Oct

Archie Andrews And The Improver of Secrets

Posted by MGK Published in Archie (Improved Or Otherwise), Comics, Interactive Fun Time Party

FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT GOING TO CLOSE THE SCHOOL EVEN IF STEVE JOBS *DID* DIE!

The Improved Archie’s Fear (May 13th, 2014)
Improved Archie: The Ragin’ Climax (April 8th, 2014)
Archie Comics: The Improved Story (March 11th, 2014)
Who’s Afraid of Improved Archie? (January 30th, 2014)
Fifty Improvements of Archie (December 3rd, 2013)

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Jim Smith said on October 19th, 2011 at 9:59 am

OH GOD THEY’RE BITING ME! HELP ME! HEL–EEEARRRGGHGHGHGH!!!!

dreadful_rauw said on October 19th, 2011 at 10:23 am

If any doctors walk by here, they’re gonna explode!

William Kendall said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:23 am

“Goddamned frosh week initiation pranks get more annoying every year! Fucking students! Kill them all!”

Lindsey said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:25 am

I’m still canceling Firefly, you hear me Andrews!?

Jack Balfour said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:25 am

“Danny Thomas put apples in my car!”

PaulW said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:28 am

“Commerce is so far from being beneficial to Arts or to Empire, that it is destructive of both, as all their History shows, for the above Reason of Individual Merit being its Great Hatred. Empires flourish till they become Commercial & then they are scattered abroad to the four winds.” – William Blake

tinheart said on October 19th, 2011 at 11:33 am

“All right! You win, God! My Applejack cosplay has gotten out of hand! I admit it! Either help me…or…or for heaven’s sake given me my cutie mark!”

Odd King said on October 19th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

The Applocalypse is upon us! Save yourselves! Flee!

Joe X said on October 19th, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Forgive me, Lord Jobs, I repent! I REPENT!!

Improved said on October 19th, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Why does this keep happening?!?

Chiaroscuro said on October 19th, 2011 at 2:22 pm

“APPLEBLOOM! PINKIE PIE! I KNOW THIS WAS YOU!”

Chris Lowrance said on October 19th, 2011 at 2:32 pm

“No! By swarming over me and vibrating, they’re raising my internal temperature, much like the honeybees’ natural defense against Japanese hornets! My brain… boiling… GRAHH-” (head explodes)

Eric said on October 19th, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Damn you Friendly Neighborhood Pile of Apples!!

buzz said on October 19th, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Liars! There aren’t that many teachers in this school!

Meowzebub said on October 19th, 2011 at 5:01 pm

“The goggles do nothing! NOTHING!”

Jonathan said on October 19th, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Oh, yes! God, yes! More! You know what I like.

Jason said on October 19th, 2011 at 6:47 pm

“FUCKING NEWTON!!!!!”

Mitchell Hundred said on October 19th, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I know I wanted to keep the doctor away, but this is ridiculous!

Foxhack said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:01 pm

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I DON’T LIKE DEM APPLES!

GoatToucher said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:28 pm

C-can’t… stop… shitting… APPLES!

GoatToucher said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I thought one of Milton’s Apple Enzyme injections a day would keep me healthy, but now look what’s happening to me! I’m changing… turning into the very thing I thought would save me!

WHAT HATH SCIENCE WROUGHT!

Mike Smith said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

“SCHUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLTZZ!!”

MarvinAndroid said on October 19th, 2011 at 8:38 pm

“What is the nature of the guilt that your teachers call his Original Sin? What are the evils man acquired when he fell from a state they consider perfection? Their myth declares that he ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge-he acquired a mind and became a rational being. It was the knowledge of good and evil-he became a mortal being. He was sentenced to earn his bread by his labor-he became a productive being. He was sentenced to experience desire-he acquired the capacity of sexual enjoyment. The evils for which they damn him are reason, morality, creativeness; joy-all the cardinal values of his existence. It is not his vices that their myth of man’s fall is designed to explain and condemn, it is not his errors that they hold as his guilt, but the essence of his nature as man. Whatever he was-that robot in the Garden of Eden, who existed without mind, without values, without labor, without love-he was not man.”

