones and I don’t remember anything more because then I had to start pounding my head on the wall until it stopped and I didn’t hear it in my head any more.
– Captain America: Reborn is a boring-ass event book. It’s a one-issue story – 64 pages, tops – stretched out to six interminable issues. It’s not a particularly great story. (Time bullets. Uh huh.) It’s also poorly timed: if Captain America comes back, I want to see him beat up Norman Osborn and return the Marvel Universe to vaguely normal, not sit around for months while the “Siege” storyline takes place and wonder if he should still be Captain America or if maybe Bucky should be Captain America. Incredibly unsatisfying on any number of levels.
– I would say something about Ultimatum, but apparently Marvel has decided that the best way to handle it is to more or less pretend that it never happened, and I am fine with that. There was never a limited series called “Ultimatum.” Isn’t life so much better now?
– And I loved ninety-nine percent of Asterios Polyp, but the ending drives me nuts. Don’t give me “oh but it was foreshadowed.” It’s a dumb capper to an otherwise brilliant work. TAKE THAT YOU INDIE COMIC YOU.
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Yep. That last tiny part of the Polyp story was so disruptive to my psyche that I had to make it metaphorical and then completely forget about it to be a happy person.
Thanks for reminding me, man.
I loved Asterios Polyp soooooooo much. I really sometimes think of ripping off that fucking last splashpage. More often I just forget it. I mean the rest of the book is totally amazing. I can overlook that awful ending just as I can overlook the last five minutes of The Sopranos.
I wholeheartedly agree, although I will say that if you’re going to bring the Milestone Universe into the DC Universe it should be as an actual part of it, not as an alternate universe because the Multiverse was a GIANT FUCKING MISTAKE that Marv Wolfman and the DC editorial staff put their careers on the line to fix and were rewarded with one of the most financially and critically successful series DC had put out in the last two decades. Putting the Multiverse back is like having an operation to return someone’s appendix.
That said, they shouldn’t have made the Milestone Universe part of the DC Universe at all, so we still agree. 🙂
In those issues of Justice League, you can feel McDuffie saying, “oh, fuck it” on every single page – even moreso than for the other issues he had to write.
Nothing personal, but I think you are projecting. The fact that McDuffie is still writing Milestone Forever despite everything DC did to him suggest he’s OK/happy with this change. It’s hard to tell, because McDuffie spent so much time saying “I don’t have the Trinity, fuck It”, “It’s another event tie-in, fuck it”, and “Editorial force me to remove yet another interesting plot, fuck it” that there’s a certain sense of weariness to all of McDuffie’s stuff after the intro arc.
And I loved ninety-nine percent of Asterios Polyp, but the ending drives me nuts. Don’t give me “oh but it was foreshadowed.” It’s a dumb capper to an otherwise brilliant work. TAKE THAT YOU INDIE COMIC YOU.
The best suggestion I’ve heard on how to interpret the ending is to remember that Asterios lost an eye, no longer has parallax, and the thing at the end is really only the size of a grapefruit.
My personal issue with Asterios Polyp is that Hana in some sense has the more interesting and more traumatic story (she goes from red to green), and it gets hidden in a bunch of negative space. Perhaps that’s the point (I suspect the reason Hana divorced Asterios is that she realized that she couldn’t talk with him about whatever happened), but it still feels wrong.
@John Seavey: I don’t hate the idea of alternate universes in superhero comics. I think they’re a gimmick that should be used sparingly, but if you can’t do big, dumb sci-fi concepts in a superhero book, where can you do em?
James Robinson is starting to remind me of Chris Claremont. For a time both wrote fantastic stories in their own corners of a shared universe, departed for a while then returned, and most of what they’ve written since then hasn’t been very good.
Is it even possible at this stage in the game, for DC to publish stories set in the Milestone Universe without any ties whatsoever to the DC universe? Just have them be their own thing? It seems like the first instict of creators and fans alike is to try to roll the new aquisition into the main DCU, when it seems like the best thing for the books and the characters would be to just leave them alone.
Eh, there’s a certain logic to putting it in the DCU; namely, that fan interest in non-name characters who aren’t in the DCU is really, really low.
Really, I think if there were any bad ideas in Reborn, the bad idea was to do it as a mini rather than just do it within the context of the regular series. Think – if all the same issues came out monthly on time as just issues within Captain America, would there be any specific reason to comment on them? No, the problem is that this is a regular story billed as an event, with moderate (and moderately frustrating) delays attached.
