It’s no surprise that Dracula, upon his return to the Marvel Universe, would immediately begin preparations to create a “home turf” with as many loyal vampire minions as humanly possible. This is because of one thing Dracula will never, ever admit:
Dracula is fucking stone-cold terrified of Stephen Strange.
Blade? Blade is a pussy. Blade’s never really killed Dracula, except one time when Dracula was still under the influence of the Montesi Formula and somebody brought him back to distract Blade for a few minutes. That hardly counts. In a one-on-one straight up fight, Blade has never beaten Dracula and likely never will, because Dracula is really quite deadly, and if Blade hasn’t managed to at least come up close to Dracula’s level in the decades they’ve been fighting each other it’s not going to happen any time soon. (Also. Dracula: Christopher Lee, Jack Palance, Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman. Blade: Wesley Snipes. Advantage: Dracula.)
But Doctor Strange… oh, dear. Strange and Dracula have battled exactly twice. The first time, Dracula used every trick he had and even vampirized Strange, and what happened? Strange reversed it and called upon the holy power of God himself to destroy Dracula. The second time they fought, that apparently wasn’t enough any more, and Strange destroyed all vampires everywhere, even though by that point Dracula had increased his mystical powers to unheard-of levels (specifically, although he would never admit this, because he wanted to be absolutely sure he could survive fighting Strange again).
Dracula’s fear of Strange is entirely natural and reasonable: Strange is the guy Dracula knows he can’t beat. Even when Dracula pulls out all the stops and goes to eleven on Strange, the good Doctor just brushes some lint off his shoulders and stares the Lord of All Vampires down and doesn’t so much as flinch. (Yes, of course as omniscient readers we know that Dracula was indeed one of Strange’s toughest challenges, but Dracula is not an omniscient reader, lucky for everybody else in the MU.)
Even now, as Dracula attacks all of England with vampire-rocket-warriors and plots alliance with Latveria, there is that tiny voice inside his head that he wishes he didn’t hear, pretends he doesn’t hear, but can’t help but acknowledge. It’s the tiny voice that says “the moment Stephen Strange decides you’re too much of a bother, he is going to end you.” Dracula has nightmares about Strange, who has powers vast and uncountable that Dracula can’t begin to imagine, alliances with otherworldly beings Dracula can’t even name. How do you beat somebody like that?
Dracula doesn’t really know how to beat Strange – but he doesn’t need to know how to beat Strange to hurt him, or hurt his friends and loved ones, or distract Strange’s attention at a crucial moment. All it takes is Dracula getting scared enough that Strange’s retribution is at hand, and suddenly he’ll do what any good tactician does: he’ll go on the offensive with an all-out vampire blitz attack on the Sanctum Sanctorum (or wherever he can attack that will hurt Strange the most). And Dracula might not be able to beat Strange one-on-one (or even twenty-on-one), but in a war of attrition, he can hurt him very badly. And at the worst possible time, that might be all he needs to do.
Top comment: Dracula is unique amongst Marvel villains for his universality. No other Marvel villain can be so readily plugged into any book for instant awesome. There is not a single title in Marvel’s line that would benefit from an appearance by Dracula, and I’m including Kick-Ass, all those Soleil reprints and the Stephen King line.
Captain America? Sure, I’d pay to see Captain America fight Dracula. Hulk? Fantastic Four? Runaways? New Avengers? Damn straight, bring it on. Black Panther? Nova? Absolutely. The Punisher? You mean it hasn’t been done already?!?
I’ll be very disappointed if he doesn’t show up in the next Power Pack miniseries. — Patrick C.
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45 users responded in this post
Didn’t the Silver Surfer really thouroughly kick Dracula’s ass? Or am I thinking Mephisto?
On this day of your tax law exam, I have to tell you: I love this new feature. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed “Why I Should Write the Legion,” but I never read the Legion growing up. Dr. Steven Motherfucking Strange, however, him I know quite well. And as any one who grew up in the 80’s can tell you, knowing is half the battle.
