I recently got a couple of the new collected editions of the Tintin books that Little, Brown are putting out – nice thick hardcovers, three Tintin books collected per volume. They’re a bit smaller than normal Tintin books, but Herge’s art is still gorgeous and easy to appreciate even at the slightly reduced size.
But, because I am anal in some ways, I got the first two Tintin volumes – the early books, before Herge really hit his stride during the first appearances of Captain Haddock and Professor Calculus. And I am bearing in mind that these were written for children (although Tintin, much like Asterix, was originally serialized in newspapers and enjoyed by adults as well as children right from the get-go).
And even keeping all that in mind, Tintin In America, the “first” adventure of Tintin (since the Congo adventure never happened, you understand, and if you think it did, you’re wrong), is totally fucking bugshit crazy.
Don’t believe me? Well. Here is the second panel of the book.
Understand the following things:
1.) Tintin coming to America is apparently front-page news in Chicago, where honestly I would have thought they would have more interesting things to write about. “BELGIAN BOY COMES TO CHICAGO” is right up there with “IDENTICAL TWINS JOIN CHRONICLE STAFF” for underwhelming headlines. (Points for recognizing the reference.)
2.) Al Capone (who is sitting in the chair) is so angry about this that he wants to make sure that this intrepid boy reporter gets whacked. You know he is serious because he tells his crime friends (Four Eyes, Dapper Dan, Big Irish Albert, “Icepick” Salvatore and The Negro) and gives them orders.
So what cunning plan do they come up with?
They trick out a taxi and trap Tintin in it.
What would have happened if Tintin had gotten into a different taxi? Would they just have sat around, getting all depressed? “Gosh, we done spent five thousand bucks to turn this taxi into a rollin’ death trap and our sucker didn’t even get inta it. How will I ever make my dead father proud of me now, huh?”
But luckily, there’s no way out of those steel-plated windows that even the dog can’t chew his way through! Even that tire going flat means no escape!
Unless, of course, you are Tintin, never without your trusty silenced hacksaw, which allows you to saw through the roof without the driver hearing it.
So Tintin finds some cops and they catch the bad guy tax driver, who decides to talk, but…
A boomerang.
A boomerang.
A 1930s Chicago gangster using a boomerang to take down his enemies.
That is quite possibly the most random thing ever. I mean, this isn’t Tintin In Australia. He’s in Illinois. Illinois is not exactly famed for its Aborigine warriors. So one of Tintin’s enemies is now a boomerang-slinging criminal. I know what you’re thinking – “wow, this guy has to be a major antagonist for our hero Tintin.” But after his escape, we never see him ever again. My guess is Herge sat back, after plotting the whole thing out, and decided “hm. Bit dry. This needs a boomerang.” And he just kind of shoved a boomerang in there where he could make it fit.
Anyway. There’s a car chase, and a wreck, and Tintin spends a few days in hospital. Then:
Al Capone was such a powerful mob boss he installed a series of trap doors all over the Chicago streets just for this very purpose. No wonder he was so feared. I understand Robert de Niro used elements of this story when developing his performance of Capone in The Untouchables.
Understand that at no point during this story so far has Tintin said dick about his plans to take down Al Capone, or indeed anything other than “we’re here in America!” and “Ow! After him!” If I were Tintin, I would have replied “wait, you mean this isn’t Cincinnati? I was scheduled to take down the King of Cincinnati. Oh, gosh, this is embarrassing…”
Anyhow. Tintin of course gets free…
To be fair, this is probably what a real Chicago cop would do in the same situation. On the other hand, real Chicago cops probably wouldn’t get into the chase sequence that followed, complete with Keystone Kops-level running-into-one-another-ness.
But Al Capone, having learned his lesson, this time decides to send Tintin a polite note first before killing him.
“I am an intrepid boy reporter with a trusty dog sidekick and he is merely a crime boss commanding the loyalty of thousands of amoral killers, with his fingers corrupting every major civic institution this city has to offer! What can possibly go wrong?” Oh, Tintin.
