My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

Your guest hosts are Luther (again – is he permanent now? I hope not) and Mia Michaels. Enough with the Americans already! Bring back Karen Kain!

Bree and Edgar: dancehall. Second week Bree and Edgar have gotten an urban style, second week it’s been very good, second week Bree has gotten a lot of praise for being merely solid. (Then again, “solid” on this version of SYTYCD is generally better than any other iteration’s “good,” so.) I didn’t quite like this Jaeblaze dancehall as much as the one she choreo’d last year, but this was very enjoyable and a good opener to the show.

Amanda and Denys: contemporary. Perfectly decent routine which was elevated by the dancers’ performances; Denys and Amanda have really good chemistry, and Denys’ stoneface evaporates when he dances in a way that’s really interesting to see. Even though Denys has contemporary training, his extensions are a bit… odd? Not in a bad way, but you can definitely see the ballroominess of his movements, I think. But whatever, this was really impressive.

Kirsten and Jera: paso doble. Oh, dear, Jera’s scowlyface. Francis and Natalli had some really spectacular paso choreography – I mean, seriously great stuff – and the dancing, while not world-class, was certainly very decent, especially considering the difficulty level involved. (That final lift into a backbreaker – what the hell.) But Jera’s scowlyface was so ridiculous-looking as to be parodic, and that’s distracting.

Natalie and Mackenzie: hip-hop. This actually felt like a bit of a house-style crossover, which given that it’s Sho-Tyme choreo isn’t surprising. This was really difficult choreo – and obviously difficult choreo – and Natalie and Mackenzie didn’t quite make it look effortless but they looked good doing the steps and more importantly looked like hip-hop dancers rather than contemporary dancers. Mackenzie was perhaps a bit more comfortable with the footwork than Natalie was, but both were strong.

Claudia and Yonni: foxtrot. This was a daring experiment that went horribly wrong: a slow, dreamy foxtrot set to “Telephone” by Lady Gaga, which is an upbeat song and thus made the entire dance look five times slower than it in fact was (and it was already a slow foxtrot). Naturally, Mia blames the dancers, including Yonni, who has never danced foxtrot in his entire life but hey salsa and foxtrot are both “ballroom” (even though Latin dance and competitive ballroom have very little in common) so he should know how to do that, right? Shut up, Mia. Yonni and Claudia were both perfectly okay dancing this bad idea.

Charmaine and Jeff: contemporary. Your standard Stacey Tookey moment of brilliance with Jeff and Charlene in their element. That is all.

Julia and Jesse: samba. I think I know why TonyNMelanie keeping getting to do choreo for this show despite usually being boring as all hell: they’re very good at isolating the various elements of a Latin dance, which makes it easier to judge a dancer on their merits at performing those various elements. Julia: of course very strong. Jesse: good hip action, but still stiff in the upper body and his work in the paired samba roll was dreadful. Overall routine: boring, as expected.

Danielle and Sebastian: theatre. The judges loved this and I… did not. I thought Sean Cheeseman’s choreography was great (which makes me sound like a judge! “It wasn’t the choreographer’s fault!”), but Sebastian and Danielle both looked clumsy to me: he was falling out of his pirouettes ahead of beat, she stumbled more than a couple of times, and the unison sections were frequently, well, non-united. I thought Danielle’s performance quality in terms of embodying the character was strong, Sebastian less so. Jean-Marc busts out “VID” again because it is the Worst Catchphrase In The World.

Janick and Shevar: krump. L’il C calls himself a “warriographer” about a dozen times (claiming that he just came up with it, uh huh sure whatever L’il C). Janick was very bad in this, I mean holy crap levels of bad. After seeing all the other contemporary dancers tonight nail their hip-hop numbers, Janick was just not up to snuff by any reasonable standard; the force behind her moves was not there and there was no swag in her step at all. Shevar was good. Not great, but certainly capable, and he had the attitude at least.

Kloe and Jonathan: jazz. In the video package Kloe reveals that her nickname is “Orangina” because she routinely wears too much bronzer, and it’s like piercing the veil because, as a guy, now that she has pointed it out I cannot stop noticing it and the entire routine was “god, she’s so orange.” I was lukewarm on Blake’s choreo here; it just felt very standard, somehow. But Kloe and Jonathan danced it well enough and should be safe.

