So I am watching The Good Wife which is a TV show that is all “what if a cheating politician’s wife had to be a lawyer and defend innocent people from the electric chair?” (Except that that’s not quite right because she is not defending from the electric chair. If lawyers had to do that nobody would ever be a lawyer.) And I am thinking “that’s good, but I bet I can make it better.” Like, what if the Good Wife, instead of having to be a lawyer, had to be a fireman? People like firemen! And she could fight fires and save kittens from trees. Do firemen still save kittens from trees, or is that something that never actually happened? I can never keep track.
Or wait, what if The Good Wife, instead of having to be a fireman or lawyer, had to be a cowboy? And she would herd cattle through New York City. I bet you could do that with computers. A long time ago I read this screenwriting book where they were saying that if you weren’t a star writer you couldn’t start off a screenplay with a thousand camels charging the camera, but now thanks to computers you can do that. Heck, you could probably do ten thousand camels. Or would that be too many camels? Is there really such a thing as too many camels?
I mean, I suppose if you’re in a zoo you could have too many camels, because all the other animals would have to share space with camels, and camels spit so the other animals would be in a bad mood. So would the zookeepers, probably. But then again, “too many camels” is a better problem to have than “too many lions.” The camels just spit. The lions would eat you. Hey, what if the Good Wife was a lion? Well. Lioness. But imagine this lioness defending criminals from the electric chair! Er, the criminals would go in the electric chair, not the lioness. I don’t think a lioness would fit in an electric chair. Maybe an electric couch.
Now, an electric couch, that seems like it would be more efficient for executing people than an electric chair. You could do ten at a time.
Anyway, so we’ve got the Good Wife who is now a lioness fireman. She eats the Dalmatian at the firehouse (all firehouses have Dalmatians, it’s a rule) and becomes their new mascot. Also she is a lawyer. Isn’t this a way better show already? Like, imagine an episode where the Good Wife and her fire brigade get called out to a fire, but the building is owned by a herd of antelope! What does she do? What does she do? Clearly, she goes and puts all the antelope on an electric couch, and then serves antelope steaks to the hungry firemen before telling her cheating ex-husband (who is a camel) that she’s stronger now that they’re apart.
See? My version is better.