…but watching Andy Richter absolutely destroy Wolf Blitzer at Celebrity Jeopardy is delicious.

Mostly because the questions were so goddamned easy, as befits Celebrity Jeopardy. Dana Delany at least seemed to know what she was doing and was just getting beaten to the punch on the buzzer, but Wolf Blitzer was just flailing at answers. How can the lead anchor for CNN not know that Lyndon Johnson decided not to run for re-election in 1968? He ended up with nearly negative five thousand dollars; that’s a score more suited to a Celebrity Jeopardy sketch on Saturday Night Live.

Is there any good reason why politicians who leave or are voted out of office shouldn’t be executed?
continue reading "Welcome to “Prescription Medication-Induced Reflections with Andrew Foley”"

…that fishermen have discovered a parasite that eats its host fish’s tongue and then lives in its mouth, living off the food the fish consumes?

Gross, huh?

I offer this interesting piece of trivia as evidence there are worse things you can put into peoples’ mouths than words.

Having said that, can YOU tell who didn’t actually say the following? Answers in the footnotes1.

-“Best show some humility when talkin’ to Congress there, boy.” 2

-“I haven’t been arrested for a hit and run all year, therefore that dead guy in the street is totally unrelated to the dead guy-shaped dent in my hood.”3

-“ABC News said more than one and a half million people attended the 9/12 rally. That’s a whole lot of people ABC News says are totally real and I do not have a small penis.”4

-“Kanye West made a mockery of the VMAs, utterly destroying the long-standing tradition of solemn contemplation and celebration of the achievements of the best the popular performing arts have to offer.”5

-“Kanye West is a total dick.”6

-“I just want to say we need to collectively take a breath. This whole thing’s gotten out of hand and we all just need to calm down people before it al”7

-“We never said More than a million people attended the 9/12 project. Fuck no, that’s crazy talk, whoever said that is a pathetic liar with penis issues.”8

-“I can’t say comment on the Disney/Marvel merger but that’s no reason for me not to give a lengthy, uninformative interview on the subject this one time.”9

-“Shit, I should really post something on MGK today…”10

1. SPOILER WARNING! [↩]
2. “I think [President Obama]’s going to have to express some humility based on what we’ve seen around the country during August, and that’s not his inclination.” – Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss [↩]
3. “All year, I’ve never been foot-faulted and then suddenly in this tournament they keep calling foot faults” – Serena Williams [↩]
4. Freedom Works President Matt Kibbe [↩]
5. Absolutely no one. [↩]
6. Almost everyone. [↩]
7. Someone who is A) probably right and B) doesn’t understand how to use Twitter. [↩]
8. “At no time did ABC News, or its affiliates, report a number anywhere near as large.” – ABC News [↩]
9. “Certain statements in this communication may constitute “forward-looking statements” within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. Such statements relate to a variety of matters, including but not limited to: the operations of the businesses of The Walt Disney Company (“Disney”) and Marvel Entertainment, Inc. (“Marvel”) separately and as a combined entity; the timing and consummation of the proposed merger transaction; the expected benefits of the integration of the two companies; the combined company’s plans, objectives, expectations and intentions and other statements that are not historical fact. These statements are made on the basis of the current beliefs, expectations and assumptions of the management of Disney and Marvel regarding future events and are subject to significant risks and uncertainty. Investors are cautioned not to place undue reliance on any such forward-looking statements, which speak only as of the date they are made. Neither Disney nor Marvel undertakes any obligation to update or revise these statements, whether as a result of new information, future events or otherwise.

   “Actual results may differ materially from those expressed or implied. Such differences may result from a variety of factors, including but not limited to:

   * legal or regulatory proceedings or other matters that affect the timing or ability to complete the transactions as contemplated;
   * the possibility that the expected synergies from the proposed merger will not be realized, or will not be realized within the anticipated time period or that the businesses will not be integrated successfully;
   * the possibility of disruption from the merger making it more difficult to maintain business and operational relationships;
   * the possibility that the merger does not close, including but not limited to, due to the failure to satisfy the closing conditions;
   * any actions taken by either of the companies, including but not limited to, restructuring or strategic initiatives (including capital investments or asset acquisitions or dispositions);
   * and developments beyond the companies’ control, including but not limited to: changes in domestic or global economic conditions, competitive conditions and consumer preferences;
   * adverse weather conditions or natural disasters; health concerns; international, political or military developments; and technological developments.

