Jughead, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end.
I’ll disqualify Ents from the Olympics if it’s the last thing I do.
My hook-hand is almost as huge as my eyebrows!
“My name is Inigo Montoya…”
Introducing… Archie Andrews… as… The Doctor! Take that Dalek!
(…is that a Flashman reference? )
They laughed when I said I could punch a softball on a bendy stick. Who’s laughing now?!
The Lord Andrews demands SYRUP, churl!
“Today, my great great great granddaddy Arcus the Orc is avenged for dying in Fangorn!”
I’ll rend you limb from limb!
I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword. Please… Guide my sword…
“From hell’s heart I stab at thee!”
(Dammit Sumguy, too quick for me.)
RUSH’S MAPLES SHALL HAVE THEIR REVENGE! MARK MY WORDS!
Ten more reps and I can start on windmills!
“Jughead was right . . . this is way less painful on my junk, AND I still get off!!”
Fuck you tree! *grunt*huff* Fuck you! Fuck you!
(this continues for an hour until Archie breaks down weeping)
“YES! Soon I’ll be good enough to put this sword straight through Betty’s black, shriveled heart and finally end her reign of terror!”
“You just try running with that Swamp Thing / Archie crossover, DC… YOU JUST TRY IT!”
“Ha! Fool! You may have had Sabrina turn you into a tree, Reggie, but you unwisely left you organs untransformed and unprotected!”
“Huh. Maybe Dilton was onto something. I really DON’T need that hand!”
If I hit this tree just right I can cause all the words in the balloon above my head to disappear!
“I don’t know what idiot left their motorcycle rear-view mirror stapled to this tree, but it shall soon be mine… WHAT THE HELL?! My hand goes RIGHT INTO IT!! Some kind of dimensional gateway – a portal to ANOTHER WORLD!!
Once the Order learns of this, they will SURELY elect me their leader… grmph… my HAND – STUCK!! And now being pulled… FURTHER IN! NOOOOO!!! GIVE ME BACK MY HAAAAAND!!!! N-N-NOOOOO!!! M-MY WHOLE BODY… BEING SUCKED INTO THE OTHER UNIVERSE!!
…where am I? Some kind of hideous hellscape… the air almost too HOT to breathe! W-wha?! Visions of Betty… Veronica… Mrs Grundy… FUSED together in some kind of composite demon HARPY! W-wait! What are y-you DOING… N-N-NOOOO… N-NOT M-MY LOINS… NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
“…urk… ungggh… a-almost there…”
“…f-finally… f-finally FREE! It took countless millenia, but I’ve done it… returned to my original dimensional plane, using the same portal that once claimed me! Though it nearly cost me my sanity, it was REVENGE that kept me focussed… driven. Revenge against whomever set this accursed snare! Revenge against those whose visages have tormented me through the span of lifetimes! Revenge against ALL LIVING THINGS!!
For it may have been that Archibald Andrews passed through that demonic portal, but that is NOT who has returned to pass judgment. No, all humanity shall perish… at the one remaining hand… of PANDEMONICUS!!!!”
(you guys see multiple panels too, right?)
Once I’ve killed the last tree, the sky will stop being this awful oxygenated blue!
I’m not sure this is the right way to get to Narnia.
“Another month, and I’ll be ready to use a straight sword!”
“It’s dangerous to go alone. TAKE THIS!” (STAB) “See? I told you it was dangerous.”
“I’m pretty sure this is what Betty meant by attacking my morning wood.”
We are all screaming on the inside, tree. Free will is merely agency to customize one’s misery. I envy the certainty of your existence.
“…and THUS shall all bear witness to the cruel vengeance of PANDEMONICUS!!!”
“AAGGHH… OH GOD, REGGIE! WH-WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU… WHA… N-NOOO – MY INTERNAL ORGANS… OOZING THROUGH MY S-SKIN!!! JUGHEAD, HELP… HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!…..”
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
"[O]ne of the funniest bloggers on the planet... I only wish he updated more." -- Popcrunch.com
"By MightyGodKing, we mean sexiest blog in western civilization." -- Jenn
Subscribe in a reader