The Japanese just attacked Pearl Harbour.
“Look around you. No-one has aged, nothing has changed in 50 years. We are in Hell.”
Mind-controlling bees, activate!
Snape kills Dumbledore.
Today, children, we’re going to watch The Butterfly Effect.
Those aren’t even words!
You will all die alone and unloved. Especially you, Andrews!
“You, who dare to regard us as the moral inferiors of any mystic who claims supernatural visions-you, who scramble like vultures for plundered pennies, yet honor a fortune-teller above a fortune-maker-you, who scorn a businessman as ignoble, but esteem any posturing artist as exalted-the root of your standards is that mystic miasma which comes from primordial swamps, that cult of death, which pronounces a businessman immoral by reason of the fact that he keeps you alive. You, who claim that you long to rise above the crude concerns of the body, above the drudgery of serving mere physical needs-who is enslaved by physical needs: the Hindu who labors from sunrise to sunset at the shafts of a hand-plow for a bowl of rice, or the American who is driving a tractor? Who is the conqueror of physical reality: the man who sleeps on a bed of nails or the man who sleeps on an inner-spring mattress? Which is the monument to the triumph of the human spirit over matter: the germ-eaten hovels on the shorelines of the Ganges or the Atlantic skyline of New York?”
That joke has never worked better than it does today.
Enough chit-chat! You agreed to sacrifice Reggie! GET OUT THE STONES!
/thing the guy says in the music video for “Just”
(ROYAL JELLY to QUEEN repeat ROYAL JELLY to QUEEN)/ upon completion of nutritive distribution commence maintenance-repair of HIVE maintenance-repair of COMBS maintenance-repair of chamber of QUEEN/enable circulation of air through wing-beating/ repeat protocol “seek POLLEN.”
“The next one of you that talks gives Mr. Weatherbee his sponge-bath!”
“Now Mr. Weatherbee and I will show you where babies come from!”
Try not to think of an “I see anus” joke.
I’m not wearing any panties.
“Archie, you’re Mr. Lodge’s long lost illegitimate son. Bet you wish you hadn’t been fucking Veronica senseless now, don’t you?”
If you don’t stop buzzing like bees, I’m breaking out the Raid and taking down every last one of you motherfuckers.
(What makes this hilarious is, no matter what horrible thing she says or does next, Jughead stops giving a shit by panel 3)
“You may think you’re being terribly clever mocking me with your ‘Peanuts teacher noises,’ but the truth is that I lost my virginity to Charles Schulz, and that memory you can never stain.”
“I’ve returned from my trip to the future. The last episode of Lost airs on May 23, 2010. It turns out that …”
I think her shooting a droning white noise that drowns out everything they’re saying and leaves them mindless zombies needs no improvement
“You live in a world without light or color.”
The government is going to be forcibly integrating this school. You will have some black classmates. Also, Jughead is Jewish.
I admit it! I slept with Buzz Bitman and that’s why I’m being fired! Now if you’ll open your textbooks to page 123…
THERE IS NO HONEY HERE!!!
Error 37! None of you are playing Diablo 3 today!
“It is not advised that you google the animal origins of knotting.”
Buzz buzz buzz buzz BUZZZZZZZZ buzz buzz!
(one for the insects out there)
(For all you comic book nerds)
MISS GRUNDY IS THE AVATAR OF ANTI-LIFE.
KILL FOR WEATHERBEE. DIE FOR WEATHERBEE.
“You idiots. Can’t you tell that two of you have just fucking disappeared?“
“I can’t take this anymore… class, Jughead is my illegitimate son! There, I said it!”
This class has been chosen to participate in The Program, you are given 12 hours to prepare before collection.
“Do any of you ever suspect we’re living in a world of black and white absolutes?”
“The Avengers was over-rated swill! Eric Bana was a much better Hulk!”
“Why don’t you just put the world in a bottle Superman?”
“Turn off your smartphones. Or whatever electrical devices you have that would be making that buzzing noise. That means you, Betty Cooper!”
“Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is still lying to you about 9/11.”
(special thanks to Aaron McGruder for the inspiration)
“I am marrying the Punisher.”
How doth the little busy bee
Improve each shining hour,
And gather honey all the day
From every opening flower!
loneliness + alienation + fear + despair + self-worth ÷ mockery ÷ condemnation ÷ misunderstanding × guilt × shame × failure × judgment n=y where y=hope and n=folly, love=lies, life=death, self=Darkseid.
“Well I got news for you wise guys. This isn’t a dress. It’s my skin.”
“Colony collapse disorder is no laughing matter.”
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