   “Additional factors that may cause results to differ materially from those described in the forward-looking statements are set forth in the Annual Report on Form 10-K of Disney for the year ended September 27, 2008, which was filed with the SEC on November 20, 2008, under the heading “Item 1A—Risk Factors” and in the Annual Report on Form 10-K of Marvel for the year ended December 31, 2008, which was filed with the SEC on February 27, 2009, under the heading “Item 1A—Risk Factors,” and in subsequent reports on Forms 10-Q and 8-K and other filings made with the SEC by each of Marvel and Disney.” -Marvel Comics Editor in Chief  Joe Quesada [↩]

10. -Foley [↩]

Any cartoonists/illustrators with a facility for cariacature interested in working on a small side-project (non-comic-related) with the promise of precisely zero compensation – email me and we’ll talk.

From the Tuesday, August 11, 2009 edition of The Hollywood Reporter:

Universal Studios has ticket to ride on “My Little Pony”
“GI Joe” director Sommers to direct 2011 tentpole based on childhood toy with no noticeable storyline
by Andrew Foley

“2011 is going to be a great year for fans of gritty, action-packed films based on childrens toys from the ‘90s!” So declared Universal Pictures representative Myron Dickens this morning at the news conference to announce his studio’s acquisition of Hasbro’s “My Little Pony”.

Said Dickens, “Any toy property people have fond memories, hell, any memories of at all, they’re like gold-wrapped cocaine right now, everyone wants some. Toss in a few explosions, a little grit and you could do a 50 mill opening weekend with a ‘Slinky’.” He continued, “Hey, who owns the rights to Slinky…?”

Though Universal, Paramount, and Sony bid approximately the same amount for “My Little Pony”, only Universal was willing to commit to a three-picture deal with “Pony” licenseholder Hasbro Toys. “My Little Pony: Dark Horse Rising” is tentatively scheduled for release in July 2011.

While Hasbro-based films have been on a hot streak recently with the success of the “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”, “My Little Pony”, a girls toy with no obvious narrative hook, may seem an unlikely prospect to receive tentpole movie treatment. And, admitted Dickens, that was exactly how Hollywood saw the property last Wednesday. But the success of “Joe” this weekend changed things, setting off a heated bidding war for what many see as the absolute last available ‘90s toy property with any exploitable name recognition.

The critically reviled “Rise of Cobra” grossed more than $55m in North America, and more than $40m internationally in its debut weekend, so Universal’s announcement that “Joe” helmer Stephen Sommers was on-board for a “noirish, Dark Knight-esque take” on “My Little Pony” might also be considered a coup by anyone who hasn’t actually seen “GI Joe” or “Van Helsing”.

Also present at this morning’s press conference was Sommers’ agent, Len Devlin. Devlin said he’d personally delivered word of both “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”’s success and the “Pony” job to the director, currently at a private health facility recuperating from an accidental overdose of approximately 200 pills from 17 different prescriptions consumed Thursday night. Cautiously optimistic about his future in the film industry for the first time since “Joe” was screen-tested, Devlin quoted Sommers as saying, “ Seriously, Len, you better not be joking. If I find out Ashton Kutcher’s got anything to do with this, I swear I will kill your family in front of you with my bare hands.” Asked how Sommers could sign on to a film without being aware of it, Devlin explained that his client was technically dead for seven minutes when he first arrived at the emergency room Thursday, during which time he had power of attorney for his client.

36-year old virgin men and six year old girls alike will be chomping at the bit to see “My Little Pony: Dark Horse Rising” for a while yet. But plenty of other plotless, toy-inspired SFXtravaganzas should keep them entertained in the coming months. In addition to the early 2010 releases of Universal’s own “Stretch Armstrong” feature and “Rom: Spaceknight” at Sony, Disney has reportedly fast-tracked the Jim Henson Studios-developed “Cabbage Patch Kids”, aiming for a late 2010 release date. And visionary “Watchmen” director Zak Snyder is rumoured to be close to reaching an agreement with Dreamworks to tackle yet another beloved toy franchise, according to Dreamworks co-founder Steven Spielberg, who went on to say, “Visual effects technology has reached the point where we believe we can finally do the Care Bears justice.”

***

About the author: In addition to a sporadically updated blog with a readership well into the mid-teens, Andrew Foley wrote the comic books Parting Ways, Done to Death, and The Holiday Men. He also has a co-writing credit on the Cowboys & Aliens comic, but we don’t talk about that. He’ll be posting on Mightygodking.com until either he or Christopher Bird realize they’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake.

