THE CRIME TAILOR: I think you better explain this to me again.
JAVELIN: Well, I have these collapsible javelins, see. So I’m thinking I’ll call myself “Javelin.”
TAILOR: Yes, I got that.
JAVELIN: I was trying to come up with a color that starts with “J” so I could have, like, a color scheme all picked out for you ahead of time, but I couldn’t come up with anything.
TAILOR: Well, there’s jade. Jade Javelin?
JAVELIN: Jade Javelin’s not gonna work.
TAILOR: Jet black? The Jet-Black Javelin?
JAVELIN: That sounds kind of awkward. Doesn’t really roll off the tongue.
TAILOR: …jasmine?
JAVELIN: I thought that was a perfume.
TAILOR: It’s a color, too. Kind of a light purple.
JAVELIN: So basically it’s lavender?
TAILOR: Yeah.
JAVELIN: Sounds kind of gay, doesn’t it?
TAILOR: Maybe, but I don’t judge.
JAVELIN: Look, we’ll come back to the color later. So I got these javelins, right?
TAILOR: Right. Because you competed as a javelin… guy… in the Olympics.
JAVELIN: The term is “javelineer.”
TAILOR: Right.
JAVELIN: Anyway, I got an exploding javelin, and a glue javelin, and an electrified javelin, and –
TAILOR: Sounds like Green Arrow.
JAVELIN: Huh?
TAILOR: Well, it sounds like Green Arrow. With all the trick arrows he’s got, you know?
JAVELIN: Yeah, but Green Arrow is a pussy. He uses a bow. I throw these javelins.
TAILOR: Do you throw ’em further than he can shoot an arrow with his bow?
JAVELIN: …I don’t think so, no.
TAILOR: Then don’t go calling him a pussy. Green Arrow will fuck you up if you go after him.
JAVELIN: I’m not going to Star City anyhow.
TAILOR: Fine. Okay, so I’m thinking something along the lines of this – bright color base with blue-black trim. We can pick the color when we settle on your final name.
JAVELIN: Hey, a couple guys said you were the one to talk to about rocket boots?
TAILOR: I’m not a fan of the rocket boots. Guys want to rely on them, you’re lucky to get maybe two minutes’ worth of flying out of them before you run out of fuel…
JAVELIN: I just want ’em for an extra edge, you know? A backup.
TAILOR: Look, everybody says that, but then I gotta deal with the complaints when they come back here wearing a backbrace and demanding a refund. By the way, I did mention my refund policy?
JAVELIN: If I ask for one, you shoot me?
TAILOR: Right you are.
JAVELIN: I get where you’re coming from, but I still want the rocket boots.
TAILOR: Okay. If you really want the rocket boots, I recommend the Highstepper XLEs. They accelerate real quick, so you get a bit more oomph for your dollar.
JAVELIN: If you say that’s the best, I’m sold. Oh, can I get, like, a hip pouch?
TAILOR: For the javelins, right?
JAVELIN: Right.
TAILOR: Sure you don’t want a back-mounted quiver? All the European supervillains these days are big on the quiver.
JAVELIN: Back quiver seems kind of like overkill, doesn’t it? I mean, look, here’s one of my javelins.
TAILOR: Wow, that is small.
JAVELIN: Now, if I activate it it’ll extend to six feet, of course, but while it’s stored in the pocket… I mean, the hip-mount, I figure it’ll work like an easy-access pocket, be more convenient to pull and throw instead of reaching backwards over my shoulder.
TAILOR: What happens if the javelins activate while they’re in your pouch?
JAVELIN: What?
TAILOR: If they extend while they’re stored, and they’re on your back – well, it might get awkward, but worst that happens is you’ve got a ruined pouch. If your leg is angled wrong, though, and they extend while they’re still in a hip-pouch? I can see them, you know. Stabbing you to death.