Keep ’em coming!
hahaha. I can totally see Dracula storming the Sanctum Sanctorum all the while thinking, “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit, I am so fucked for doing this!”
Funny to have villains more afraid of you than you should be of them.
On the other hand, there might be a little voice in the back of Dracula’s bloodsucking mind saying, “Yeah, he’s scary, but…well, I’m still here.”
Doctor Strange really should go ahead and use the Montesi Formula again. Sure, it doesn’t seem to stick very well, but if you treat it as necessary housecleaning every few years, it sure would save a lot of trouble.
LurkerWithout: I think your thinking of Mephisto. I’ve never known Dracula to encounter the Surfer. I mean if Drac is outclassed by Strange, then he’s a bug to the Surfer.
He fought the Surfer once.
And it was slightly embarrassing for all concerned. Unlike this, which is a match that makes perfect narrative sense.
Dracula fought the Surfer? Dude, that’s balls. Brass balls. Brass, undead balls.
Speaking of MEphisto, I’d love to here your ideas on revamping him, MGK, as I think a series like this would be the perfect place to do it.
On topic, if Stephen could cure vampirism, why doesn’t he just do that and eliminate the problem all together (assuming it is that easy)?
He tried but it didn’t take. And clearly he’s much too busy fending off the half dozen villains who will come after him when he’s at his weakest to start being more proactive in the destruction of the ancient magic used to create vampires.
Although if he calls in the Defenders… Dracula vs Silver Surfer, the rematch of a thousand lifetimes! Only in America!
I really fucking hate Dracula. I’ve never found him remotely interesting in any movie, tv show, rpg or other piece of literature that I’ve come across.
In my opinion Marvel should never have brought back Dracula. Its an overall waste of a character. He’s all bluster and ego. I mean Dr Doom is bluster and ego too, but he has something to back it up. Dracula has a bunch of c-list mutant powers.
What can Dracula do (according to the Marvel FASERIP RPG):
Turn into a cloud of mist – Not smoke or poison, just mist. Imagine a person breathing in Dracula and then hacking him up covered in mucus. Or Dracula being caught in a dehumidifier.
Turn into one of two bats (Short or Venti) or a wolf (not even one of those Dominant Species wolf creatures, just a wolf) – of all the things a guy could turn into, these are not exactly the most fearsome by MU standards.
He can summon thunderstorms but doing so drains him of all his other abilities for nearly half a day. That better be one hell of a storm for that much of a weakness to be associated with it.
He can communicate telepathically with anyone he’s ever drank blood from. “Hey Dimitri, its Drac. I’m over in the states getting my ass handed to me because everyone only just realized how pathetic my powers are. Any chance you could help out? Oh? You’re in Prague? Well any chance you might be able to.. uh huh.. uh huh.. well thanks for taking my call. Gotta go run for my life now. Bye.”
Hypnosis in just 3 seconds. Dracula’s really only decent abilities stem from his ability to command others to do his bidding. Without more knowledge of the effects of hypnosis in the MU, this could be anything from stunning a person momentarily to flat out mind control.
Mind control of other vampires. This might seem like a great power, but considering these are people who actually live in the Marvel Universe where the world is overrun with mutants, aliens and time-traveling tyrants, and if they aren’t prepared for potential vampire attacks (assuming people are smart enough to actually broadcast this kind of important news to the world, even via the internet), you really have to question the intellectual and physical capacity of your average vampire in the Dracula Armed Forces. Especially if these guys are not the result of selective application but just whomever is the easiest to catch and drain of blood.
His only really interesting power is the ability to summon and control wolves, rats and bats (up to 50 in the RPG), but being a world traveler means that at any given time there just might not be that many rats, bats or wolves around to bail his ass out.
Not to mention Dracula has a shitload of very well-known and not hard to come by weaknesses and limitations.
However, despite Dracula really only getting by on name recognition and vague psychic abilities, I’m intrigued by MGK’s development of the character. Giving Dracula a reason to piss his pants somehow makes him appear more reasonable somehow.