Before we get started, Dan asked:

…the few times I’ve tried to watch it I had to change the channel immediately when Mary Murphy starts talking. And I know more people who don’t watch the show because of her than watch it despite her. What are your thoughts on her presence and what she brings to the show? (Nigel seems mildly amusing and mostly harmless)

Nigel is honestly a lot more pernicious than Mary; at times his sexism and personal type of homophobia can become outrageously noxious and offensive.

My take on Mary is that, whatever her flaws (and boy howdy does she have flaws) she’s genuine, and that is worth something. Yes, the screaming and Hot Tamale Train and all of that is incredibly annoying (no, really – incredibly annoying), but she’s one hundred percent honest and most of the time knows her shit when it comes to judging. And without Screaming Mary, we’d never get Crying Mary, and I think it’s good to have a judge who genuinely gets moved by the performances as she does. I just wish she’d stop with the fucking screaming.

Anyway. Your guest judge tonight is Adam Shankman, who directs mostly horrible movies but is a wonderful human being in spite of that! There’s a gigantic new stage that holds thirty bazillion people! It’s so big it’s in WIIIIIIIDESCREEEEEEEEN! The show is now officially big enough for Michael Bay to blow up!

Opening all-four dance: jazz. Coincidentally, this Wadeandamanda Robson piece is the closest any dancer will come tonight to dancing hip-hop, which makes Nigel’s endless triumphalism about how this season’s dancers are so hot-shit even more hollow. “They’re so great we decided not to do anything out-of-the-box like having them dance an unfamiliar style or something they might not excel at!” But this piece is honestly really good and fun, funky in a sort of jazz-dance way with some good beats. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Jeanine and Shorty: contemporary. This week’s Sonya Tayeh piece did not feel like a Sonya Tayeh piece. Where is the black eyeliner? How am I supposed to know that Sonya choreographed it if nobody is wearing black eyeliner? But seriously. Jeanine killed it, absolutely left Shorty behind; this was probably his best dance of the night, too. He actually did really well. But… the problem for Shorty is that Jeanine is so much better than him that the difference is staggeringly obvious.

Brandon’s solo: Actually impressed me the least of all his solos: this one just felt like a series of moves, whereas his others had a sense of build and purpose to his move sequence. This felt – not desperate, because it was clearly confident. But it definitely felt like there was a conscious plan here to dazzle rather than tell a brief story through dance.

Kayla and Brandon: Broadway. Nigel does his best to ruin the Tasty Oreo joke by referring to it, but Tasty Oreo is forever, Nigel, and even your power of blah cannot destroy it. Anyway, I did not have high hopes for this coming in but was really very pleasantly surprised: Brandon and Kayla danced it very well and Tasty laid off the overblown literalism that’s a hallmark of his Broadway choreography, and the result was a very fun, entertaining piece. I really liked it.

Jeanine’s solo: The judges were blown away by how difficult a solo she chose to do, and it definitely was difficult – easily, in its way, as difficult as Brandon’s, except where his required immense power hers required near-perfect control. (That extended pirouette? Insane.) She absolutely nailed it.

Shorty and Brandon: pop/jazz. I love that LaurieAnne got brought back so quickly, and her routine this time was good – again, about as close to hip-hop as the Whitest Finale In SYTYCD History could manage. Shorty was once again outdanced, but this time it wasn’t a case of him dancing well and just being outclassed by a genius, but by him dancing pretty averagely and being outclassed by a genius.

Shorty’s solo: Underdanced and not nearly good enough at this stage. Look, don’t get me wrong: I think he’s actually pretty good as dancers go, and I was happy to see him make top ten because he deserved it. But he’s been constantly outclassed since about top 12 week and should have left long ago; he’s just not at this level yet, if he ever will be. He does his thing really well? So did Musa in season 2 or Cedric in season 3. (Except, you know, they were hip-hop dancers so the show didn’t have a problem ditching their asses.)

Jeanine and Kayla: contemporary. Didn’t care for this at all. I don’t have any complaints about their dancing particularly; I just thought the choreography was boring, and the judges falling over themselves to praise Mia Michaels for her profoundly literal piece about their “journey” was honestly kind of lame. Except for Nigel, going to his Dirty Old Man well. That was lame and pathetic. Then he says these two are the best female dancers in the show’s history, throwing – at a minimum – Melody, Lacey, Sabra, and Katee under a bus. (Kayla wouldn’t even make my list of top ten female dancers in the U.S. show’s history. Jeanine would be in the top three.)

