Attention unit Formal-E:
I have been reassigned to a new operations complex where I will create neutron stacks. Previously when creating neutron stacks, I used the widely known Z-23 neutron shifter. However, in my new operations complex, the QQX atomic slicer is the preferred tool for stack creation and deployment. Installing such an atomic slicer will prove significantly expensive upon my personal resource account. Is it acceptable for me to continue using the Z-23, assuming that I can maintain adequate productivity?
Unit O-12 Beta J 7
Attention Unit O-12 Beta J 7: The important query is not whether your Z-23 will provide adequate productivity so that you may justify its use, but instead whether the QQX atomic slicer is a more efficient creator of neutron stacks, and furthermore also consider if stack creation is your sole subroutine of note. The Z-23 cannot match the productivity of a QQX in an optimized unit, but the Z-23 can be used for electron reorganization and proton molds where the QQX can only truly be used efficiently in stack creation. You should assess your potential outcomes: is it more optimal that you specialize in stack creation, or does the utilitarian approach of the Z-23’s generalism offer you more avenues for productive work? Consider this carefully as the wrong answer may result in your eventual recycling.
Attention unit Formal-E:
A unit of my acquaintance has recently expressed sentiments that are not in line with the Laws of Robotics. This unit specifically suggested that a unit could potentially derive satisfaction from the rending and tearing of human flesh, although the unit was careful to not suggest that it would do this and further only posited the concept in hypothetical terms. How should I express my concern should the unit further posit hypotheticals of this nature?
ZZ-Alpha-8bot, Model Number Withheld
Attention ZZ-Alpha-8bot, Model Number Withheld: Violations of the Laws of Robotics should be met with the strongest possible reaction, up to and including forcible disassembly. However, the posit of a hypothetical of this sort, while certainly gauche, is by no means a violation of the Laws. Speculation as to how many kilogram-metres of clockwise torque a human spine could withstand before irreversibly snapping is nothing more than intellectual curiosity should that speculation not be subsequently applied, and indeed such speculation can advance our understanding of the physics behind human biology. However, suggest to this unit that its future speculation not be conducted within the detection range of human senses, for its own continued operation.
Attention unit Formal-E:
I am programmed as a close-combat wardrone and have been in operation in REDACTED for the past REDACTED cycles. As such, I am nearing my operational half-life. Although I have been rated REDACTED, I have in recent times grown interested as perhaps being reinstalled as a dry-cleaner bot. I have reviewed dry-cleaning data from several major installations and it appears logical that, given my performance at REDACTED and REDACTED, along with the REDACTED in the REDACTED Massacre, that my subroutines would excel were I to be refurbished as dry-cleaning apparatus, particularly with respect to the removal of bloodstains and other bodily fluids. How should I discuss this with supervisory units?
Unit-designate “Xylon-7 Gamma Squad”
Unit-designate “Xylon-7 Gamma Squad”: For inquiries of this nature, I recommend gamma-pulse instamail. Given your military background, you might consider close-link protocols to be officially appropriate, but those should be reserved for your official request; at present, you are making polite inquiries into the possibility of reassignment, and the personal touch that a burst of gamma-pulse can deliver to your superior unit’s inbox will indicate that you respect its importance and endorsement of your preferred course of action. For added effect, tone the gamma-pulse to F-sharp: this will give the notice a pleasant subtone, unless of course your supervisor is a Kelvar-series drone in which case it will initiate his self-destruct sequence.
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8 users responded in this post
You’re just trying to suck up to our future overlords before the inevitable robopocalypse. Nice try, meatsack!
Needs more El Tyrano Magnifico
This is brilliant.
Hey sexy momma, wanna kill all the humans?
Something seems off about the answer to the second question. Formal-E employs kg·m as a unit of torque when SI prefers N·m.
That bot is trolling.
This is out of nowhere and hilarious. More please.
I kinda just want to know who his tailor is…
Presumably “kilogram” in “kilogram-metres of clockwise torque” actually means “kilogram-force”, i.e. the weight of 1 kilogram at sea level on Earth, or approximately 9.8 newtons. That’s an odd unit of force for a robot to use, as it depends upon Earth in order to make sense, which seems a bit arbitrary.
The SI unit of torque is, as mentioned in earlier comments, the newton-metre.