ROBERT RODRIGUEZ
Is this irony
Or sincere post-irony?
So identical
THE COEN BROTHERS
Quirky film, dark film
Quirk, dark, quirk, dark, quirk, dark, quirk
Quirkdarkquirkdarkquirk
JAMES CAMERON
Lovely lucid dreams
of immense complexity
shaped by an asshole
GEORGE LUCAS
An old man believes
He can recapture youth’s spark;
Sadly, he is wrong
STEVEN SPIELBERG
Only childlike joy
can now save the universe
(then something explodes)
KEVIN SMITH
Dick joke, toilet joke,
sex joke, an epiphany,
dick joke, dick joke, fin.
RIDLEY SCOTT
The director’s cut
poem of this sense makes more
everything explains
ROBERT ZEMECKIS
Named a volleyball
then thought, “not lifeless enough.”
Thus: Polar Express
TIM BURTON
Johnny Depp appears
within Burton’s haiku. Why?
Obligatory
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
The surprising twist
is that this very haiku?
No longer Asian
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Michael Bay
The giant robots
Fights and explosions obscured
by camera movement
Genius, MGK!
Especially Zemeckis
and Coen Brothers
Uwe Boll
Oh god my poor eyes
It’s like he killed a child
And sent me the parts
but it was worth it
sold his soul to the devil
Christopher Nolan
Seltzer and Friedberg
are bad for America
Stop seeing their films
Indy Director
Never before heard of you
Never will again
Joel Shumacher will
Follow Tim Burton and trash
Any thing you like
Tarantino says
Why bother to write anything
Just have swears and shots
It’s really easy to do negative ones, gotta try something else..
F-ing brilliant.
AMENABAR:
Genre pics are great
Oscar loves misery porn
Chabon in reverse
EASTWOOD:
Characters live lives
Of quiet desperation
In unsubtle films
GREENGRASS:
No Steadicam makes
Action scenes hard to follow.
Who is even fighting?
This is awesome. I love the M. Night one – your humor, it has layers.
GUY RITCHIE:
Gritty stylized farce
narrated in Cockney slang
with Jason Statham
DAVID CRONENBERG:
Twisted characters
You could sit and watch all day
‘Til your head explodes
PAUL GROSS:
A few good moments
Proudly Canadian, eh
Otherwise, pure tripe
STEPHEN SODERBERG:
Hollywood buddies
Get together, have fun, and make
Overrated films
MICHAEL BAY:
BANG! BANG! BOOM! POW! BANG!
BANG! BOOM! BANG! plot BANG! BOOM! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BOOM! POW! BANG!
BRIAN SINGER:
The next great artiste
Then he filmed superheroes
All downhill from there
ED WOOD:
Proof that even crap
Given mood and irony
Can entertain you
Just thought of this one…
QUENTIN TARANTINO:
A grizly ballet
Of blood, guns, crime, monologues
And classic rock tunes
JJ Abrams
Shakey cam lens flare
Lost still makes no sense to me
But I can’t not watch
QUENTIN TARANTINO
Genre characters
Search for deeper meaning in
Sexy womens’ feet
JOHN WOO
Driven by man-love
Bullets fly in slow-motion;
The doves fly upwards
ERROL MORRIS
Curious subjects
Talk directly at camera,
Revealing their selves
EDGAR WRIGHT
Our story be–QUICK
CUT–hilarious moment!–
Genre cleverness!
DAVID LYNCH
Unbalanced subjects
Deeply eerie visuals
Was it all a dream?
ORSON WELLES
Auteur of “auteur”
Squandered his talent but still
Watch “Citizen Kane”
GEORGES MELIES
Doctor, I have a
Rocket in my eye, it hurts
To the moon, Alice!
FRITZ LANG
Escaped to L.A.
More movies, but none as good
as “Metropolis”
WES ANDERSON
Always cast Wilsons
Then found his perfect actors
In stop-motion dolls
OK, I’m done. Back to work.
WES ANDERSON:
Painfully hipster
Devolves to self-parody
I miss his first films
I can’t enjoy him anymore since the Spiderman & God of War spoofs nailed him
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5KfHEoZDKI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rylS-X0s-KM