Dracula is unique amongst Marvel villains for his universality. No other Marvel villain can be so readily plugged into any book for instant awesome. There is not a single title in Marvel’s line that would benefit from an appearance by Dracula, and I’m including Kick-Ass, all those Soleil reprints and the Stephen King line.
Captain America? Sure, I’d pay to see Captain America fight Dracula. Hulk? Fantastic Four? Runaways? New Avengers? Damn straight, bring it on. Black Panther? Nova? Absolutely. The Punisher? You mean it hasn’t been done already?!?
I’ll be very disappointed if he doesn’t show up in the next Power Pack miniseries.
The real challenge with Dracula is this: You can’t beat him. Oh, you can thwart his plans, but stopping him for good? Dracula makes the memetic perception of Jean Grey look like Uncle Ben (who has actually come back, but it was a clone, and I’m digressing geekishly).
Try to kill him, he just turns to mist then reforms behind you. If you do manage to kill him, he’ll come back later and take his revenge. Try to wait him out? Dude, he’s not getting any older. Imprison him? Iron rusts, stone crumbles, and he’ll just come out angrier.
There are precisely two ways to actually beat Dracula — die of old age before he can get to you, or make him scared of you. And until I read this post, I thought there was only one way.
(On the Marvel RPG front — I seem to remember that system’s official stats managed to fuel my sense of fanboy entitlement by failing to reflect the characters’ depiction in the comics, mostly to the tune of drastic underpowering. Dracula would seem to be a case in point)
I like the idea of a villain that’s an underdog, and one that knows he has no hope of beating the hero they’re up again. It’s really rather refreshing, even if a bit.. unsuspenseful.
I know everyone says the same thing, but I would totally start reading this if it were real. I’m not really a huge comic book person (I WAS born at the outset of the video game era, after all), but I think I would really enjoy the thought you put in to the plots.
That is a VERY cool take on Dracula.
Y’know, between the wording on this and some of the other entries, I’m wondering if the “worst possible time” for the attacks by Dracula coincides with the “worst possible time” for the Dormammu reappearance.
And then the Path in Winter shows up and he’s forced to take it while leaving his canon-fodd, er, apprentices to fend for themselves.
I’ll warn you though, even though I would totally buy this hypothetical comic book (okay, I’d get the trades anyway), I’m GONE the second you kill Creaky.
So is Marvel’s Dracula is kind of like the Castlevania Dracula, in that he can be killed over and over but always just sort of shows up again? Or is it just Marvel’s notorious unwillingness to permanently kill off a character?
Blarg said:
I have to tell you: I love this new feature. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed “Why I Should Write the Legion,” but I never read the Legion growing up. Dr. Steven Motherfucking Strange, however, him I know quite well.
Seconded.
Beacon: “I’m GONE the second you kill Creaky”
lol
I love this. Your already getting angry over MGK hypothitecally killing off his hypothetical character in his hypothetical run on Doctor Strange, but I’m giggling with glee over it. It’s just odd to me.
What I think would be great is you take your previous reason and apply it to this. Dracula gets alternate reality versions of himself to help him fight Strange. That way your artist has to draw him like Lee, Palance, Lugosi, Oldman and any other version they can think of. Motherfucking Draculas.
Draculae?
Frank Langella was Dracula too.
and he did a pretty good job…
“Frank Langella was Dracula too.
and he did a pretty good job…”
Dr. Strange vs…VAMPIRE NIXON. Hell, I’d buy it.
And Dracula could team up with those alternate-universe guys. Give Dracula a world where no one’s even heard of vampires and let him loose. he gives ’em vamp-troops, they give him some fun stuff to use on Strange. of course, neither trusts the other one bit…..
Sofa King, I believe you have stumbled onto the next great Halloween costume: Catholic-punk Dracula.
That would be pretty cool. Hell, why not Catholic school-girl vampires? Sure, easy way to get sickos for your undead army. You just assume they’re selling cookies door-to-door….
Hell why not have an alternate universe Dracula help Strange or better yet an alternate uinverse Strange help Draclua. yes I know those are tired ideas and usually suck but in your hands they would totally kick ass.
