THE CRIME TAILOR: Okay, maybe you should explain this to me again.
OVERTHROW: I am a superb jai alai player and I wish to use that skill to become a supervillain.
THE CRIME TAILOR: …I’m not seeing it.
OVERTHROW: Come on, you do this all the time. Javelin is just a guy who didn’t even win an Olympic medal and he said you gave him very good stuff. I want good stuff.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Have you ever won an Olympic medal?
OVERTHROW: That’s entirely besides the point.
THE CRIME TAILOR: So no, then.
OVERTHROW: Jai alai isn’t an Olympic sport. If it was, I would certainly have won many medals.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Fair enough. So how do you want to do crimes using jai alai?
OVERTHROW: Well, I was think maybe the balls could explode? That’s good, right?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Sounds doable. Let me see what I’ve got in storage…
(The CRIME TAILOR goes into the back room. OVERTHROW stands around listening to the lite jazz in the background.)
THE CRIME TAILOR: Okay, so I got good news and I got bad news.
OVERTHROW: You don’t have any exploding jai alai balls?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Well, I was going to have to modify some exploding baseballs anyway to make those, but I forgot that the exploding baseballs all got sold last week.
OVERTHROW: To who?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Someone who blew up.
THE CRIME TAILOR: You have to be careful with exploding baseballs.
OVERTHROW: I understand that. So no exploding balls. What are my other options?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Well, that’s the clever bit. See, I’ve got this small plasma projector that I haven’t been able to sell.
OVERTHROW: Plasma projector? Like, blood?
THE CRIME TAILOR: No, as in “superheated gas.”
OVERTHROW: That sounds dangerous.
THE CRIME TAILOR: I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to be a supervillain?
OVERTHROW: I didn’t say no. I’m just… waiting to hear how it works.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Well, normally plasma projectors are built into a gun or something, and the gun fires a big blast of superheated plasma.
OVERTHROW: Right. But this one is different?
THE CRIME TAILOR: This one basically makes a sphere of plasma.
OVERTHROW: …and then what?
THE CRIME TAILOR: That’s it.
OVERTHROW: So I would have a sphere of superheated gas in, what, my hand?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Well, I’m thinking I give you a… what do they call that scoop thing you wear in jai alai?
OVERTHROW: A xistera.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Right. We make one of those out of superdense metal. I’m thinking cargonite – durable, nearly unbreakable…
OVERTHROW: How heavy is it?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Fairly.
OVERTHROW: Would I still be able to do my jai alai tricks?
THE CRIME TAILOR: I’m sure. You might have to work out a bit, though.
OVERTHROW: I can handle that.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Okay, so now that we’ve got that worked out, how about your costume?
OVERTHROW: I think I will keep it simple. Jai alai uniform and a mask.
THE CRIME TAILOR: …not very supervillain-y, is it?
OVERTHROW: …well, what if we make it green?
THE CRIME TAILOR: All green, or do you want some highlights?
OVERTHROW: Maybe we could make the mask a different colour? Purple? I like purple.
THE CRIME TAILOR: …ehhh…
OVERTHROW: Is that in poor taste? Do they clash?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Not in supervillain fashion, no, but…
THE CRIME TAILOR: Well, green and purple is kind of the Joker’s signature look.
OVERTHROW: Is that a problem?
THE CRIME TAILOR: Not for him it isn’t, if you get my drift.
OVERTHROW: …I think I’m fine with it.
THE CRIME TAILOR: It’s your funeral.
OVERTHROW: Or his!
THE CRIME TAILOR: Confidence is nice. Do you want the usual extras? Micro-kevlar padding, burn/tear resistant fabric…?
OVERTHROW: Yes. Also I would like some rocket boots.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Oh, hell. Look, kid, I’d be slacking on my duties as a tailor to super-criminals if I didn’t tell you that rocket boots are almost never a good idea.
OVERTHROW: I have heard the stories, but I think I would like them just in case.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Everybody says that, but do you know the number one cause of supervillain fatalities? It’s not the Suicide Squad. It’s rocket boots running out of fuel when you’re three stories up because you decided that having rocket boots meant you could fight Hawkman on his own turf.
OVERTHROW: But I will not be fighting Hawkman, I do not think.
THE CRIME TAILOR: Who are you planning to fight?
OVERTHROW: Blue Beetle?
THE CRIME TAILOR: …in that case might I recommend the Ski-Hi Mark 12s? Definitely the best rocket boot on the market right now, with a ten minute non-flammable combination fuel supply.
OVERTHROW: Are they worth it?
THE CRIME TAILOR: When it comes to rocket boots, I think you want to spend the extra money and not get some terrible surplus gear.