3D-rendered pictures of “sexy girls.” No. They are not sexy. They are not even interesting; every single one is the same long legs and the same balloon tits and the same dead expression. Anybody calling this “art” sexy needs to be held down by an actual real woman and slapped repeatedly, because it is just fucking creepy and you’re not doing yourself any favours by asserting that it’s hot or in any way creatively non-bankrupt. There are myriad uses to which your computer could be put to productive use, and there are myriad things that are better to jerk off to than computer-rendered sexy girls. Pick one of them and move on.
(3D-rendered pictures of “sexy guys” are likewise creepy as all hell, but, go figure, they’re a lot rarer. Gay nerds have better things to do with their time.)
The wankers complaining that Wall-E is “anti-fat.” No, seriously, whether it’s pro-fat-activists complaining that Pixar hates fat people or right-wing movie critics complaining that Pixar depicted mindless gluttony and consumerism as, you know, bad and stuff, apparently there are always going to be people happy to find an insult where one wasn’t intended. HEY GUESS WHAT: the fat people in Wall-E are fat because they live in low gravity, which is a situation not exactly applicable to everyday life. Also offended: non-cute robots, who insist that people now expect that they “act in a cute manner.”
(SPECIAL NO-PRIZE: This comment from late 2007. “I think that Pixar may actually be having a large portion of Wall-E rewritten, so the offensive parts may not actually be in there when it hits theatres.” Yes, that was going to happen possibly.)
Zwinkies. If you do not know, a Zwinkie is a computer-generated avatar which lets you create a somewhat customized figure (you pick the hairstyle, you pick the clothing, you’re stuck with the same disturbing faux-anime body type, et cetera). There are approximately seven billion of these things around the intertubes, and I use “Zwinkie” as the name for all of them for two reasons: firstly, because I see tons of ads for the Zwinkie generator everywhere I go, with its “what if My Little Ponies looked like humans” sort of aesthetic, and secondly because “Zwinkie” sounds disturbing, like a hideous monster wearing a baby-doll mask and cooing at you.
Zwinkie avatars are uniformly unattractive and make me hate you a little bit for using them. Do not use them. Just put up a picture of yourself. If you don’t want to do that for safety reasons, put up a picture of a celebrity people say you look like. I realize that, since this is the internet, everybody will have an avatar of Paul Giamatti or Kathy Najimy, but I’ve made my peace with that in advance.
Jesse Helms. Okay, he’s dead, so do I have to hate him less? Answer: no. Fuck Jesse Helms. Fuck Jesse Helms’ corpse. I want that bastard eaten by rats. Presumably at that point he will have done something useful with his pox-ridden shovel-fuck waste of a life. Actually, come to think, I wish he could have lived another six months to see Barack Obama win the Presidency so his fucking head could have exploded.
People who make the “science will fix things” argument when environmental problems are pointed out. Friends of mine made this argument yesterday, so clearly this is not a irredeemable flaw, but it still drives me absolutely bugshit every time I hear it. The human race has been trying to invent fusion energy for fifty years now, folks, and we’re not getting any closer despite what those Russians claim. There is no guarantee of somebody genetically engineering the algae that will eat carbon dioxide and shit oil, and more likely than not if somebody does it will be horrible and also eat trees and people and stuff. Or it will be intelligent and insist that if it’s going to eat all that carbon dioxide for us, that we have to have a TV channel that plays The Simple Life 24/7 because it loves Paris Hilton thaaaat much. Of course, that won’t happen, because we’re not going to see that algae in our lifetimes, not on any practical level.
This argument is exactly equal to somebody saying “I don’t have to worry about my mortgage payments, because I’m gonna win the lottery and move to Aruba.” What would you tell that guy? You’d tell him he’s a dumbass. Except in this case, the “mortgage payments” are actually “preserving all life on Earth.”
(Close second: “the market will take care of it.” No, it won’t. We’re already seeing a preview of what “the market” will do: create an unstable situation where people take risks rather than abandon their familiar lifestyle as fear of the unknown trumps other fears, gradually leading to massive societal unrest and eventual collapse. Worse, if you want to ignore the whole “death of the human race” bit, the most economical solution to the energy crisis from a dollars-and-cents perspective is coal (and shale oil) which is even worse than petroleum.)
People who get into flamewars over video game consoles. You’re all losers. End of story.
The assorted people who, on a weekly basis, find those old posts where I said a given storyline of PVP was bullshit, and send me flame mail. You know, I understand Scott Kurtz is capable of fighting his own battles (god knows he’s been in enough VIOLENT NET CONFLICTS in his lifetime). He mostly ignored me and I mostly ignore him. How is that not enough for you? Can’t you go find a thread about “Secret Invasion kicks Final Crisis’ ASS hehehehehe” or “fourth edition totally ruins the game” and pick a side like a good nerd? That way, everybody will know what big internet balls you have when you express your opinion in public. You know, like a non-chickenshit.
(PS: PVP is still shit and getting worse. This concludes your update of what I think about PVP. I eagerly await more spamflame.)