I wonder how Dracula reacts when others bring up Strange. Does he try to laugh it off as “I’m not going to bother with him” so no one knows he’s afraid? Or does he go Doom style and vaporize anyone who mentions Strange as even a potential issue?
This whole series is full of win so far, and I think it shows an admirable amount of growth as a writer on MGK’s part.
Awesome is now measured by how many Draculas you can beat the crap out of.
“How do you beat somebody like that?”
Team up with Dormammu!
I used to like Dracula in the abstract. And then I actually read Bram Stoker’s original and realized, wait, the actual Dracula kind of sucked balls. Marvel’s Dracula, on the other hand, is that much more cool because his literary precedent is very much a goober.
Incidentally, and I know this is just more Universal Monsters shit, but is there any room for Frankenstein’s Monster in your vision of Strange? Most people don’t even realize that Frankenstein’s Monster actually exists in the Marvel Universe, which makes him just about the most underutilized awesome idea at the entire company.
Re: Punisher vs. Dracula; I think it was done in either that crossover where everyone was vampires, or in one of the Earth-X coda. Punisher is guided by ghost-Strange in using the Montesi Formula in a world almost completely vampirized.
Which leaves Punisher last man standing in at least two worlds that I know of.
You keep hinting at a “worst possible time” for Strange to get hit throughout these posts…makes me wonder what happens that knocks Strange off his game so Dracula, Dormammu, et al. decide to pounce.
Could Dracula control the Minnesota Timberwolves, please, just enough to not mess up the NBA draft AGAIN?!
“Bloodsucking is not illegal if the President does it!”
‘ Dr. Strange vs…VAMPIRE NIXON.
“Bloodsucking is not illegal if the President does it!”
‘
hmm, should update it somehow – maybe Vampire Republican TeaBaggers!
Undead Dick Armey!
The Punisher being guided by Strange’s ghost to recite the Montesi Formula happened in a What If? where Dracula vamped the X-Men, Wolverine was strong-willed enough to resist his control and ate him, becoming super-duper-evil Lord Of Vampires, vamping about half the Marvel Universe and killing rest including Strange. Logan killed Frank after he beheaded vampire Kitty and Strange was able to appeal to his human side and get him to use the Formula, killing himself and all vampires in the process.
I feel strangely proud of recalling all that.
I was wondering why Dracula never turned mutants into vampires and that What If? pretty much summed it up.
Lister Sage said
“I love this. Your already getting angry over MGK hypothitecally killing off his hypothetical character in his hypothetical run on Doctor Strange, but I’m giggling with glee over it. It’s just odd to me.”
Hey, if MGK wants to write comics then he’s going to have to deal with people that have decided they own his creations.
Creaky sounds like he’d become a fan favorite. He also sounds like the lovable goofy guy. Writers love to kill the lovable goofy guy to show you how serious the situation is. I just decided to give him a very mild sample of what he’s in for if he takes the obvious route.
I’ve also decided that I need to try to remember to accompany all future sarcasm with those little winking smilely faces.
(I’d also like to apologize to any future Creaky fans for giving Bird the idea to kill him. My bad.)
😉
that could be a epic miniseries
“Dracula: Christopher Lee, Jack Palance, Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman.
Blade: Wesley Snipes and STICKY FINGAZ or the Rap group ONYX. Advantage: Dracula.”
Fixed.
if you write Dracula closer to the alucard (yeah they’re the same,genius anagram) in the hellsing manga you might actually get something that is not only clever threat to strange but also a ferocious but eloquent bastard & this is what made dracula in the manga tick, he’s a mixture of servitude & dominance.thus maybe when beating him strange can submit the count
[…] and acknowledges the world he’s writing in even though he has no obligation to do so. When he writes about Dracula he mentions Blade, and when writing about the death of Cytorrak [picture shown above] he makes sure […]
Don’t you think Stan Lee intended to eventually focus Doc battling vampires? I’ll bet my bottom dollar this was his whole intent for Mordo and once the Code relaxed he’d have had the Baron become Lord of the Undead. Recall he was introduced as living in Transylvania of all places.