JAVELIN: Oh, there’s microcircuitry in the gloves that has to come in contact with the javelins in order to extend them. I brought the gloves along for your redesign…
TAILOR: I see. Well, that’s very well thought out. So, as to color schemes, I’m thinking a sharp forest green…
JAVELIN: No green.
TAILOR: What’s wrong with green?
JAVELIN: Green Lantern wears green.
TAILOR: So?
JAVELIN: So I’m gonna be fighting Green Lantern. We can’t both wear green.
A pause.
TAILOR: You’re gonna fight Green Lantern.
JAVELIN: Well, not on purpose, but I figure Coast City is a nice target. Practically no super-crooks there.
TAILOR: That’s because Green Lantern is there, kid. He’s got the most powerful weapon in the universe! On his finger! You’re gonna fight him with javelins?
JAVELIN: I’ve got a javelin that sprays yellow paint on things.
TAILOR: Tell you what. Let’s make the costume yellow. I think that might come in handy if you’re going to fight Green Lantern.
JAVELIN: Excellent. It’s all coming together!
Because he fights Green Lantern with javelins.
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You know, I get down to the bottom and I see the words “No Comment” and I almost hate to ruin it, because I couldn’t find a more appropriate response.
“TAILOR: By the way, I did mention my refund policy?
JAVELIN: If I ask for one, you shoot me?
TAILOR: Right you are.”
Isn’t that the policy Wal-Mart uses?
Today’s ultra-nerdy question: who came first, Javelin or the Marvel villain Boomerang?
Boomerang was a mercenary villain (check), a former athlete (check), with trick throwing weapons (check) that were kind of goofy (check), who wore an ugly two-tone bodysuit (check) without armor but with boot jets (check), who fought heroes way, way too powerful for him (check). I recall Boomerang fighting the Hulk with, um, boomerangs, back in ye olden tymes.
You know, if this was a real guy, he’d be a badass. I’d root for him, you know. Guy with pointy sticks takes on all comers… but since it’s a *character*, who, you know, someone thought up and figured people would pay to see… yeah I get the rating.
Yellow IS kinda smart in that context. Except it’s not completely yellow.
“Argh! My forearms and feet have been RIPPED FROM MY BODY!”
Ok, he’s lame, but you (or Rex the Motherfuckingwonderdog) CAN NOT give 17% to this badass athlete an 36% to Knodar!! It’s just wrong!
Hey, Jaculi of the Jihad that appeared in Suicide Squad #1 used javelins, and he/she — there was a female Jaculi that appeared later in the run after the first male one got deaded — did all right with them.
Of course, they were speedsters, and their javelins were ‘splodey, but they stilll had to throw ’em the same way — their speed was short-burst, and for movement only.
Then they had the even GREATER disadvantage of facing Floyd ‘Deadshot’ Lawton, as opposed to Green Lantern:
Second Jaculi (after being shot in the leg): Kill me, American…or I willl…come back and kill you.
Deadshot: Okay. *BLAM*
You know, I always had a soft spot for Javelin. Probably because I caught his first appearance in a randomly-purchased GL comic I got for a train trip.
To Brad Reed:
Boomerang debuted in July of ’66. Javelin debuted in Feb. of ’84. Boomerang by a long shot.
He’s got the most powerful weapon in the universe! On his finger!
You know, people always say that, but never treat the ring as that powerful. Why not just call it what it really is: “A cracker-jack prize that makes a fancy light show? And you can fly. So I guess it’s more like a Legionnaire flight ring that makes a fancy light show.”
This reminds me. Are there any Lanterns left in the 31st Century, or whenever the Legion takes place?
“This reminds me. Are there any Lanterns left in the 31st Century, or whenever the Legion takes place?”
MGK is the expert on LSH, but I think I read that yes, there are, and they should appear in Final Crisis Legion of 3 Worlds.
His outfit kinda reminds me of one of Hank Pym’s costumes.
That background art of Javs throwing a spear through Hal Jordan’s shoulder argues, I feel, against the 17% rating.