Probable bottom three: Claudia and Yonni, Julia and Jesse, Kirsten and Jera.
Should go home: Kirsten and Jesse.
Will go home: Claudia and Yonni.

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

I know this season has a buttload of contemporary dancers (nine girls and seven guys out of 22), and this is something I have complained about previously when discussing SYTCYD. On the bright side, though, Canadian dancers crosstrain more than average. So there is that, at least.

Kirsten and Jera: contemporary. This was a perfectly decent opener for the season, entirely pleasant and entirely unmemorable. Honestly, I am striving to remember anything at all about it now. I know they danced and I remember quite liking their lines. That will have to do. I’m not even sure if it was first. I think it was first.

Claudia and Yonni: salsa. TonyNMelanie make their return to SYTYCDCA with a truly blah piece of salsa choreo, all the more unforgivable because Yonni and Claudia are both Latin ballroom dancers; the tricks could have been far more fluid and I’m one hundred percent sure that Yonni and Claudia could have nailed it as easily as they nailed this piece of ugly choreo.

Amanda and Denys: tango. Amanda’s legs are insane and they go on forever. It’s almost inhuman. She wobbled a bit early on in this – clearly not that experienced at dancing in heels – but recovered nicely immediately after and was rock-solid throughout the rest of the routine. Denys was ridiculously good, as you would expect him to be with this right in his wheelhouse.

Kloe and Jonathan: hip-hop. Kloe was very, very rigid through this entire (quite decent) routine by Sho-Tyme. No flow at all. Jonathan was better; his lower body got into the groove quite well, but his upper body was a bit too loosey-goosey and he wasn’t hitting his releases on the arm movements nearly as hard as he could have done. Still, since the routine was pretty step-centric he still came off quite well.

Charmaine and Jeff: jive. And that’s what happens when you blow a big move and can’t recover from it. Charmaine made an effort, at least; Jeff just collapsed and didn’t find himself until the end of the dance. In fairness, having an uptempo jive married to a “soldier has to abandon his girlfriend to go off to war” storyline is kind of weird to begin with, but they really didn’t come up to par at all.

Danielle and Sebastian: Bollywood. This seemed like a really, really simple routine – just all sorts of basic – and everybody knows choreographers will dumb down routines when dancers can’t handle the steps involved, but how much was involved here? Sebastian calls himself “quirky” about seven thousand times and then the judges all call him “quirky” and then Leah Miller calls him “quirky” and I never want to hear the word ever again, because Sebastian seems like a decent person other than this one really annoying affectation.

Janick and Shavar: afrojazz. Very solid work here as CHEESEMAN~! brings the goods, as he is wont to do. When Janick and Shavar were dancing in unison or on their own, they were just excellent; the only stumbles came on the lifts, where Shavar looked a bit tentative bringing Janick up and the pauses were noticeable. Still, better that he execute them well and a bit offbeat than badly, I suppose.

Julia and Jesse: “new disco.” Once again Melissa Williams tries to invent a new genre and once again it’s just jazz dance with a few imported moves (in this case, disco) and once again her choreography is thoroughly disappointing; we’re now in three years of her choreographing for the show and I can’t think of one piece of hers that’s been more than tolerable. Julia owned her performance, though; she has stage presence to spare. Jesse… not so much, not yet.

Natalie and McKenzie: Viennese waltz. This was very nice. I’m not going to go further than “very nice,” but it was definitely that thing. McKenzie’s rise and fall could be a little more pronounced, and their backs could have been firmer in closed position, but on the whole this was perfectly acceptable dancing.

Bree and Edgar: hip-hop. Ah, yes, Canadian hip-hop, where we can grind it hardcore on stage. Edgar absolutely killed this, every single bit of it. Bree was fully committed, and although she doesn’t have Edgar’s hip-hop technique she definitely made up for it with sheer effort. Jean-Marc busts out the “V.I.D.” catchphrase which nobody in the entire universe likes. Stop it, Jean-Marc.

Shelaina Special Substitute Tara-Jean and Hani: jazz. Shelaina tragically broke her foot and, barring some sort of voodoo miracle, is gone tomorrow night without even getting to perform, which probably means they’ll pull a Billy Bell for her next year and let her try to make top 20 again. Tara-Jean is even better than she was last year, which is the way of things. Hani was very good and should be safe.

