ITEM! Marvel Comics have the rights to Marvelman! Oh my god, how amazing is that? Marvel, Marvelman, it’s like God intended this to be! Okay, so maybe Marvel doesn’t necessarily yet have the rights to the Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman stories that are the only reason anybody other than the most devoted of British comics nerds gives a shit about Marvelman, but I’m sure that twenty years of lawsuits will all go away now. And if they don’t – well, given how well the Sentry has proven that a Superman analogue character can fit into the Marvel Universe, I know I can’t wait for a Captain Marvel (Shazam, not black lady or alien guy) analogue to fit into the Marvel Universe! I totally bet Norman Osborn hires him and then WHOOPSIE Kid Marvelman rapes the entire population of Melbourne to death. And then Hawkeye will go on TV and say “see? Norman Osborn is bad.” All this and more, brought to you by the pending Marvelman creative team of Zeb Wells and Phil Jiminez!
ITEM! Longbox announced a whole new bunch of companies that make, like, one comic apiece signing on to their digital download service. Meanwhile, Marvel announced their brilliant new digital delivery content model: comics on iTunes! Well, sort of comics. They are comics with “animated panels and voice-over work from popular actors.” (I bet you didn’t know Tony Stark sounds just like Seth Green!) Given how critically brilliant that whole “Watchmen The Motion Comic” thing was, I’m sure this will be every bit as good! And come on, it’s Marvel Comics – is there a comics company with a better track record of digital delivery than Marvel?
ITEM! DC Comics has finally acquired the rights to T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents. Dan Didio explains he’s been trying to get that done for a long time. (This may or may not explain a whole lot about DC Comics.) Apparently the T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents will be brought into the DC Universe, which will be great because look how well that worked for the Milestone superheroes!
ITEM! Red She-Hulk was originally going to be Dark She-Hulk but they changed it at the last minute. This is all part of the plan for World War Hulks next year! The year after that comes Civil Wars! And then possibly Red Reigns. Says Joe Quesada: “Pluralization is the new dark. Or possibly red.” New titles from Marvel will include renaming Deadpool Redpool. He will also get a new costume, which will be even more red than previously!
ITEM! Jeff Smith does more Bone comics. (I actually have nothing sarcastic to say about this, other than possibly a potential comparison to The Silmarillion.)
ITEM! Did you know Lost and Chuck and Heroes are coming back for another season? Well, they are! I bet you didn’t know that! The producers had special panels to tell fans that the upcoming seasons would be “more awesome than ever” and that “we’ll tie together a lot of unanswered questions,” and “you’ll be blown away.” Amazingly enough, the producers of Jonah Hex, Twilight: New Moon, Iron Man 2, Avatar, Tron Legacy, and Prince of Persia all said exactly the same thing! There’s going to be a whole lot of blown away fans next year! (The producers of Glee also said all of this, but the fans just asked them where the vampire zombies were.)
ITEM! PRACTICALLY NOTHING EVER HAPPENS OR IS REVEALED AT SAN DIEGO THAT FUCKING MATTERS. THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING IS LIKE A MOVIE TRAILER THAT LASTS FOR A FUCKING WEEK!