Shorty and Kayla: jive. Tony and Melanie impress me less and less each time I see their stuff. They used to be good, right? What happened? Anyway, Adam asks if there is anything Kayla can’t do, and other than “dance hip-hop well,” I can’t think of anything. Well, maybe “dance in shoes,” because once again she’s not wearing heels in a ballroom routine, instead forced into cowboy boots – possibly because she’s not good in shoes, possibly because of the height difference. But the cowboy boots were ridiculous, because even if she was capable of performing the jive at full tilt (and given the mistakes she was making in this routine, my guess is that she isn’t), why would you make her wear footwear that would be likely to fall off in the middle of a jive? Shorty actually danced better than her in this; his leg extensions were actually quite sharp and his upper body was better than the judges gave him credit for. That having been said, I do not want Shorty receiving any positive reinforcement at this stage because he Should Not Win and I don’t want his fans having an excuse to vote for him on the grounds of perceived quality.

Kayla’s solo: Same old technical brilliance with no soul. Adam Shankman, who is a sweetheart, puts her on par with Danny or Travis, which is laughable. She’s good, and obviously has room to get even better, but she’s not as good as the judges say she is. She’s good enough to make top 4 (although Janette would have been better); she’s not good enough to warrant anything more than that.

Jeanine and Brandon: paso doble. This was seriously hot shit, one of the best pasos in the show’s history. Both Jeanine and Brandon spent the entire night outdancing their partners and then when they got to dance with one another, they blew the roof off the place. There isn’t much more to say about it: it was just completely excellent and they both completely embodied the dance. COMPLETELY.

Final order should be: 1.) Jeanine 2.) Brandon 3.) Kayla 4.) Shorty
Final order will be: 1.) Jeanine 2.) Shorty 3.) Brandon 4.) Kayla

(From a 1985 issue of Ebony. Looks kind of like Billy Dee Williams, doesn’t he?)

Top comment: I wonder if they thought popped collars would still be in style or if they thought they’d be back in style. — dan

CB: “Why I should direct X.” Ha! Loopholes!

It’s funny, because I’ve completed four feature-length screenplays. (Two of which are actually reasonably good. The old adage that everybody has to write at least one shit screenplay before they can write a good one is too generous by half, in my case literally.) But I’ve been notoriously unlucky in Hollywood beating me to the punch.

Fadeaway, for example, was a story about an assassin trying to kill the President of the United States – with the ability to teleport, which he got as a result of an illegal dark-sector government lab experiment. It was basically written around three or four set-pieces using the teleportation to best cinematic effect. Then Bryan Singer includes the “Nightcrawler invades the White House” sequence in X2 and there’s a screenplay that basically becomes obsolete (or at least perceived as a ripoff too greatly to be made for a couple decades) overnight.

More recently, Midnight Men, the story about a world where vampires took over, and which has been a side project I return to whenever I get stalled on something else (it’s about 60 percent done at this point), is now completely unmakeable thanks to Daybreakers, which seriously looks to use maybe eighty-five percent of my story beats. Admittedly, in mine the vampire world was self-sustaining as a result of blood cloning factories, the human resistance operated entirely in secret, and the death of the vampire race was essentially long-term and built-in rather than a scarcity of food supply, but the basic story beats are all there. Which, on the one hand it’s nice that somebody liked the same ideas I liked well enough to get a budget (and come on, Daybreakers looks pretty cool), but on the other hand it’s still annoying.

And of course there’s Al’Rashad, the pseudo-Arabic-meets-Vikingish fantasy epic that was four-fifths finished – on September 10, 2001. (I finished it anyway, but knew it wouldn’t be filmable for years. I need to go back and fix up some parts at some point; looking back at it, you can see where it’s still rough. I wasn’t nearly as seasoned a writer then. Or maybe I’ll turn it into a comic or novel at some point – but it would need reworking. I was really in a visual place for it.)

Anyway, this is getting away from the actual question of “why I should direct X,” but most existing properties I don’t have any interest in making or have already been done. The only existing properties I’d still consider tackling as a writer/director1 are Green Lantern, The Prisoner, and Small Gods by Terry Pratchett (maybe Good Omens, but there is always talk about Terry Gilliam doing that one, and I would dearly love to see that). Besides, knowing that I’m capable of directing – because I’ve done it – is different from wanting to do it. The creative control is glorious; the on-set responsibility, onerous.