Probable bottom three: Charmaine and Jeff, Danielle and Sebastian, Julia and Jesse.
Should go home: Shelaina and Jeff.
Will go home: Shelaina and Jeff.

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

…well, the ones that weren’t to music by Warner Music Group, anyway. which is a shame because Warner’s Youtube boycott kills most of the great ballroom and also Justin Johnson’s mindblowing tap solo. (That having been said: trust me, watch to the end. The last one in particular is mindblowingly awesome.)

JR (second) reminds me in style astoundingly of Twitch.

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

It’s a deceptively simple question: When exactly did ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, the series, end? To some, of course, the answer is, “It didn’t.” Dark Horse Comics has already announced a Season Nine to come after the conclusion of the comics-only Season Eight, and the same people who wrote for the TV series are clearly enjoying the upsides of writing a Buffy series with an unlimited budget and no worries about actor availability. That’s ‘Buffy’ in some form, definitely.

But to others, ‘Buffy’ ended when the series left television. Seven seasons, two networks, 144 episodes, no writing Emmys. Certainly, the facts argue in favor of that interpretation; ‘Buffy’ Season Seven features the same core cast as Season One, the same basic setting, even the same theme music. But Season One was about a teenage girl who was trying to make it through the metaphorical hell of high school while simultaneously trying to stop demons from the literal mouth of Hell, while Season Seven was about…um, a twenty-two year old woman looking for a career, and a bad guy who couldn’t do anything but make vague menacing threats, and Andrew for some damned reason. They’re set in the same place, they feature the same people, but they don’t feel like the same series when set side by side. Only because we watched the transformation as it slowly occurred does it feel seamless to us.

So when did ‘Buffy’, the show that started in 1997 on the WB, end? Did it finish on the WB as well? It’d be hard to argue that, I think; Buffy as protective big sister/single parent to Dawn, working out of the Magic Box to battle demons alongside super-witch Willow and semi-redeemed vampire Spike, feels less like Season One than Season Seven did. (Not to mention Season Five marks the breaking point where the series ceases to be about people growing up and begins to be about people who have grown up and find their life really sucks and it’s not what they thought it’d be in high school and they’d really rather go back and be teenagers again…actually, Seasons Five through Seven really suck the joy out of re-watching Seasons One through Four. “Oh, aren’t Willow and Oz so cute together?” “Yeah, they go through a painful break-up later on, and then she becomes a lesbian and falls in love with this really sweet girl…who gets shot and killed.” One of the big problems with both ‘Buffy’ and ‘Angel’ was that neither series knew when to stop bumping off supporting characters.)

So it’s Season Four, then. Except…as much as I love Season Four (and I do; I think it’s the last good season, and it’s got some of the best comedy episodes) it’s actually a much bigger break from Season Three than Five is from Four or Six from Five. It’s a change of setting, a big change of supporting cast (gone are Angel, Cordelia, Principal Snyder, Joyce, Jonathan and Oz as regulars, and in comes Riley, Maggie Walsh, Forrest, Graham, Tara, Spike and Anya as regulars) and a change of mission, too. Buffy and her friends aren’t teenagers dealing with teenage problems anymore. They’re grown-ups, learning what it’s like to be out in the wider world.

No, I think that you can safely set aside Seasons One through Three of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ as a seamless whole, an epic story about how we become adults told through a prism of sorcery, horror, kung-fu, and witty quips. All of the themes introduced in the beginning of the series (“high school is hell”, “Buffy’s friends are assets to her Slaying and not liabilities”, “your first love might seem passionate and true and the deepest you’ll ever experience, but they’re not necessarily good for you and passion isn’t enough to sustain a relationship”, “growing up means making decisions for yourself instead of listening to authority figures”, “having true friends that stick with you through thick and thin is better than being powerful”) are wrapped up in dramatic and spectacular fashion in the season finale (the commencement speaker turns into a giant demon snake, Buffy rallies together the entire high school class to defeat it, Angel walks away afterward to let her find someone who can be happy with her, Buffy tells the Watchers to sod off because she doesn’t need a Watcher anymore, and the season ends with everyone together watching the flames and then walking away hand-in-hand.) Heck, the Season Three finale even ends with the suggestion that there’s no need to worry about the Hellmouth anymore: the last line of the episode is, “Why do demons even come here anymore?” What could be more series finale than that?