Anyone who uses Hal Jordan as the pincushion he deserves to be is okay in my book.
Rond Vidar (son of Universo) is a GL in the Legion’s time, and Johns says there is one more, who will show up in the L3W series.
Wasn’t Javelin German in his early appearances? He often shows up in those “villain crowd scenes” full of otherwise dead characters – see any Roulette appearance.
This reminds me. Are there any Lanterns left in the 31st Century, or whenever the Legion takes place?
Depends on which continuity.
Joe X is correct about Rond Vidar and the one other in Geoff Johns’s version.
In the 5YL stories, Vidar’s ring was destroyed by Mordru and the energy from it transformed Celeste Rockfish into a green energy creature. Then there was a continuity ripple and she became a Darkstar.
I don’t recall any Green Lanterns in the reboot or threeboot stories.
In animated-series Legion continuity, we saw a large and active Green Lantern Corps in an issue of Legion of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century, prominently featuring the Teen Lantern, aka Jordana Gardner.
By the standards of the DC universe, pulling one crime does not make you a master criminal. Unless, it’s master as in “masters degree”. That would kind of make sense for a guy at this level. But then we’d have to call people like The Trickster “doctoral criminals” and that would get awkward real fast. “I’m a doctor of law-break-ology?” And then you get the schmucks who get a mail-order doctorate in divinity and call themselves doctoral criminals.
AND you have to come up with something that applies to the Joker. What? Nobel-Winning Criminal?
It says that Javelin is “serving a long term in Federal penitentiary.” So does that means he is in Club Fed? and is he in charge of the athletics program?
I don’t know. When the Green Lantern gets a good writer behind him – and a good artist – he can do some pretty entertaining and amazing shit. He’s effectively got telekinesis on anything not yellow, which I imagine could be pretty useful.
I’ve seen a few more daring renditions of GL where he saves people falling out of an airplane with a 50 foot tall playboy playmate’s boobs. Or he turns himself into a heavily armored calvary rider completely with jousting spear and flapping banner. Just the intimidation power alone is pretty entertaining.
And, of course, there’s the GL enemy counterparts who do ridiculously mean shit like creating vats of yellow acid or ebola viruses or hordes of demonic crazy critters designed to cause havoc and murder straight out of thin air. I’m pretty confident that the GL power ranks up there with the best of the best.
If a guy like Javelin has even half a chance against someone welding that much raw punch, its only because either A) the writer was giving this guy a huge handycap or B) he’s not really playing up the amount of ass-kicking Hal Jordon could traditionally dish out.
These kinds of characters slay me. The ones that are named after a singular weapon of choice and all they have going for them is variations of the same item over and over again. Just once I’d like to see a guy named The Frisbee whip out a gun and just shoot the pursuing superhero in the chest.
The only exception that I don’t mind is Oddball. At least the name gives a chance for more unusual character and weaponry development. I’d love the chance to re-invent that character.
I liked Jordana Gardner. Even tho she’s descended from Guy Gardner and Hal Jordan. Poor kid….
As for the Javelin. He was killed in OYL in Checkmate v2 06. Mirror Master recruits him to frame Amanda Waller but he fails miserably. But hey…at least he was in a group (Suicide Squad) and in JLU he was in the Secret Society.
“These weapons include an explosive javelin, a harpoon javelin…” Can anyone tell me the difference between a harpoon javelin and a regular javelin?
A harpoon javelin would have a rope or cable attached to it so that you could bring it back to you. A regular javelin wouldn’t.
Well, I would give him slightly more than 17%, if only for the balls of trying to go mano y mano with Hal Jordan with just a bunch of freaking javelins.
Very stupid, mind you, but ballsy. 😉
Y’know, I don’t think jasmine is a colour. I mean, I’m sure there are paints that call themselves ‘jasmine’, but there are paints that call themselves ‘harvest moon’, and it still isn’t a colour. And if jasmine were a colour, it would probably be white. Possibly yellow. Obviously I’m not saying you’re wrong, but that Crime Tailor chap really should know better.