1. Because there’s a line of people asking me to do both jobs, you see. [↩]

In the previous Mark Steyn post, Cosmo accused me of ad hominem argument, then, when I told him he didn’t actually seem to understand what ad hominem was, went and got the dictionary definition (or, well, the about.com definition, anyway) and still managed to get it wrong:

“Ad hominem is a Latin term meaning “to the man”. It is short for “argumentum ad hominem” which refers to an argument against a man. An argument that is ad hominem is one that has deviated from the claims being made and has instead focused on the person making the claims.”

Who’s REALLY the hack here?

I’m going to go into a little detail now, because this is one of my major pet peeves: people (on any side of the political spectrum: left, right, Ron Paul, 4chan, you name it) get this wrong all the time. So I’m taking my reply to his comment and turning it into a post. (My blog, my rules.)

An argument that is ad hominem deviates from the claims being made and focuses on the person making the claims, this is true, but is still ultimately targeted at the claims, which is why ad hominem is included as one of the classic arguments of fallacy. The generic example of an ad hominem is:

“[X]’s argument about [whatever] is wrong because he is a worthless asshole.”

That’s how ad hominem differs from insult: it takes insult, which is essentially opinion, and treats it as evidence.

For example, I think Mark Steyn is a malicious asshole. That’s opinion (and insult). But it’s not an argument. If I want to justify it and turn it into an argument (IE, “Mark Steyn is a malicious asshole because X”), I might say it’s because he oversimplifies his arguments to misrepresent the position of his opposition, or because he conflates essentially unrelated political phenomena on the basis of apparent surface similarities to create the appearance of a sustained argument where none in fact exists.(And in fact I did say just that in the original post, albeit not as eloquently.) I might go on to add that Steyn’s been cheerfully wrong about the Great Depression and the merits of Augusto Pinochet, among other things. (Those were just the first two links that reminded me of amusements past. There are plenty more; I heartily recommend his idiotic screed about the merits of Jack Kirby versus Stan Lee to comics fans, wherein he suggests that Stan Lee’s motivation for making Spider-Man a troubled individual was not because Stan Lee wanted to make the character more relatable and realistic, but because Stan Lee was a big ol’ nasty liberal.) He has a chronic inability to fact-check and racist tendencies (if you’ve read America Alone, you know he routinely and incorrectly conflates “Muslim” and “non-Muslim” with “brown” and “white”) that are moderately disgusting.

Even then, though, that’s still not ad hominem, because in that case the argument being made is specifically about the individual rather than his claims. (To wit: X is an asshole because of Y and Z.) Ad hominem occurs when the major point of argument is A) not about the specific individual referred to and B) one then fallaciously refers to negative characteristics of that individual to “prove” he is wrong.

In the context of this post, that would have been something like “Steyn wrote about Lily Ledbetter and got it totally wrong, because he is an asshole.” A reader who ignored or glossed over my paragraph about his oversimplifying Ledbetter v. Goodyear to the point of idiocy might incorrectly consider it ad hominem – but no dice. (I might still be wrong – such is the nature of argument – but it’s not a fallacious argument.)

That’s why ad hominem is one of the classic logical fallacies. Got it now?

Top comment: I hate to be the guy who focuses on the one throwaway comics reference in an otherwise political post…

Anyway, Steyn’s “EVIL STAN LEE WAS AN EVIL DEMOCRAT” thing kind of hilariously omits the fact that Kirby was a lifelong FDR Democrat himself. — Prankster

What exactly is the difference between Diet Coke and Coke Zero, anyhow?

Yes, yes, I’m going to write something about this whole scans_daily/Peter David brouhaha eventually. It’s coming. But come on, folks, last night’s episode of Battlestar Galactica isn’t going to watch itself, you know?

Also, I tried a can of the Jimi Hendrix Energy Drink, and it in fact tastes kind of like what would happen if you took grape drink and then ionized it with an electric current, so I am sure they could pretend that the electric current would then power a Gibson.

Also also: commenters have been taking exception to why I think conservatives like carbon taxation better than cap-and-trade. It is worth remembering that the original question was “why is David Frum so hot for carbon taxation?” I gave the answer. There’s no reason that carbon taxation can’t be used in a proactive, progressive manner – say, by pairing it with spending or tax initiatives to make it easier for low-income parties to live their lives in a more energy-efficient manner, for example. But David Frum isn’t going to advocate for that part.