‘Buffy’, as we finally saw it, is a genuinely great piece of television. But the first three seasons are the true ‘Buffy’ because they’re the execution of the central concept, a great idea turned into a magnificent series that ended just like it needed to. After that, it’s just a matter of following the character around while she lives her life, and frankly that’s not the same thing as telling a story. Buffy might keep fighting evil forever, but ‘Buffy’ ended the day she got her diploma.

Aw Shucks and All-Star Lauren: Bollywood. Judges’ tonguebath, as usual; this did not earn it. Not a terrible routine, certainly, but Kent’s dancing was not “finalist” quality here: his arms, especially in the second half of it, looked awkward – particularly in comparison to Lauren, who hit her moves precisely. Also, dork-face, as usual. His legwork was excellent, though, so all due consideration for that. Even so: not quite good enough for a finalist.

Lauren and All-Star Twitch: hip-hop. I really wish this routine had done more with the podiums: that was clever choreo while they were behind it. Anyway, this was basically the same as Lauren’s last hip-hop routine with Twitch: not as good as Twitch, because who is, but very strong and certainly above par for someone with not a lot of experience in the genre. (Of course at this point the show quite obviously only gives hip-hop routines to finalists who can actually dance it, so no surprise that Lauren got it.)

Robert and All-Star Mark: jazz. A rare misfire for Tasty doing jazz (as opposed to the routine misfire that is Tasty doing Broadway). This just felt very boring and basic to me: no feeling of an overall routine, lacking the feel of anything more than steps following steps. Robert danced it quite well, though. So good for him.

Robert and Lauren: contemporary. When I talk about “finalist quality,” this is the sort of thing I mean. Lovely.

Aw Shucks and Lauren: jazz. Oh my god that is the worst thing I think Mandy Moore has ever choreo’d for this show, and she has had more than a few clunkers. Even the Kent-screaming audience were completely unimpressed: that is how bad this was. Nigel actually called out Mandy Moore for sucking, which I did not think was humanly possible.

Aw Shucks and All-Star Allison: contemporary. Perfectly good contemporary routine. I didn’t lurve it as much as the judges – I think Stacey Tookey has done better – but it was a good routine and Kent danced it quite well, with the only exception being his goggle-eyes; he managed to get rid of the Aw Shucks mouth for this, and most of the expression, but was wide-eyed throughout, which detracted a bit for me. But only a bit, because he did dance this well.

Robert and All-Star Kathryn: Broadway. Boy, they sure are stretching Robert tonight, huh? Snark aside, he absolutely nailed this: his performance was flawless, much like everything else tonight. Simply put: Robert is peaking at the right moment. He has a very small chance to win, which previously I would not have given him.

Lauren and All-Star Pasha: cha cha. Very good performance from Lauren here, although she visibly missed handholds at least twice and Pasha had to overreach to compensate. Other than that, though, this was a very good piece of work from Lauren. Not quite as good as Kathryn last year doing her ballroom routines with Ryan (despite Nigel’s claims otherwise), but very good indeed, and the only time this entire season that Pasha has actually had a partner working on par with him.

Robert and Kent: malevos. This was achingly bad; it looked like stuntmen doing a bad job of work, not a dance. Neither Robert nor Kent looked comfortable, not even a little bit, and even with choreo that gave them the chance to lean on their classically trained backgrounds they still looked bad. Ugh. Kent’s had such a bad night; previously I thought he had this in the bag, but I think he’s actually performed poorly enough tonight that Lauren can snag it.

Final order should be: 1.) Lauren 2.) Robert 3.) Kent
Final order will be: 1.) Lauren 2.) Kent 3.) Robert

(Now bring on the Canadians already!)

A bit late, but my weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

The movie “The Legend of Bagger Vance” popped into my head this morning. (And you think you have problems…) Thinking about it reminded me about how back when it came out, there was a big debate ovSer the movie’s use of the “magical negro” stereotype. I remember agreeing with the people who pointed this out, but not without some reservations…after all, I pointed out, if George Lucas had cast Sidney Poitier as Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Sir Alec Guinness, would he have automatically become a magical negro even though the script hadn’t changed?

