Dragonsword is kind of weird. I mean, it starts out as a perfectly standard fantasy epic: apprentice tasked to go slay a dragon, apprentice slays dragon, sword becomes magic dragon-blade that gives him dragon-powers, and eventually heroic dragon-blade wielder must fight against evil emperor with transform-into-a-dragon power.
See, that’s fine. That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is the ending:
He defeats the emperor, then tells everybody “no more evil emperors!” and to make sure of this, he leaves, putting his talking chimpanzee buddy in charge of everything.
Now, if I were going to make sure that my fantasy world would never be plagued by tyranny ever again, here are a list of the top ways I would do it.
1.) Not leave, but instead stay, find myself a nice bit of mountaintop, occasionally eat a sheep, and roast any potential tyrant to death.
2.) Leave, but first establish a representative form of democratic government.
3.) Leave, but first roast everybody so that nobody can ever be tyrant again. (AKA “the literalist approach.”)
And so on. But seriously – a talking chimpanzee? That’s this guy’s plan for preventing tyranny forever? After all, unless I’m missing something it’s not an immortal talking chimpanzee, so all tyranny has to do is wait thirty years or so and hey, time to be tyrants! And even during the chimpanzee’s lifetime, it’s not like the chimpanzee has any special powers other than the ability to talk. What’s stopping the potential tyrants of the world from just killing the chimpanzee and taking over? The chimpanzee’s ability to talk about how much he loves bananas?
And another thing, what’s to stop the chimpanzee from becoming a tyrant, anyway? Have you ever read about chimps? They’re pack animals, and once you get past the mental image of them driving a truck and being a cute sidekick, it turns out that they actually really mean little fuckers who will rip your head off if you look at them the wrong way.
Man, Dragonsword did not think this thing through.
Top comment: Sheesh. You people are so quickly dismissive. Have you READ the Talking Chimp King’s 19 Point Plan to end Poverty and Secure National Safety? Its fucking genius man! — LurkerWithout
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Chimp probably tried to eat someone’s face and was shot by the sheriff. With like, a crossbow, or something.
What you failed to mention was that Dragonsword also left Karl Rove as the talking monkey’s advisor.
An immortal talking chimp with ties to magic? I’ve never heard of such a thing in DC canon. Ridiculous.
Detective Chimp must be so jealous of Dysillus. There are two talking chimps in the DC Universe, he becomes a alcoholic detective and the other gets to rule a kingdom.
See a tyrant chimp leads to the aristocracy to building a giant magically powered War Wheel. The chimp would be overthorwn and the currency of the relam returned from fruit back to actual coinage.
Unless of course the hero of Dragonsword returned and had to find the Chimpsowrd to kill the evil, tyrannical magical talking chimp. Fuck, I’d read Chimpsword!
He must have been awfully….close…..to that chimp to trust it to run a kingdom.
Wow. Is it me or does this sound like a recap of the US 2000 election cycle? You know, assuming the evil emperor got BJs under the desk and tried to pass universal health care.
To be fair, chimps aren’t MEAN, they just have different social cues. One of which is ‘smiling means a challenge to the death’.
Zifnab: Evil BJs?
*obligatory hilarious, knee-slapping comment that is sure to be the coveted Top Comment*
Really, after you name the guy Dragonsword, everything else has to be a let down.
Chimpan! Chimpan! Chimpanzees, HOOOOOOO!
Wow, he left a talking chimp in charge? Like, Frodo goes to Mordor, destroys the One Ring, and next thing you know, Bonzo is passing legislation? What crack was that writer smoking? That has got to be the most anti-climactic ending ever.
Sheesh. You people are so quickly dismissive. Have you READ the Talking Chimp King’s 19 Point Plan to end Poverty and Secure National Safety? Its fucking genius man!
Heh. A talking chimp is appointed to a coveted position and everyone else starts flinging poo. Who saw it coming.
“We called him Bonzo the Consensus-Builder.”
And if the guy left in power a dog that thought like a human, save lives and occasionally dodge gunfire, it would be all right.
Reminds me of a song about a monkey who was elected president and ushered in a new era of peace and harmony. And yes, I know that chimps aren’t monkeys.