Although I totally agree that Cap should have come back as the climax to the Dark Reign/Siege storyline, not well in advance of it.
[…] • Christopher Bird considers the worst comics ideas 0f 2009. […]
I really, really want to know who came up with the “time bullets” bit in Captain America, because it seems totally opposite to the whole tone Brubaker established for the book. (Possibly a left-over idea from the 70s Kirby run?)
As for the Milestone characters — yeah, that doesn’t make any sense. It often seems like DC’s right hand not only has no idea what its left hand is doing but is actively trying to thwart it. (“Would you like me to tell you the little story of Right-Hand, Left-Hand?”)
Pondering your list again, I’m surprised you didn’t mention Johns once. (I like Johns, but it seems like you’d have something snarky to say about Legion of Three Worlds or Superboy Prime or Flash Rebirth.)
“Although I totally agree that Cap should have come back as the climax to the Dark Reign/Siege storyline, not well in advance of it.”
Disagree strongly there. Cap’s death and return has been a story in ‘Captain America’ involving the Red Skull, not something that’s ever been fundamentally about the wider universe. Taking the story of his return out of Brubaker’s storyline wouldn’t make sense.
I really liked Planet Hulk and thought World War Hulk wasn’t great, but it was entertaining. Since then, everything Hulk-related that I’ve looked at is appalling.
(Incredible Hercules doesn’t count in this category)
“’Although I totally agree that Cap should have come back as the climax to the Dark Reign/Siege storyline, not well in advance of it.’
Disagree strongly there. Cap’s death and return has been a story in ‘Captain America’ involving the Red Skull, not something that’s ever been fundamentally about the wider universe. Taking the story of his return out of Brubaker’s storyline wouldn’t make sense.”
I get what you’re saying here, but in the highly hypothetical world where I get to make these kinds of decisions, I would have had the Skull hijack Osborn’s operation, and turned the whole Siege thing into a continuation of his big plan. The Skull’s never really been a world-beater before; the kind of villain heading up these big comic events I mean. I think it’s time to give him a moment to shine, considering he’s the villain that’s so detestable the other villains don’t even like him.
@John Seavey, I’m pretty sure the multiverse has come back at least three times since the original Crisis (Hypertime, 52, and, uh, something else.) So that dead horse has already been beaten.
@rwe1138, good call on the Claremont-Robinson connection. Also, my new cover band will be called the Claremont-Robinson Connection.
You’re right on the money about Robinson.
I took the Polyp ending as a matter of perspective, that is to say how you perceive, i.e. “see” on the page, the object bearing down on them. Wasn’t “perspective” (both personal and as an aspect of art) one of the multitudes of themes? Don’t want to spoil for anyone who hasn’t read it.
Slight disagreement on the Milestone/DC integration, if only because it was high time the company did something with Static. Although DC’s inability to capitalize on characters who get over in other media – cancelling Blue Beetle the very week Brave & The Bold debuted! – is going to be even costlier in the age of Misney.
The absolute best part about the McDuffie thing is they then *cut* him from that book too.
I disagree about Superman/Robinson, but I do miss the Johns/Busiek days quite a bit (what’s Busiek even up to?)
And Ultimatum has to be the absolute worst. And talk about your not follow up – at least when Wildstorm did this, they stuck to it (and man that Authority run that spun from it has been good)
@Ben – that might be because most of it’s been done by Jeph Loeb
Gotta agree on Cap Reborn. It’s Bru’s first mis-step on the book, but it’s a mis-step down a cliff. Incognito almost makes up for it though.
Worst Comic Idea of 2009?
NOT giving Squirrel Girl her own mini.
Here’s hoping that changes in 2010.
Has Loeb written a comic that wasn’t utterly shit in this millenium?
The good thing about switching from pamphlets to trades, is that I get to look forward to reading these horrible things in the future.
Except for Ultimatum, which I shall not read.
Time Bullets? Crappy writing from Robinson? Oh, I am so there.
What nothing about $4 pamphlets?
I’m kinda surprised you’ve put in no mention of Supergod. But I suppose it’s more “off-day Ellis” than “terrible Ellis”.
