Some stupid human has gone and injured themselves on a mountain! Whatever will they do? Perhaps they need the aid of a St. Bernard!
No, of course they don’t need no crap-ass St. Bernard. St. Bernards are for suckers. If you’re smart, you get the help of Rex the motherfucking Wonder Dog.
BONUS: Rex demonstrates his mad aerial skills.
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The real reason that Rex has never competed in the Olympic games – no one else would win a single medal.
In anything.
If there were a competition called ‘Not Being A Motherfucking Wonder Dog’, MAYBE. But only maybe.
So the rock is on her butt?
Fortunately Rex can also perform reconstructive surgery once she’s freed.
I want to see a comic starring Rex the Wonder Dog, Bruce Schneier and Granny Weatherwax. They could sit around talking about how motherfucking awesome they are for 10 pages, then go beat up Chuck Norris for the rest of the 22. There wouldn’t be any ads because the awesomeness would be so intense that anyone who finished reading it would go blind.
I support anything that results in the dethroning of Chuck Norris
Rex the MotherFucking Wonder Dog needs no ski poles.
Chuck Norris is Rex’s cover story.
Rex takes Chuck Norris out for walks, but Chuck Norris still has to pick up the poop.
Shaun White has a picture of Rex the Wonder Dog over his bed. That’s his inspiration.
Fuck that noise. Where’s the little barrel of whiskey around his neck? If I were that girl, I’d wait for the St. Bernard with the liquor. It’s COLD on a mountain.
But does he make it in time?!
I’m trusting you’ve seen this by now
http://www.the-isb.com/?p=4154
Yes, but why was Rex pretending to be unable to lift the rock off her in the first place?
Or was it… did Rex create that rock? Is that why he couldn’t move it? Can Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog create a rock so big that not even he can lift it?
Rex, in his infinitely ass-kicking wisdom, pretended to be unable to lift the rock off her in the first place so that she would learn a valuable lesson or three. One lesson, naturally, would be, “You will not ignore Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog when he tells you not to ski like that.”
Once Rex reached the hotel, he located a group of tourists and began diagraming a set of glyphics that explained there was a young woman trapped under a boulder. When the tourists failed to understand any of the symbols, Rex growled to himself and hurried to the valet station. Shuffling through the car keys, Rex gripped a keychain for what he knew was an all-terrain vehicle. The truck was easy to find: dealing with the oversized rabid vampire bat attacking the parking lot took some time. Once the bat was destroyed, Rex leapt into the driver’s seat, revving up the engine, working the manual stick and racing against the ticking clock…
Now, the 360 mid-air spin was just hotdogging. But it didn’t slow him down any, so no harm done.
I think it’s time to bite the bullet and reveal your upcoming blog series, “Why I Should Write Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog.”
Dayv: One does not write Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog”; one only heralds his arrival.
The Silver Surfer, looking for new work after he got canned by Galactus, was briefly considered by Ralph as a herald. The general feeling was that he was insufficiently epic.
His rescue skills lead me to believe that Rex is a rare subspecies of the St. Bernard; namely, the St. Bermotherfuckingnard
Galactus heralds the arrival of Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog. Or he would, if he were only awesome enough.
@ Ryan Beariot:
http://axecop.com/index.php/acask/read/ask_axe_cop_12/
Galactus eats planets to hide from the anguish he feels at not being *nearly* awesome enough to be the herald for Rex the Motherfucking Wonder Dog.
I like that there isn’t any of that nonsense I-bark-you-interpret stuff like Lassie has to deal with. Rex communicates with his human assistants by the most dignified possible method:
The cold, disappointed stare.
*Stare*
“What…what do you want me to do? P-put my skis on your feet? But why? Why would a dog need skis?”
*Stare*
“Okay, okay, I’m doing it.”
*Stare*
“I’m so sorry.”
What a motherfucking dog.