So I am totally in love with this “25 things” meme because it made the pages of USA Today and I love the McPaper, so I wanted to do it. I asked MGK but he was all “Flapjacks that is sooooooo 2004” and he said don’t do it but I’m gonna do it because it’s awesome and lists are awesome and awesomeness is awesome.

1.) I frequently masturbate to “sad clown” pornography.
2.) If I could go back in time, I would go back to 1912 and punch Kaiser Wilhelm in the face, just to ruin stuff for all the people who would be going back in time to punch Hitler but because I punched the Kaiser there would only be a confused art student wondering why all these people were punching him.
3.) I don’t think cows explode often enough.
4.) I am standing behind you… RIGHT NOW!
5.) Okay no I’m not but I bet you looked.
6.) I can wiggle my fingers. But differently than how you do it.
7.) If I could go back in time twice, I would fight Jesus. Not to be mean. I just figure Jesus would probably like to box, but nobody would box him because, you know, Jesus.
8.) MGK said I have to use capital letters on his blog now because people complained SO HERE ARE SOME CAPITAL LETTERS WHOOOOOOOOOO.
9.) If I were a lucha libre wrestler my masked name would be “El Legarto Diablo,” AKA “the Devil’s Lizard.”
10.) Because that’s a penis joke.
11.) Somebody emailed MGK this video and he didn’t want to post it but I think it is the best video ever so here.

12.) My favorite food is corn. Theoretically you can stab a man to death with corn.
13.) When I go to the movies I always sit at the very back so I can pretend that I am just watching a big TV and that a bunch of strangers showed up in my house to have a very, very quiet and respectful party.
14.) I am not allowed to go back to the circus.
15.) Ever since I saw that video MGK keeps looking at me suspiciously.
16.) I would be an awesome con man because I would use suspension of disbelief. I would be all “I can sell you the secret of eternal youth” and they would say “but that’s ridiculous, that doesn’t exist, you’re lying” and then I would go “that you would say that makes it obvious that I am telling the truth because who would say such a stupid lie” and then they would say “good point” and I would get all their money.
17.) But I’d probably spend all the money on generation-one Transformers. But only Shockwave. I want a collection of five billion Shockwaves. And maybe one Megatron so they can say “you can’t be in our Shockwave club, Megatron, because we are ray guns and you are a crappy pistol.” Then Megatron would cry sad tears.
18.) If I were a porn star, according to the time-honored formula of “pet name plus street you grew up on is your porn name,” my porn name would be Calvin Coolidge. REALLY!
19.) Actually, wait, can robots cry tears?
20.) When I go down on a girl, I make my tongue do the Konami Code, although this gets tricky when you get to figuring out what “select” and “start” represent.
21.) If I was going to kill a celebrity and eat their flesh, I would cannibalize Trey Parker and/or Matt Stone. Partially for the irony value, but mostly because I didn’t like BASEketball.
22.) I can read a book so fast that I literally rip the pages out of the book because I am turning the pages so fast.
23.) Actually that’s not true and I just like to rip up books sometimes.
24.) I can make anybody eat a Scotch Bonnet pepper just by holding them down and forcing it into their mouth then forcing them to chew.
25.) If I were going to be an animal, I would be an ibyx. Look it up.

John McCain

Smoothies that come in a bottle

Skrulls

Youtube videos where the editor takes a metal or gangsta rap song and has animated characters or Muppets “sing” the words

Pretending to care about Jennifer Aniston

“TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!”

Heidi and Spencer

Pomengranate anything

Scarlett Johannson’s musical ambitions

Yu-Gi-Oh!

Critical analysis of Grand Theft Auto games as they relate to popular culture

Jokes about Amy Winehouse involving the word “rehab”

Respecting the New York Yankees’ business skills

Jim Carrey

Verbally masturbating to how awesome Jack Kirby comics are

Hummers (the car)

Hummers (the slang term for blowjobs)

Facebook parody sites

Kardashians

And one final Christmas miracle for you (although this is fairly mundane and not so miraculous as some miracles, but): remember that little kid with cerebral palsy whose pony was being taken away? It turns out that he will get to keep his pony after all. So that’s good!

Right. Barring an event that I feel deserves comment (or possibly a lot of boredom on my part), I’ll be back on the 27th. Have good hols, all.