I’ve decided that this is now a regular feature here at mgk.com (well, until I get bored with it, but who knows how long that will take). Every week, we will return to the pages of Who’s Who, the classic 1980s DC comic book encyclopedia of their characters. Every week, they shall be judged on the only scale scientific enough that matters: the Rex The Wonder Dog scale.
Now, it is obvious that no character can approach Rex The Wonder Dog for sheer quality, so we need not worry about dispensing a 100% Rex rating, which is for Rex and Rex alone. But I believe we can create a sort of a field, if you will:
100 Percent Rex: Rex The Wonder Dog
99 Percent Rex: Batman, Superman
90 Percent Rex: Brainiac Five, The Shade
75 Percent Rex: Blue Devil (pre-“I’m cursed to be a demon” Blue Devil, obviously), Guy Gardner
60 Percent Rex: The All-New Atom, Hawkman (all of them)
45 Percent Rex: Booster Gold when he was in that mecha-armor suit
30 Percent Rex: Kid Quantum I, Hal Jordan (shut up, I have determined this through science)
10 Percent Rex: that sorta-vampire dude from Team Titans
.21 Percent Rex: Superboy-Prime post-insanity
So, now that you have an idea of the playing field, let us judge our first entrant.
1.) He legally changed his name to “Roy Raymond, Television Detective.” He had to sue Metropolis City Hall for the legal right to insert the comma in his name, and Raymond v. Metropolis was a groundbreaking case in the DC universe common-law tradition.
2.) Who’s Who claims that he “could be a great detective but prefers investigating different types of enigmas.” These include such mysteries as the Missing Fritos Of 10:30 and The Secret To Getting Into Julie From Accounting’s Pants.
3.) He gets more pussy than you do, and you’re just going to have to deal with that.
4.) Will Ferrell based his Ron Burgundy character off of Roy Raymond, Television Detective, only removing the “detective” part in final script rewrites to avoid legal trouble.
5.) Roy Raymond, Television Detective is so laid back, he breaks the fourth wall so he can lean against the side of his own panel.
And the final verdict is…
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What does current RIP HUNTER, TIME MASTER get?
The one in Booster Gold, not when he had his own series.
Oh, and Sgt. Rock, of course.
The cat is so laid back he smokes a pipe while Supes is flying him over Metropolis…
I demand a pipe-off between him and Dr. Magnus!
Hal Jordan a mere 30%? Surely he deserves more after the mistreatment at the hands of Frank Miller, even if it’s just sympathy percentage.
science says SBP has a percentage above zero?
I think zero is reserved for the truly lame. Like if Gambit ever moved to DC, or something. Or if DC hired Chuck Austen and Greg Land to create a new female superhero together.
No. Zero would be for if people who make webcomics like the Wotch or Dominic Deegan got hired by DC.
Did you take into account how messed up he got in an arc in [i]Swamp Thing[/i]? I read that volume from the library…a facelift undone is a grisly sight to see.
Okay, but lets not overlook the fact that, by amassing a large collection of artifacts, he turned a large house into a museum. A veritable museum in fact and those are harder to make. That’s got to be worth a few points. Hell, Roy’s so badass he doesn’t even list that as a power. Now that’s a hero for you.