DEAR MR. PAUL LEVITZ:
1.) I demand you immediately reprint the following in hardcover collections with exactly the type of paper I like: Wild Dog, Lords of the Ultra-Realm, the “Injustice, Unlimited” arc in Infinity Inc. which had early Todd McFarlane art, every appearance of Stalker, and a Barbie Adventures Omnibus. If you do not reprint this material immediately, it will be obvious to all and sundry that you are totally unfit to run DC Comics.
2.) Related to my first question, I am unhappy with the gigantic Omnibus editions you have printed thus far because I have issues with the quality of paper you used. Please reprint these Omnibus editions with better paper. I have already spent a lot of money on them, but I will spend much more for ones with the proper paper! Also, please make more busts of your characters posing dramatically, and perhaps a statue of Wonder Woman bending over to wash Batman’s underwear.
3.) Since you once wrote Legion of Super-Heroes and I really liked it back when I was ten, it thus follows logically that nobody else can write Legion of Super-Heroes, especially that johnny-come-lately hack Jim Shooter. Please find time in your busy schedule to write this comic again, also returning the status quo of the title back to the way it was when I was young. I am sure this will create excitement among new readers for reasons upon which I will not elaborate.
4.) What do you think the future of comics is? Please keep your answer down to two sentences or less. No big words.
5.) BRING BACK HAWKMAN! The Hawkman I liked! Not this other Hawkman! I will not specify further, because you know what I mean and Hawkman’s appeal is obvious and undying.
(Worst actual quote from the comments: “I’m a big fan of Absolute Editions. For one thing they save me needing to go to a gym!” No, sir, they probably don’t. Go to a gym.)
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Are you implying that the sculpture of Mary Jane bending over a basket of Peter’s laundry was in bad taste?
How about a Hitman Omnibus, can we get that?
(Or if there is one, WHERE IS ITS?!?)
Everything that’s not exactly like it was when I was a kid is bad. Please fix this.
I think you forgot #6: Make me a sandwich. Any kind will do, I’m not picky.
I remember seeing a response pic to the Mary Jane sculpture, which was a disgruntled Peter Parker in his tidy-whities trying to wash a stain out of the Spider-Man suit. I thought this was much more emblematic of Pete’s life.
Didn’t Marvel publish Barbie Adventures? Or is that part of the joke?
“Everything that’s not exactly like it was when I was a kid is bad. Please fix this.”
Alex Ross?
Reboots don’t create excitement among readers? “Brand New Day” editors, please take note.
“Alex Ross?”
My guess was Joe Quesada
My guess would’ve been 99% of people who talk about comics on the internet, but then I realized that those people don’t have the cajones to own up to like that.
As someone who started out reading Spawn comics in his teens I can honestly say I don’t want my current reading material to mirror my past reading material in any way whatsoever.
There are a couple glittering comments of good (like specified runs on Vertigo/Wildstorm titles announced in advanced with continued runs possible) amongst the never-ending sea of fecal matter that is the essence of Newsarama
“What do you think the future of comics is? Please keep your answer down to two sentences or less. No big words.”
Happy happy joy joy. Plus, monkeys in space.
Oh man, the collected edition geeks. Here’s what I’ve learned about them:
They want whatever they cannot have. For example, Dark Horse is reprinting Marvel’s Conan series at a rather nice pace. There are guys who don’t like this because the reprints are in softcover with new coloring. These guys want nothing more, nothing less, than Marvel to regain the rights and reprint Conan in the Marvel Masterworks format. That of course is unlikely to happen anytime in the next decade. They don’t care. Someone tells them that this is how it is and they’re like a petulant child whining because life isn’t fair. Mind you, these guys tend to already own the comics they want reprinted so badly; they just want something nice to put on their bookshelves.
They want everything. Much as they’ll accept a Captain America Omnibus or a Superman Archives, they’re not as concerned with this because it can be reasonably assumed that big names like Cap and Supes will be covered. So they’re much more anxious to see more obscure properties reprinted, because until Marvel announces a Not Brand Ecch! collection then there’ll be no way of knowing if Marvel will ever do it and the suspense is killing some people. I have seen grown men try to argue that Marvel could really tap into today’s children’s market by reprinting the old Star Comics Care Bears series. I’m dead serious. At least one guy I’ve seen can get incredibly volatile at the suggestion that his priorities (that is, to see all ’40s and ’50s Marvel superhero mags reprinted before he dies) should take a back seat to anything, including for example selling some Spider-Man books that will MAKE MONEY.
They want consistency. Holy shit you don’t want to be between these fellers and an announcement that although the last Incredible Hulk story arc was reprinted in an oversized hardcover the next one will be a regular trade paperback. There was something of a holy war a while back when the Marvel Masterworks started going back to press, and guys were outraged that they paid through the nose to get limited edition variant dustjackets (because those match the Masterworks they bought in the ’90s) only to hear those dustjackets would now be made available again.
David Gabriel of Marvel’s sales department occasionally visits the Marvel Masterworks board to field some questions, and he always gets the stupidest requests. I can’t imagine how bad he’d have it if he made himself as available as Levitz is here.
Christ, I’m happy to be getting omnibus editions at all, but then I still remember getting all my comics at the “Hey kids! Comics!” racks at the drug store and being damn lucky to find three consecutive issues of detective comics.
I have seen grown men try to argue that Marvel could really tap into today’s children’s market by reprinting the old Star Comics Care Bears series.
I am deeply disturbed that anybody would be that deeply invested in the Care Bears.
All your comics are bad, but please make me keep spending money on things that will never live up to my expectations so I can go complain to my forum buddies and we can all laugh at how clever we are. Tx.
You have to have been following “Superman and the Legion of Superheroes” in Action Comics #858 – 863. Ahhhhhhhhhh…! *faints from happy* *That’s* what I’ve been missing! Yessir, that’s our Brainy, with bonus Subs of Awesome. Please sir, might I have another? “Legion of Three Worlds,” you say? *fork, knife and popcorn* I’m there!
Personally, I want to see not only Wild Dog and Lords of the Ultra-Realm, but also Electric Warrior and Slash Maraud, collected in TPBs.
Also, people in Sheol want ice water.
Patience and Grant Morrison Chaos magick got The Question into trade paperback, not whining.