The one thing Archie Andrews can be thankful for is that Betty Cooper doesn’t (usually) have god-like magical powers that allow her to kill or maim other people on a whim. Harvey… er… No-Last-Name is not so lucky. As revealed in this story from Sabrina # 21 (September 1974), written by Frank Doyle and drawn by Stan Goldberg before his characters’ faces started melting, Sabrina has adopted a policy of talking nice to her boyfriend while quietly using her Satanic powers to wreak destruction on any girl who even looks his way.
The violence begins in the splash panel, as Sabrina congratulates herself on her own lack of jealousy while literally raining thunder and lightning down on this poor girl whose only crime was to be (inexplicably) interested in Harvey. The whole thing has a “why don’t you stop drenching and electrocuting yourself” feel too it.
Then, after the girl has made it clear that she’s been thoroughly scared away, Sabrina tries to murder her by making a heavy sign fall on top of her. Just for the hell (again, literally) of it. Also, “Eeyipe!” was clearly a favourite Frank Doyle word along with “EEP!” “Urk!” and “W-ell.”
The freckled hell-spawn then returns to telling her poor sap of a boyfriend how wonderful he is, but senses danger when a stranger winks at him. So of course she does what anyone would do in a situation like that: causes her to have an entire supply of garbage poured onto her. I guess she was allowed to escape without any permanent scars only because she didn’t actually talk to him.
And, as the story ends, we see Sabrina casually destroying the lives, bodies and futures of literally every other young woman in sight, because it’s better to turn them into reptiles amphibians or cast them down to the centre of the Earth rather than risk having them talk to a guy who would later be played by Nate Richert. (Whatever happened to Nate Richert anyway?) I think my favourite image is of the girl being pulled into a mysterious building with a “girls wanted” sign. Apparently Sabrina is also using her witchcraft to sell women into prostitution.
I just wonder what Betty Cooper would do if she had supernatural powers. How could she ever top Sabrina’s combination of cruelty, viciousness and pathology?
I’m sorry I asked.
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That’s an amphibian, not a reptile.
I swear, when I’m retired and crotchety (more crotchety) I’m going to start a campaign to put basic math and science on the bar.
@BSD Thanks; corrected. I have also been known, like Calvin, to think that bats are bugs.
The lesson I’m taking away from this is that blondes are evil.
I’m pretty sure it’s “Harvey Kinkle.”
Wikipedia suggests that Harvey’s last name is Kinkle, but I’m pretty sure that it’s only a matter of time before he’s horribly disfigured and everyone starts calling him ‘Dent’. Maybe he looks at another girl.
Maybe he had it coming.
Is.. Is Betty wearing a Hammer and Sickle in that last panel?
It does look like that. And the red costume…
@Bringthenoise: that’s exactly what I thought too. I suspect it’s just the gold-on-red aspect of it.
Betty: Red Dawn
So basically the moral of any story in the archie comics comics is that women should resort to any means neccesary to police the sexuality of other women to protect men from experiencing any extra-marital sexual feelings or urges, up to and including witchcraft.
All roads lead to SPACE ISLAM apparently.
SabrinaBot 5000 will TURN YOU OUT!
So, basically, any blonde woman in the Archieverse is a raving psychotic lunatic.
No wonder they changed Sally’s hair color in the Sonic comics.
Okay, there’s no excuse for Sabrina’s actions, but I’ll have to support Betty on this one. Veronica IS evil.
If Harvey flirted with Midge, which one would end up suffering the most?
Does Jughead have a cousin in Sabrina’s entourage that is in any position to stop the havoc being wreaked by a boy-crazed sorceress supreme?
The lesson I learn is that all Archieverse writers have a psychotic blonde ex-girlfriend in their past. (Or perhaps their best friend does.)
what’s going on in that 3rd panel. it looks like Harvey followed the redhead around the corner to make some time – or maybe save her from Sabrina’s vengeance – but was disgusted by what he saw.
One more thing: “I would trample out the last spark of evil” is perfect for my business card.
The insignia on betty’s costume is a TS for “Super Teen” It’s from an Archie series in which the crew were all superheroes (and super villains) in addition to being wacky teens.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternate_Universes_in_Archie_Comics#Super_Teens
Jughead as “Captain Hero.” rocked BTW, he was the single most effective character in the book, as well as the most interesting.
Damn straight Captain Hero rocked.
When Harvey says “They do?”, the look on his face is not surprise at his own popularity.
It is the look of a man who sees a threesome in his immediate future.
You know reflecting on SAbrina… she always has the penchant for being a bitch. Hell more than one Sabrina story dealt with her abusing powers and having them removed…
Still, blondes in the Archieverse are fucking nutso…
@Sage Freehaven, SmR
*Everyone* has a psychotic blonde ex-girlfriend.
Yes, everyone. Even people who live in blonde-deficient areas of the planet such as rural China, Southern Africa and Micronesia have psychotic blonde ex-girlfriends (who don’t let little things like having never met the boyfriends in question or considering that the boyfriends don’t even know that they exist stop them from spreading their reign of terror.) It’s the reason why blondes are always stereotyped as cutesy-dim bombshells and redheads are bitches on wheels: they’re trying to throw us off of their trail. And it works, it works all too well…
[…] 5) Why I don’t get Archie comics for my son anymore. […]
We need to get Betty and Sabrina together. Get them drunk, let them have their way with each other, and they’ll spontaneously combust.
“I think my favourite image is of the girl being pulled into a mysterious building with a “girls wanted” sign. Apparently Sabrina is also using her witchcraft to sell women into prostitution.”
That is just creepy…really creepy. It gives an overaly serious, adult, seriously F*cked up tone to the Archie mythos all of a sudden. Damn.