It seems to me that a lot of people aren’t up to speed on Green Lantern and the rest of the Corps. I hate to be the “know-it-all” nerd but the weakness to yellow hasn’t plauged any of the vetern lanterns for a long time (nearly two years now) especially someone like Hal. Wikipedia has the details. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Lantern
Duh. Harpoon javelins can be used underwater.
Maybe a harpoon javelin would have a barb?
The harpoon javelin was designed to attack supers like the Bouncing Boy. It pretty much worked on “larger” opponents.
Now if he had a boomerang javelin that would be awesome.
Speaking of boomerangs (both the regular one and the Captain) why did they carry multiple boomerangs?
If they missed the very design of the weapon meant it would come back. If they are so skilled wouldn’t they need only one?
Ah, but what if you’re fighting more than one guy? You can throw the second one while you’re waiting for the first one to come back.
I want MGK to get a job writing comics just so he can use The Crime Talior as a character.
I’m willing to bet that Javelin was a member of the Zandia team in the “Australia Games” arc in Young Justice. I’d look through my collection, but I’m lazy.
I don’t like the sound of those boomerang javelins. (“To me, my — urrrkk.”) I always wanted Javelin to have a javalina as a sidekick.
The Flash’s Rogues Gallery *had* a Crime Tailor. …And speaking of the Rogues, when did *Captain* Boomerang debut vs. Marvel’s (non-Captain) Boomerang?
First, I guess.
I mean just because the Flash was the first SAer.
“Speaking of boomerangs (both the regular one and the Captain) why did they carry multiple boomerangs?
If they missed the very design of the weapon meant it would come back. If they are so skilled wouldn’t they need only one?”
I think some of Captain Boomerang’s boomerangs were rigged with explosives. The idea being that his throwing skill let him accurately place where he wanted the change to go off.
On the other hand, he did shoot the Flash into space with a giant boomerang and did not anticipate it returning, so you have to wonder about the Captain….
Evil Midnight Lurker:
Capt Boomerang first appeared in Flash 117 in 1960 while Boomerang first appeared in Tales to Astonish 81 in 1966.
Marvel’s got the Tinkerer, who’s basically a mass murderer when you get down to it.
But Javelins? Vs. Green Lantern? Granted, I don’t really see who he COULD fight and have a chance, but…Green Lanterns can split atoms.
I wonder if the LSH Green Lantern is Sodom Yat, who has a silly name.
“I think some of Captain Boomerang’s boomerangs were rigged with explosives. The idea being that his throwing skill let him accurately place where he wanted the change to go off.”
But isn’t that really just an explosive stick?
Though of course Captain Stick really wouldn’t have been that fearsome of a villain.
Captain Stick: “Fear me now, Flash. For I am Captain Stick.”
Flash (Barry of course): “Muhahahahahaha”
LOL, best write up ever. That return policy rocks. 🙂 Also his outfit looks like Booster gold and the blue beetle got to do a nasty.
I think Animal Man snuck in to make it a three-way.
AWE. SOME.
Marvel had a spider-man issue involving a tailor that did work for both heroes and villains alike. He saw villains on tuesdays and thursdays and heroes on wednesdays and fridays – or something like that. They showed images of him fitting the Blob, Dr Doom, Captain America, etc. If it hadn’t been tied into a really stupid subplot involving Spider-Man seeing his own future demise while helping Dr Strange contain Dormammu, it might have been a greater storyline.
He also looks vaguely like Animal Man, between the colour scheme and the goggle-strap-neck-thingy.
Animal Man is someone else he’d have a hard time beating in a fight.
[…] Green Lantern. No superpowers, no awesome weapons, not even anything made of yellow. Hell, at least Javelin had a yellow costume. Predator doesn’t even have that. Which means that in order for him to […]