5
Oct
Not Quite Improved Archie
Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time PartySearch
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30 users responded in this post
“Suck it, replicant!”
“The candle that burns twice as brightly can kiss my ass!”
“I TOLD you David Tennant was more machine than man!”
“Christ, what an asshole!”
“Edison sends his regards.”
“Suck it, Tesla!”
Archie: How’s this for a “hardware solution”!
Betty: Now that’s what I call a junk shot!
Archie: Damn your cell phone’s non-intuitive user interface!
Betty: The clunky design lacks the elegance of simplicity, too!
“This is the shittiest DoomBot I’ve ever seen!”
“The 1950s called, they want their sound effects back!”
“See? The Archies song ‘My Heart Went Whack! Sprong! Twang!’ is less derivative when we use props!”
“I still think you should fix the lyrics – ‘When i saw you looking oh so cute/I broke down like a robot in a suit?'”
That’ll teach you to buy an iPad, Apple nerd!
Yeah, you probably had a Newton, too!
“You thought you were human, what a fool you are!”
“All your fond memories are a cruel joke of programming!”
“First WESTWORLD, then FUTUREWORLD…”
“Now ARCHIEWORLD!”
Archie: NUTS!
Betty: YEAH!
“…for all your android might, you had one fatal weakness…”
“…cufferangs!”
“Robot’s got nards?”
“ROBOT’S GOT NARDS!”
“The 600 series had rubber skin, we spotted them easy. This is new. They look human – sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot.”
“Stop kidding me, Archie. They can’t build machines like that yet.”
“Sorry, but Betty says you have to die!”
“That’s for killing Hitler, you android bastard!”
“These Manacles of Robot’s Curse Suck!”
“Ah come on, Archie, at least it does 1d12 damage when used as a ranged weapon. And it has Returning”
“Strike!”
“Take the replicants bowling, take them bowling!”
Archie: Take THAT, Robo-Republican-Forsythe!!
Betty: Grant Morrison’s “All-Star Archie” is the shit!
“I am Archie -”
“Robot Fighter!”
“He’s a robot, so it’s okay when he screams.”
“Why won’t he scream more, Archie?”
“YOUR PROGRAMMING – IS FLAWED – COMPASSION – IS – WEAKNESS – I WILL/MUST DESTROY YOU – WITH HANDCUFFS – NOW!”
“EXCLAMATION OF APPROVAL – ARCHBOT1 – BUT WE MUST FIX – THIS HANDCUFFS DESIGN FLAW – BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO REPLACE – THE HUMAN KNOWN AS – ‘REGGIE’!”
“A cybernaut? I’m bowled over.”
“I do admire your underhanded approach, Andrews.”
And after half an hour of trying, that’s the best Avengers banter that I can manage.
“Kissingermon! I choose you!”
“Kissingermon, the exploding robot pokemon, is strong against grass attacks. Good choice, Archie!”
“This! Is! Riverdale!”
“This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I am not your Queen.”
“Heads up, Betty – RAAARGH!”
“Wow, Archie – Riverdale’s SURE to take 1st Place at next week’s Robot Chuckin’ Competition!”
“Your robot’s crap, Betty! Can’t even beat a pair of handcuffs!”
“Foolish boy! You’ve played right into my trap!”
“Take THAT, police radio!”
“You’ll never take us alive, copper!”
Usually I can more or less imagine what was going on in the original comic, but with this one… WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVIN’ FUCK??!??
“How did you know he was a Cyclon, Betty?”
“… he was a Cyclon?”
“Hey, rationalist!”
“Kant sends his regards!”