STUPID WOMAN AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE THING: “Hey, my billion-year-old mother got a pacemaker five years ago and she’s still alive because of it even though the doctors said she was too old to get a pacemaker and didn’t want to do the surgery because she might not survive. What do you say to that, […]

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Your guest judge this week is Toni Basil, apparently because the producers felt the need to re-inflict upon us the worst guest judge ever. Karla and Jonathan: hip-hop. I’m generally a big fan of Dave Scott’s choreography and I think I would have liked this routine if it wasn’t danced for crap: Jonathan was absolutely […]

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Everybody has a couple dozen “times I nearly died.” Most of them are uninteresting. For example, this one time I was walking home, didn’t realize a light had just turned red, and nearly got hit by a bus. It missed me by about six inches. But so what? Everybody has a couple dozen stories like […]

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FLAPJACKS: I have settled upon a new career! ME: What, did you get fired from the bookstore? FLAPJACKS: Oh, whatever. The bookstore was so 2007. ME: So yes. FLAPJACKS: I will have you know there was a definite fistfight over my prospective career options. ME: A fistfight. FLAPJACKS: Well, metaphorically there was a fistfight. ME: […]

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A while back, one of my commenters asked me why I had such a low opinion of Michael Ignatieff, the Liberal party “leader” here in Canada. The events of the last few weeks have demonstrated why my opinion of Ignatieff as “useless limpdick” is precisely correct. Some background for non-Canadians. Things here right now are […]

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My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

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(previously: one, two) Top comment: At first, they asked Jughead why he didn’t join the search party. He just stared at them, turned, and finished the second bottle, before driving to the Cooper place, crossing himself, and popping open the trunk full of gas cans, a crossbow and a taser. — Chris Lowrance

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LIKED – Bloody Confused! by Chuck Culpepper is a great little piece of sportswriting – a journey alongside Culpepper during his time in England as he lives there for a few years and, being a sports fan generally, settles in and picks a football team to cheer for (in his case, Portsmouth), and in the […]

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Hoekstra is a Meme.

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It’s just my allergies acting up, that’s all.

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Kentucky pastor encourages his flock to bring guns to church. UPDATE: Link fixed.

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Click for larger image. You must see Mr. Banjo in all his glory. Simpler times. The Monster Society of Evil was a society – of evil! – dedicated to one thing, and one thing only. Killing Captain Marvel. Because they hates them some Captain Marvel. The original Monster Society was probably, by our standards, the […]

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Lights! Flashing! Mary Murphy screams again! Cat Deeley wears a spectacularly ugly dress! Li’l C is the guest judge and his metaphors are off the hook, y’all! Randi and Evan: jive. First off, I think we all owe Alex da Silva a big thank you for getting indicted for statutory rape so that Louis van […]

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German girl falls asleep at tattoo parlor, having requested three small stars on the side of her temple. Tattoo artist decides to go buck wild on her. UPDATE: People, of course I don’t buy her story. Tattoo needles are not exactly soothing. You don’t fall asleep while somebody is tattooing your face. Top comment: This […]

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