Which, in turn, reminded me of “women in refrigerators”. The list is well-known by now among comics fans, as are some of the excuses different writers have come up with for its existence. But the fact is, the most common one (“Hey, it’s not like men have it easy either!”) is actually sorta kinda true…Steve Trevor bit the big one a couple of times, the Vision was gruesomely dismembered and revived as a pale imitation of himself in order to put a little conflict into the Scarlet Witch’s story arc, the first couple of guys who even thought about dating Ms Marvel bit it, and let’s not even get into the whole Terry Long thing. (Husband and son both bit it there…)

But that’s the thing: Only an idiot would actually try to use these as arguments against the prevalence of racism and sexism in popular culture. Even though you can say, legitimately, that the “magical negro” is simply a mentor archetype that happens to be black, and even though you can say, legitimately, that a “woman in (a) refrigerator” is simply a supporting character that gets bumped off in order to provide a little drama for the main character who happens to be female, we can all recognize that there’s still something skeezy about it all. (Well, most of us can. I know all the enlightened, wise readers here can.) So what is it? Why is it not okay?

The answer is that there are so few other roles for these characters to take that the supporting roles become disproportionate representations of the characters in popular culture. Or, to put that a little less fancy, it’s not that there are lots of black “wise mentor” characters, it’s that there are so few black heroes getting mentored. It’s not that there are so many women in comics who die, it’s that there are so few who get to go off and avenge the deaths. These things are symptoms of a far deeper, more fundamental problem in pop culture, namely a dearth of protagonists who aren’t white guys. Nobody thinks to cast a black guy in the Luke Skywalker role; he’s relegated to the Obi-Wan (or more accurately, Mace Windu) part. We’ve reached a plateau in bringing diversity into our cult fiction, where characters outside the white male “standard” are included, but almost never in a leading role. Until that changes, you’ll continue to see the same stereotypes. Because they’re not stereotypes, they’re archetypes….but they’re the only archetypes women and minorities are allowed to inhabit.

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

Aw Shucks and All-Star Anya: cha cha. Anya’s makeup is horrendous. Kent started dancing this with some genuine Latin flavour and then suddenly it just all went away as he stopped dancing from his hips, which is disappointing because there have been many more cha chas on SYTCYD which have been far more complex than this one. He also really fucked up that last final big lift by not letting Anya down easily. Mia complains that Kent still has dorkface, to which Kent basically says “but I like having dorkface.”

Robert and All-Star Kathryn: contemporary. Nice little reversal by Stacey Tookey having the girl be the going-away soldier rather than the guy. Anyway, this was quite excellent, and really the biggest single justification for the All-Star concept is getting to see Kathryn dance basically every week, as she is probably the dancer most unfairly excluded from the finals in the show’s history and is awesome. Robert was good in his usual forgettable way. This was good. Really, I don’t have much else to say here.

Adechike and All-Star Courtney: jazz. This was great fun, not least because I can’t recall at present the last time a jazz routine was actually danced to jazz music on this show. Adechike outdanced his partner for what I think is the first time all season, continuing his general trend of steady improvement. Inventive choreo from Tasty, too.

Not Legacy and All-Star Comfort: hip-hop. So that’s two-for-two with Jose dancing hip-hop with Comfort and not doing it very well, which is doubly bad because Comfort, unsurprisingly, nailed it. Nigel explains that Jose hasn’t been in the group routines because Jose has injured his groin, which makes this approximately four billion injuries this season.

Lauren and All-Star Allison: Broadway. Oh, Tasty Oreo, why must your Broadway choreo be so boring? It’s like the moment somebody says “imagine this is on a stage in New York City” he turns into Dark Tasty. Anyway. Predictable, unremarkable choreography, danced very well, which was expected.

Billy and All-Star Ade: contemporary. Ade only did two big lifts in this routine. I believe that is a record low for him. Genuinely fantastic work from all concerned; Billy hits his high point with this. Stacey Tookey is having an excellent night, isn’t she? Nigel explains that not eliminating injured Billy last week was the right call. Ashley, sitting somewhere else, swears at him.

Aw Shucks and Not Legacy: Broadway. Kent’s dorkface was in full display here, which was really the only complaint one can make about his dancing. Jose was honestly quite good as well, not as good as Kent was, but of course this was quite in Kent’s wheelhouse and not in Jose’s. (Jose’s wheelhouse is basically nonexistent.) Jose genuinely is improving as a dancer all around; now he’s at the point where other dancers get eliminated from the top 20 in the first week. Spencer Liff’s Broadway is about ten thousand times better than Tasty’s.

