Countdown: Arena manages to quite possibly be the silliest and most pointless tie-in to Countdown yet, which in and of itself is impressive. Given that the plot essentially boils down to “hey, remember when you were a kid and you made your action figures fight each other? It’s like that!”, parodying it was a tough assignment.
But, hey. I’m game.
EDIT TO ADD: Yes, I know the plot is stupid. Again: this is a story where different characters beat each other up for absolutely no worthwhile reason and that’s genuinely the entire story in toto. And I know I didn’t change that much, because I simply couldn’t manage it. It is quite simply the worst comic published in years. (”One More Day” at least had a little style in its execution despite being a piece of shit.) I know some of you are disappointed, but – there’s only so much I can do, because Arena is, simply, what little children think writing comics is like. “And then Batman hits Superman in the face! And then Superman punches him with a garbage truck!” Et cetera.
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Hehehehe. Oh, while I was hoping for OMD, this does NOT disappoint.
For the record, I did get the Arena run while avoiding Countdown, mainly because I’m an Elseworlds Tool. I can’t help myself!
Monarch is truly inspired… why do the bad guys get the best dialogue, between this and Darkseid in DotNG #1.
You know normally your photomanips actually manage to make the stupid story make the tiniest bit of sense. Arena? STILL REALLY DUMB. But this was funny. I know Arena has fans. Among people whose taste I mostly respect. But its just so damn dumb. Dumb dumb dumb!
HA! While I actually enjoyed Arena for the most part, this was a great parody. And whether it’s the original or a parody, Vampire Batman getting his eyes stabbed is always funny.
Superman’s Son as a scientologist! Of course!
So that is all the series is? A guy so powerful he is no fun killing people who can’t stop him randomly? This series might even be too boring for repair. Like, I appreciate the concept of occasionally having a villian killing minor characters to show how badass he is. But two things 1) During Infinite Crisis, people looked like they were hurting Superboy Prime, or at least annoying him and 2) DC won’t stop doing this, every new character is killing ur dudz and is infinitely powerful. We actually enjoy some of the B through D list characters, stop killing them.
… I couldn’t hold my attention span past the first 7 pages, sorry. Even a parody does not change the fact that it’s been 7 pages and only couple pages of anything has happened.
*huggles your Monarch*
As usual, you’ve managed to turn something slightly depressing into something I’d buy, though I must say, the base material still does drag on in parts.
Also, just who is the woman who looks like the assbaby of The Penguin and The Darkness?
Really, it just read like ‘Arena’ with snappier dialogue in most parts, but still…Scientologist Superman for teh win.
I am so happy I get served these things here, ’cause I sure as hell would never buy or read them.
Still, it warmed my little fangirl heart to see L.E.G.I.O.N there, for a moment I almost hoped that this might be cool and…
… and then they died.
I still can’t get over that they actually went ahead and published something like this.
I will never, for the life of me, understand how DC/AOL have kept Scott McDaniel gainfully employed for as long as he has, while rejecting Max Fiumara’s work on Infinity Inc. as “too Vertigo-ish”. I’ve never seen this Arena book before, and hopefully, I’ll never have to again, if that art got past an editor.
I could not stop giggling at the Batman fight. Bravo.
Okay, Scientologist Superman cracked me right the fuck up.
okay, i thought it was only so-so UNTIL SCIENTOLOGY SUPERMAN who was absolutely hilarious.
also, SOME of arena was pretty fun– the bit with “mister & missus kord call me ted…” was priceless. i don’t mind the over-all goofy premise. i wish it WAS any good though.
I am always and forever a geek, ’cause I’m looking at the double splash page, and I *swear* that what immediately came to mind was “Hey, that’s the Wraith font that White Wolf used!”
Thank you. Always a pleasure to read your rewrites.
>Also, just who is the woman who looks like the assbaby of The Penguin and The Darkness?
One of the alternate versions of Nightshade – except on her world, she appears to be a female version on The Shade (a Golden Age villain turned antihero best known for his appearances in the last Starman series)
Rattsu, I also lament the loss of L.E.G.I.O.N., but look closer at the outfits of them and you’ll realise why it’s an even bigger tragedy.
Monarch has discovered the Vibrational Frequency where L.E.G.I.O.N. 90210 ACTUALLY HAPPENED and then killed them! What will we do the next time we need to sap an enemy’s will to live? How could this happen? What sort of horrible editorial policy would allow the brilliance of their last Annual to briefly flare into existence and then be extinguished?
I wonder if this means their Earth has the Ultimate Murder Machine. They could use that against Monarch.
[…] Christopher Bird remixes Countdown: Arena. (Above: panel from the detournement, art ©2007 DC […]
I, too, loved Scientologist Superman. And I may just start to say “be eating a bottom.”
…
Nah, probably not.
Jake: OMG you’re right!! I didn’t notice!
That makes me feel both happier and more depressed for some reason. No, mainly depressed. I just don’t get it, I like death in comics if it ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING.
Arena just comes across like badly written fanfic (not this version though, which is superiorly written fanfic).
I see a typo on page 14, panel 4.
There.
Now I’ve put in just as much editorial work on this thing as actual factual editor Michael Siglain…
Where’s my check?
If you’re referring to “signal honor,” Justin, that’s not a typo, but an existing expression.
I haven’t managed to read the whole thing yet (I’m at work, and technically I should be maybe, like, working instead of reading comic books), but HOLY GOOBERS that is the boringest-looking comic ever. What action there is is insignificant, there’s huge panels of virtually nothing happening, and the art itself is some balls-ass level work. On page 9, Superman’s fingers look like he has a handful Burger King French Toast Sticks or something. Since when does Superman have perfectly rectangular fingers? Blargh, it’s like seeing a terrible grammatical error in the front page headline of my dogshit local paper: intellectually, I know it already sucks no matter what, but does it have to be so shameless about sucking? Mr. Bird, how were you ever able to read far enough into this piece of crap on a crap cracker to write a parody? You have some monster willpower, sir!
I hate Paul Dini so much for getting this shitball rolling.
Uh… Ummm… No! I meant… Uhh… I meant that “hear” had way too many “e”‘s in it :op
But really though? Close to 30 years on this planet and I’ve never seen that before… Dang… And a quick, lazy-man’s search doesn’t pull up much by way of explanation…
Tell me, what does this mean, this “signal honor”…
You made a penanggalan reference.
I think I love you.
There’s one thing that always bugged me about this comic: why bother with the whole “deathmatch” thing at all? Isn’t three Supermen who are ambivalent to you better than one who hates you? Heck, aren’t fifty-two Supermen better than three? And why are you getting Blue Beetles and Rays instead of Firestorms or Martian Manhunters?