MonkeyWithTypewriter said on October 20th, 2011 at 1:19 am

“The seeds of crime bear bitter fruit!”

HrolfK said on October 20th, 2011 at 6:35 am

Quickly, my apple friends, into the car. You press the pedals and I’ll steer.

HrolfK said on October 20th, 2011 at 6:37 am

The apples have reached critical mass! I’m changing, changing into… The Grocer! (and his sidekicks, Apple-in-a-Hat and The Shoes).

Dan said on October 20th, 2011 at 7:24 am

Well that’s one miracle. Steve Jobs is only 2 miracles away from being the saint that everyone thinks he is.

Graehaus said on October 20th, 2011 at 1:02 pm

“Fuck you, Steve Jobs!”

HrolfK said on October 20th, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Argh, argh! Mac Autobot innards!

{I’ll stop now}

Joe England said on October 20th, 2011 at 6:31 pm

“BEAR TRAP ON MY NUTS! IT’S JUST A BLIND FOR THE BEAR TRAP ON MY NUTS! SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!”

Ffnordd said on October 21st, 2011 at 1:32 am

I thought I’d seen the last of… Appleanche!

Dro said on October 21st, 2011 at 1:43 am

MOOOOON RIVERRRRRRRR!

HrolfK said on October 21st, 2011 at 7:00 am

Damn these hairless tribbles!

HrolfK said on October 21st, 2011 at 7:01 am

Appleplexy!

HrolfK said on October 21st, 2011 at 7:02 am

Is this meant as an apple-ogy?

[I’m really going to stop now]

The Unstoppable Gravy Express said on October 21st, 2011 at 8:45 am

“iFUUUCCKKKK MEEEEEE!!!!”

Eli Balin said on October 21st, 2011 at 11:44 am

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain…”

Saidi said on October 21st, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Return of the killer apples

this summer

The Unstoppable Gravy Express said on October 21st, 2011 at 2:01 pm

“HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT COMING??!!!?”

“SERIOUSLY, I HAVE CLEAR UNTINTED WINDOWS, HOW DID I NOT NOTICE ALL THE APPLES THAT MUST SURELY HAVE BEEN JAMMED AGAINST THEM NOT THREE SECONDS AGO?!?!??!!”

HrolfK said on October 21st, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Apparently apples do not insulate you from being struck by the lightning tree… maybe pears?

HrolfK said on October 21st, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Try again. You’ll get one in my mouth eventually.

Tice with a J said on October 22nd, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I gotta go with HrolfK: that word bubble looks like a lightning tree.

Also: “I’m sorry, Granny Smith! I’m sorry! I’ll never badmouth your fruits again!”

Stig said on October 24th, 2011 at 9:52 am

GODDAMIT EVE, I WILL NOT EAT THIS MOTHERFUCKING FRUIT! DID YOU EVER CONSIDER I LIKE MY CAR BETTER THAN THE ABILITY TO TELL GOOD FROM EVIL?

(Caption: Archie Theatre Presents Yahweh Motors, Inc.: The Classic Creation Story Re-Told In The High-Pressure World Of Car Salesmanship. With Jughead Jones as Boss Yahweh, Midge “Sugar-Tits” Klump as Lily von Forktongue, Waldo “Sugar-Tits” Weatherbee as Little Joey Adam and Betty “Sugar-Tits” Cooper as Windshield Eve: The Girl Who Forgot How To Quit, And Indeed What She Was Meant To Be Quitting)

Eric S. Smith said on October 24th, 2011 at 11:05 pm

“For the last time, Dilton, your bio-fuel scheme is impractical!”

piranhtachew said on October 25th, 2011 at 6:54 pm

“I asked for pearbags!”

piranhtachew said on October 25th, 2011 at 6:55 pm

(BTW: Is Mr. Bee’s car running? That cloud is rather low.)

HrolfK said on October 30th, 2011 at 7:41 pm

The more you stare at his mouth, the more you realise it’s an eye… staring back. Always staring back. Watching, always watching…

Archie Andrews And The Improver of Secrets

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