Lauren and Adechike: foxtrot. Finally a foxtrot! And… not a very good one, to be honest. Lauren postroutine looks like she is going to collapse, and if Lauren has to leave the show because of an injury then I am just not gonna watch the rest of this season because whoever wins (IE, Kent) will have basically an asterisk over their victory forever, because they didn’t beat Alex, Ashley OR Lauren.

Billy and Robert: Bollywood. Boy I sure am glad Billy’s knee injury healed up totally after one week so he could dance this. It is like a miracle! (No, not really. He was limping afterwards.) The dance was good; I think Bollywood routines get overpraised because the judges don’t really know how to judge them, and this is no exception, but it was fun and there have been many worse Bollywood dances on the show.

Should go home: Jose and Robert.
Will go home: Jose and Adechike.

My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

Kenny Ortega is your special guest judge, and he’s quite nice! Replacing nobody, however. Also, this week Billy is injured, which is three weeks straight with an injury. Some have suggested that the routines are getting too athletically intense in the pursuit of spectacle; at this point I am undecided, but noting that Alex tore his ACL after doing what essentially amounted to a throwaway double split jump is certainly evidence in favour.

Lauren and All-Star Twitch: hip-hop. This was very solid. To be sure, Twitch outdanced Lauren, but that’s more or less the problem with this entire format, isn’t it? At least Twitch didn’t outdance Lauren badly; she performed quite well – maybe lacking a bit of flavour in the first fifteen seconds or so, but after that she found her groove and stuck to it quite nicely.

Not Legacy and All-Star Allison: contemporary. You know what? This was genuinely quite decent. Not great, and certainly Allison outdanced Jose. But decent; Jose’s partnering was definitely the best he’s been all season, and his dancing, while still rudimentary, was fully realized and felt organic. So naturally, after weeks of him dancing weakly, the judges just shit all over him for not having technique and doing “pedestrian contemporary” when every single dancer on this show ever who is not named Alex Wong has had pieces tailored to their skill level in every given genre. Seriously, judges.

Robert and All-Star Lauren: jazz. Tasty’s jazz is so much better than his Broadway. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s never not true. This was perfectly good dancing in a sort of not-very-noteworthy way; not quite as sexy as perhaps the judges sold it, but it was good. Nobody will remember it in three weeks or so, but good.

Aw Shucks and All-Star Kathryn: jazz. I didn’t like this. Not for the quality of the dancing, which was fine; I didn’t like it because it felt like Sonya’s trashbag of every move she wasn’t able to fit into a routine, all stuffed together into a frenetic uptempo song. (And I like Janelle Monae.) Mia calls out Kent’s aw-shucks face, which should have happened weeks and weeks ago. Of course it doesn’t matter because Kent is most likely going to win now.

Adechike and All-Star Comfort: hip-hop. Adechike fucking murdered his role here. I think this was more lyrical than hip-hop, but whatever; this was just really good. Tabitha and Napoleon are really being consistently good this season after a couple of dreadful years; one suspects it’s because they actually get to work with actual hip-hop dancers.

Lauren and Robert: samba. A pretty solid performance, albeit not deserving of all the compliments it got; if either would have been paired with Pasha/Anya they would have looked less able, but the general level of talent didn’t create a disparity here. That having been said: Lauren was better than Robert, but only somewhat and not so much so that Robert wasn’t good. Perfectly acceptable dancing.

Not Legacy and Adechike: paso doble. An all-male paso is actually really apropos, and the general concept of the choreography worked for me (although I would have liked the “battle” portion of the choreo to be more extended than the pre-fight posing portion), but Jose was in his usual form, which is to say not good enough; just the opposite of fluid in his movement, so that “stiff” isn’t enough. Adechike was impressive.

Kent and Billy Substitute Twitch: stepping. Kent is the whitest person alive today. Kent is so white he makes Sarah Palin look like Oprah Winfrey. Kent is so white he shits marshmallows. Kent is so white when he’s in the Arctic polar bears can’t see him. Kent is so white that when he wears a red hat people mistake him for an ambulance. Kent is so white he sweats two percent milk. Kent is so white that he didn’t dance this very well at all. Kent is so white and he’s still probably going to win.

Bottom three should be: Billy, Jose, Kent.
Bottom three will be: Billy, Jose, Adechike.
Should go home: Jose.
Will go home: Jose.