So I read that Sarah Palin is gonna get her own TV show and I was all “well I bet that will kind of suck” but then I thought about it some more and I was all “you know, there is no reason that this cannot be an entertaining show.” Because when you think about it, Sarah Palin is kind of crazy, and crazy can make for pretty good teevee when it is not, you know, all pitiful and such.
ANNOUNCER: And now it’s time for the Sarah Palin Shooooooow! This week, Sarah teaches us how to dress a turkey, how to reuse mothballs, and learns with us about which Korea is which. Our guests tonight are Glenn Reynolds, Dennis Miller and and Bo Derek! With us as always is Michelle Malkin And The Real American Orchestra! And your host, SAAAAAARAAAAAAAAH PAAAAAAAAAALINNNNN!
(applause, band playing instrumental version of “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Kansas)
SARAH PALIN: Well gosh howdy hey and the what now!
SARAH PALIN: We’ve got a great show for you this week, everybody. The Toddster and I have worked really hard on this week’s show and we even wrote all the cue cards ourselves, isn’t that right, Todd?
(cut to disgruntled cue card writer who is not Todd Palin holding cue cards, forcing smile)
SARAH PALIN: And give it up for Michelle Malkin and her orchestra of real American musicians playing real American music! How’s it going, Michelle?
MICHELLE MALKIN: Liberals are the poison in my morning buttermilk!
SARAH PALIN: Well you said it right there with those words, I tell you what. We’re going to bring out Glenn Reynolds in just a second, but first I want to talk to you all about a serious problem affecting America. I want to talk to you good people tonight about sales tax.
SARAH PALIN: Yeah, yeah. I know. See, the thing about sales tax is that it’s always there. You buy some lard, there’s sales tax. You buy a car, there’s sales tax. And I get it, we have to pay taxes so that the fat cats in Washington can spend it on quote unquote social justice.
SARAH PALIN: Well that’s how the system works, doesn’t it? But here’s what I’ve got to ask you: should we really have to pay sales tax on Bibles? I mean, can you tax salvation? Can you tax the Good Word? After all, remember what Jesus did to the tax collectors – he threw them out of the temple, gosh darnit!
SARAH PALIN: So I call on the legislators of America to reflect the concerns of real working everyday hard Americans and make sure that nobody pays sales tax on Bibles! You mail your Congressmen and your Senators, and we’ll get this thing done!
SARAH PALIN: And in the meantime, why doncha all look under your seats there?
(audience does so, screams of delight)
SARAH PALIN: That’s right! You get a Bible! And you get a Bible! And you get a Bible! And you get a Bible! You all get Bibles! And these aren’t just any Bibles, these are gold-plated super-Bibles! The word of God doesn’t get any more glamourous than this! Isn’t that right, Tippy the Patriotic Squirrel?
TIPPY THE PATRIOTIC SQUIRREL: American nuts are the best nuts!
SARAH PALIN: You said it, Tippy! We’re going to take a commercial break, but we’ll be back after the break when Glenn Reynolds teaches us all to do an exotic hula dance!