Well, examining my daily hitcount and reader totals as I am wont to do, I note that yesterday’s linkback from PvP better than tripled my usual readership.
In this spirit, I would like to announce the following upcoming posts:
“Are Gabe And Tycho Seditious Communist Agents? The Evidence”
“Joss Whedon: Serial Plagarist”
“Feist Is A Ho”
“Closeted Homosexual or Secret Bi Party-Bear: The Double (Or Triple) Life Of John Byrne” [1]
“Seriously, People, It’s A Movie About A Killer Fantasy Rabbit, Shut Up About Donnie Darko Already”
“Televisionwithoutpity: Illiterate Hillbilly Orgy”
“The Insane Clown Posse Are Actually Pleasant Gentlemen Who Are Nice To Grandmothers Everywhere”
“Perez Hilton: Fucking Shut The Fuck Up You Fucking Fat Fuckwad”
I look forward to total eventual domination of all media everywhere.
[1] Actually, I would write this one for real, every day, except I can’t figure out how you spell the noise one makes when one is slurping cock.
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Just wait until you read “You: You’re A Douchebag.”
I was wondering why posting links to your Civil War and Brand New Day spoofs didn’t bring any responses.
oh well.
If you’re looking to piss off the Republicans and Communists that frequently post on the PVP boards, I would suggest highlighting the many similarities between Marxist Communism and “Trickle Down” Reaganomics.
I’ll take all of these and the variant covers, please.
Make sure you’re servers are good and tough before poking the PA crazies. Hell, aren’t they known for accidentally crashing sites they link to because they like them?
Regarding the footnote: “I WROTE SHE-HULK omnomnomnomnomshllrrrrrp”
TA: Wait, so Dan Slott is this generation’s John Byrne?
Lurk: Yeah, but at least they’re kind of articulate. The PvPheads hitting up my old articles with comments are going with the Bingo Board Of Stupid-Ass Complaints About Criticism like fucking champions – I’ve already got “it’s just your opinion” and “it doesn’t cost you anything” and “make your own comic if you think you can tell a better story” and “you haven’t got anything positive to say.”
I’m just waiting for somebody to pre-emptively tell me off for mocking Kurtz for being fat before I even do such a thing (which I wouldn’t) so I can win the carton of UHU brand Glu-Sticks.
I can’t figure out how you spell the noise one makes when one is slurping cock.
Obviously you’re not a Jerkcity reader:
HUGLAGHALGHALGHAL, interj.
An all-purpose sound, denoting the act of performing oral sex, the act of receiving oral sex, taking drugs, writing your Congressman, misdialing your party and getting that annoying series of tones, or sitting perfectly still and making no noise whatsoever.
I believe it is scripted as “ahglalhglaghalg”
If you follow the above titles, you sir, could be the greatest website ever.
Follow it up with ‘I think Joe Q was correct in divorcing Peter and Mary Jane’ and you’ll be bookmarked. 🙂
I love “Invalid Response to Criticism Bingo”! It’s one of our favorite pasttime over at the Curmudgeons. Have you hit “cry all the way to the bank”, “you just don’t get it”, “you can’t judge it from the promotional material”, “why don’t you drop it already”, or “it’s just a comic book” yet?
The “Positivity Excuse” is my favorite — in that “criticism” is reduced to explanations of why a strip/comic/movie/fanfic/website is brilliant, and all other commentary stems from jealousy, pettiness, stupidity or rage.
May I recommend “SCHLORPF”? Now that’s a big sloppy BJ.
We all need to go watch Lady in the Water. Now that’s one of the sorriest responses to criticism ever.
On the subject of controversial articles, how about, “Jeph Loeb: The Great American Comics Writer”? Or “Greg Land: Master of Original Art”?
Mike, Greg: You should have seen some of the fanboy responses to critics ripping ten kinds of shit out of Southland Tales. I honestly saw folks lobbing the “it’s so bad it must be good” argument, to wit: So many critics are spending so much time tearing this film to pieces… it therefore must have merit!
Actually, I think “why don’t you drop it already” can be valid. I mean, if someone’s just cutting and pasting the same old shit over and over, without raising any new points or engaging in actual critical dialogue. If someone’s got Jay Sherman syndrome, it’s perfectly valid to just tell them to shut up.
Ken: Ooh, that’s a good one. It’s equal but opposite to “lots of people like it so it must be good”.
Andrew: The usual time you hear “Why don’t you drop it already” is when the critic has just said that he’s dropping it, that he’s reviewing a preview copy or collection, or some other reason why suggestions to drop it indicate that the complainer doesn’t know how to think.
you sir, have made me laugh more in the last hour of reading your website than Kurtz has made me laugh in 3 years.
You get his spot in my bookmarkys.
Ken,
I have to admit, that’s genius. And as I think about it, I’m certain I’ve seen that before: “If it’s so bad why do you keep coming back, day after day? Obviously it must be art if you’re so willing to talk about it.”
Head-exploding logic at its finest.
See, the thing about that rejoinder is I’ve always been entirely honest about why I still read PvP: Kurtz gets off a really good joke about once a week or so, and it’s low-effort to read.