(hat tip to Jaime Weinman for this one)
13
Feb
Jonathan Improved And Archie Norrell
Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time PartySearch
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*dies of LOL* omg that’s a big improvement. Okay, onto the captions..
“OH MY GOD! You killed Archie! You bastard!” (yeah okay so that was a little obvious)
“Archie! How will he wear his bow tie now?”
“Betty, no! That’s not what they meant by ‘head cheese’!”
‘Darn! I’m carrying this giant saw for nothing.’
“THIS IS NOT SUBTEXT ANYMORE, GODDAMNIT!”
There can be only one!
No, not that knife! The cuts of meat will come out all uneven.
Finally he gives head and it’s to that b&%*#!?
“Ouch! Damn it, this sweater is all full of static! Oh, hi Betty.”
Judging from Jughead’s eyeline, he’s clearly looking at something off-camera. Obviously Betty already dumped Archi’s bloody torso in the rubbish bins outside her garage.
MY ANTIQUE TABLE! It’ll take weeks to get the right shade of wood finish ordered to cover it up!
“Oh my God! Betty’s given into her cannibalistic true nature and didn’t even close the curtains!!! What if old man Wetherby walked by?”
“Why didn’t someone tell me we’re having a Donner Party re-enactment?”
“Sweet mother of… oh, who am I kidding, this was a matter of time.”
“Waidaminnit — if that’s Archie’s head then WHO’S BLOWING ME?!?!?”
“In truth, I had not known the extent of Betty’s grim resolve to keep Archie as her sexslave, bound to her twisted bloodgames. I must call for aid. I must call… REX THE MOTHERFUCKING WONDER DOG…!”
“Damn it Betty, we were supposed to make the sacrifice together. Now I’ll never get my never-ending hamburger!”
“The stars are right! The Old Ones gaze is upon us! Ia! Ia!”
“Gosh that was a good hamburger, I — HOLY CRAP HOW LONG HAS THIS FENCE BEEN HERE?”
“Oh god! I forgot the box! We’ll never win the Se7en cosplay competition now!”
“Years from now, this will inspire Ed Brubaker!”
I’m not surprised–
–why is MY HAT?!
Oh! This just isn’t doing it for me at all.
“No! She started the sacrifice without me!”
“Dammit, I left my car keys in the laundromat!”
“I have that exact same knife!”
“OH MY GOD, BETTY IS MURDERING ARCH–ennh, this actually isn’t that shocking.”
We really need more “Betty is Insane” pics btw.
“Whoa, nice dress Betty!”
Travesty, that is pretty funny.
alternate:
“Geeze, Betty, you had me drag this lumberjack saw all the way over here for nothing?!?!?”
Betty decapitated Archie? TODAY? That means Dilton wins the dead pool!
“Betty’s marzipan sculpture is outta sight! I’ll have to pull out all the stops to keep the Riverdale Food Festival crown!”
Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.