Two attempted murders of Tintin later, the “police” show up to tell Tintin how awesome he is, and could he come give them some help?
What is wrong with this picture?
1.) Tintin is retarded enough to even consider the possibility that the police station is a room in an apartment building with a “Police” sign tacked hastily on to it.
2.) The gangsters are stupid enough to have a headquarters with a sign on it. “Hey, federal agents! Do not go here! You will find nothing! Sincerely, The Bad Guys.”
3.) ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Bonus section!
What does Tintin’s letter really say?
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17 users responded in this post
Well, at least I learned Snowy talked.
Heh… I enjoyed this a lot. Having grown up in Montreal, Tintin’s adventures were the first comic books I ever read. We even had a school-wide Tintin trivia contest.
I used to really enjoy them, but what has bothered me ever since is pretty much the same thing you’re hinting at here. How… randomly lucky Tintin is. “Woops, I tripped on the tip of the buried pyramid and landed inside the hidden catacombs… Would you look at that”.
This was the first Tintin comic I read, so much memories…
Like when he founds oil on the Indian reserve. (THIS is luck)
What I find most magical about the note is how Al Capone wrote it so that the left margin would so neatly fit Tintin’s thumb.
Wow, this brings back memories!…mostly of me reading the boomerang sequence and thinking “Spill the beans? What beans? Was he carrying a tin of special baked beans around with him?”
Oh, Tintin…
I loved Tintin as a kid. I really did. Then I looked at some really nice Tintin books in Chapters a few months ago and realised… damn this shit is racist! Not just the Congo one, which, of course, was nowhere to be seen. But the Aztec one? Oh. My. GOD. Still! Still, even today, it sits innocently in Chapters. Being all racist and problematic. And little white me still gets nostalgic over Tintin, even after my eye opener.
Oh, Tintin…
To be honest, when I first saw the boomerang being thrown, I thought for a moment that the gangster was throwing a giant sausage.
Snowy talking weirds me the fuck out for some reason. Does Tintin actually notice that the dog can talk?
““BELGIAN BOY COMES TO CHICAGO” is right up there with “IDENTICAL TWINS JOIN CHRONICLE STAFF” for underwhelming headlines.”
I’d read the one that has Dear Abby.
Now where are my points?
“Look, Daddy! It’s a bear!”
“No, honey, that’s a frog. Bears wear hats.”
I’m saving up my MGK points to get the clock radio.
MGK, you might be interested to know: The very first panel you have up there was actually redrawn for the US edition at the request of Herge’s American publisher, because the original rendering featured even bigger lips on the black gangster.
The US publisher also interceded in various other books, getting him to redraw more black characters who were similarly grossly caricatured. Naturally, instead of learning to draw African features realistically, he usually changed their race entirely.
(Also, in line with American phobias of drinking, the American editors scrapped any panel showing Haddock drinking directly from the bottle.)
ps238principal: All of the text in the English Tintin albums is translated from French, and has to be rearranged to fit English word constraints. Thus the English lettering often looks less professional than the French original.
[…] Four: The logic of Tintin in America: analyzed. […]
Is it just me, or does the “Police” man escorting Tintin to the G.S.C. office bear somewhat of a resemblance to Dick Tracy?
Couple of things:
What makes you think Tintin’s arrival in Chicago was published in the news? That looks like a letter and not a newspaper Capone is holding. Unless of course there’s a panel of a newspaper that you didn’t include in your blog post.
He obviously sawed his way through the door, not the roof. See the checked pattern on the door Tintin is holding. Not that that changes your overall point, just thought I’d mention it.
KM
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Hang on a second…
“…since the Congo adventure never happened…”
so Al Capone could see into the future? Is that why he resembles, in status and influence, Biff in Back to the Future 2?
“Yeah, I’m back from the future, see, and I found a Wikipedia article that says that Tintin, at some point in the canon, shuts down my Congo operation, see? Also, do you like baseball?”
Explains a lot