Six words: Red Hulk, Red She Hulk, A-Bomb…
Wait, is She Hulk one word or two. Oh, you get the point…
I find Mon-El far more enjoyable than Nightwing and Flamebird. Maybe it’s because Mon is already knee deep in Superman mythology, so there’s more there to play with (the Legion for instance). Plus I like that the writers are fleshing out the origins of Krypton and Daxam cuz Cosmic DC is horribly boring compared to Cosmic Marvel.
I took the ending of Polyp to be a symbol for changing your life before it’s to late kind of thing.
I have to say that I’m a little pleased to see so few Marvel books on your list. (I’m not counting, nor shall I ever count, Ultimatum as anything. Besides, was it really a 2009 book? I honestly can’t remember when it started, but it seems like years ago.)
It’s not that I’m a Marvel fanboy, but I see so much complaining about Marvel on-line, and I happen to think that their overall line is pretty solid right now. I think Dark Reign has been an interesting and fairly well-handled direction for the MU, and most of the titles are, if not great, at least competently done.
Although I’ll admit that the end of Secret Invasion was a huge anti-climax. (That was 2009, right?)
I assume there will be a follow-up post about the best ideas…?
Sometimes, when I look at comic-book stuff on the internet, I feel kind of guilty for not reading DC since the ’80s. It often seems like DC is all people care about on the internet.
But reading your list here, as well as the Blackest Night complaints I’ve seen elsewhere, makes me wonder if maybe I made the right decision in abandoning them so long ago.
(Of course, Marvel has done some horrible things over the last couple of decades, too.)
I don’t know what the worst comic book ideas were for this year, but the worst thing I actually read was War Machine #1. He used to be a decent character, and I was shocked to see him as this killer cyborg-thing.
I thought Dark Reign was a bad idea, too, although it’s been handled well enough, I guess. But I am so sick of Norman Osborn. I really wish he had stayed dead.
scoundrel: It’s Red She-Hulk. There’s a hyphen, therefore all one word.
David Brothers over at 4th Letter has written about DC’s willingness to abuse and ignore the only new successful property they’ve gotten their hands on in decades before, so I won’t belabour the point.
Do you have a link to specific posts, rather than to the blog itself?
I don’t follow many mainstream comics any more, but used to be a Milestone fan and would like to read what he wrote.
Thx.
Jeph Loeb maybe wrote like 3 comics in the past six or so years that weren’t complete ass.
Some of that death of Captain America stuff was pretty ok. Like you can get a whole issue out of the five he did.
That Ultimate Hulk/Power Princess (I think) thing was in character and kinda funny
That Superman/Batman issue when his kid died (which probably explains a lot, tbh)
2010 had BETTER give us a Rex book, just saying…
I think the worst thing about Reborn is that it’s a double sized issue that was stretched out to five issues. Then someone desided to stretch it to six. And on the cover for the “Who Will Wield the Sheild” one shot they state “The shocking conclusion to Captain America Reborn” effectively making it a seven issue mini. And like so much of the mini series Marvel is putting out, none of them need to be minis, they could have just been issues of the regular series, but Marvel will do anything to jack the price up another dollar.
Except if they did them as regular issues the story would take twice as long to finish because of how stretched out it is…and it has to be done by the time Siege starts going.
Now, the whole “oh hey the conclusion is out before the last issue of the mini it concludes” is a pretty big one
Hey Ches, I think this is the article in question
http://www.4thletter.net/2009/08/he-paints-pictures-beautifully-but-comics-is-nearsighted/
“Except if they did them as regular issues the story would take twice as long to finish because of how stretched out it is…”
I’m fairly certain Bru could easily have taken out the padding and used an artist who actually understands what a deadline is to deliver Reborn in the main book in time for Siege.
What did you expect when all but one book on your list is spandex continuity porn? That whole industry is ripe with cliche and substandard production/execution.
Yet that same ‘spandex continuity porn’ can also include really, really good reads. He’s not discussing the winners here, nor is he discussing, say the worst manga ideas of 2009, or the worst Sports Illustrated articles of the year.
So was the time bullet that slayed Cap the same one that killed Orion or was it the one that Batman shot at Darkseid? Now I’m really confused :\
I’m way too late to the game but I really think Superman might be the best DC Universe book right now. Granted, Justice League: Cry for Justice is one of the worst.
The whole trick is that Robinson can’t write big established characters. The second he took Superman out of the book it got a thousand times better. The Mon-El around the world issue is one of my single favorite issues all year.
lol, Captain America Reborn is lame comic which almost made me stop reading comics. I hope year 2010 is good for comics.