Every Thursday, mightygodking.com returns to the pages of Who’s Who, the classic 1980s DC comic book encyclopedia of their characters. Every week, a character shall be judged on the only scale scientific enough that matters: the Rex The Wonder Dog scale of fantasticosity.
See, once upon a time, Kana would have been all right. When he first arrived on the scene, ninjas were a novelty. There was no American Ninja, no Shinobi video game for the Sega Genesis (and indeed no Sega Genesis), not even a Storm Shadow or Shredder. Kana is a refugee from a simpler time, when men were men and women were women and ninjas were ninjas and dammit, that was enough.
Unfortunately, just because he’s old school doesn’t really make him very interesting. Kana is perhaps the most generic ninja character of all time. The stereotypical ninja origin – he has an oath of vengeance! (Which, curiously, he carries out by being an agent for the West, which really doesn’t make any sense when you think about it for more than two seconds.) Look at his “powers” – the most generic set of ninja abilities ever created. Good with weapons! Hides in shadows! Can meditate! Boy all of this is really fascinatzzzzzzzzz.
The reason nobody knows what happened to Kana is because nobody cares. Or perhaps, more accurately, Kana is so boring that we in fact do know, but nobody can be bothered to tell the story. “Yeah, he did some ninja stuff for a while. Then he opened a dojo and taught ninja stuff to young ninjas.” (It would have been a car wash, but a car wash would be in its own small way interesting and distinctive, so Kana would have none of that. If there isn’t a bamboo mat involved for him to meditate upon and a bowl of rice at the end of the day, he’s not interested.)
But in his own way, Kana is a throwback. Kana is the product of a time when ninjas were the new, the perfect example of cultural exploration at a time when risotto and hummus and reggae and General Tso Chicken were all considered daring and risque novelties of the Other Part Of The World. Back then, he didn’t need to be anything more than a ninja. And that’s kind of cool, in a way.
“Generic ninja” is a flat twenty-five percent, but Kana gets bumped up a bit for being the definitive generic ninja, if you will.
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How generic a ninja was Kana? In his first appearance the cover labeled him simply “Ninja.”
The sad part? A character like this could be vastly improved if he was just this guy who happened to be a ninja. In fact, in some ways, being *just an effective ninja*, without any other trappings, would make him incredibly badass compared to some of the ninja running around comics today. But no, he’s a Ninja, like it’s his religion or something. All the other characters tried to be cool and include him in saving the world, but no, he had some weird-ass Ninja holiday that required him to go to Ninja temple, every damn time, and eventually they just stopped asking.
Hahaha, Ninja Holiday.
I can’t say I’m a big fan of ninjas in general, but it is sort of interesting that he was such a stereotypical character and how that was okay back then. I learned my motor controls from Sonic the Hedgehog around age 3, so it’s hard to fathom growing up in a place where it wasn’t always ‘Asia rawks’ and ‘Here, listen to this bitchin’ Bollywood song.’
Damnit! Now I want a ninja car wash!
I think you gave him a few extra percent for his obvious facial deformities. He should’ve advertised himself as Maxillofacially Deformed Ninja, that might have gotten people interested.
What does it take for a character to get a single digit percentage from you? You are extremely generous to some of these characters. Personally I would have given this guy the 30%, 31% tops.
Wait a moment… no offense, but did you read that last paragraph? Yes, he can meditate, which would normally be a big yawn… except that according to the article he can project his spirit through TIME! How many characters in comics (minus the silver age Kryptonians) can time-travel sans gadgets, let alone are also ninjas? Imagine a series with “Kana, Secret Shadow Time-Ninja… not even your ancestors are safe.”
“What does it take for a character to get a single digit percentage from you? You are extremely generous to some of these characters. Personally I would have given this guy the 30%, 31% tops.” – Mc’ed
You’re missing the beauty of the Rex the Wonder Dog scale. Rex sets the bar of awesomeness so high, that there’s lots of room at the bottom. This leaves the bottom 20% just for guys like you and I, who don’t have appearances in comics.
Like Twisty said. “Time-traveling Ninja” is wholly un-generic. That’s something that even the Naruto freaks didn’t come up with nowadays. Normal ninjas strike fear into the hearts of their enemies during confrontation, but TIME-TRAVELING ninjas strike fear into enemies today, yesterday, three weeks from now, and two years ago. Awesome!
It’s not really time-traveling so much as it is very limited pre/postcognition brought about through meditation. If it was FOR REALS time travel, then yes. But sadly, no.
I can’t fear ninjas. Even the lone ninja, which is supposed to be 10 liters of utter badass in a 350 mL cup.
I think you should’ve docked him points for the effect of weeaboos and Narutards.
I always like how Americans/Westerners give ugly or inappropriate names to their characters (e.g., “Kana” is a girl’s name. lol).
Did he see any action in the European Theater? If he was a Nazi-fighting ninja, it must be worth a few points.
Wait, wait, wait…
“Room at the bottom?”
Are you telling me the Rex the Wonder Dog scale isn’t metric?! Do you have any idea how hard it is for your results to be replicated in a control environment now?!
This Hank Pym level science. Shiv, man.
1) Okay, so he had a girl’s name. Surely that gets him a few extra points for the Jayne Cobb Factor?
2) ‘With ninjas’ was a guaranteed point-scorer throughout the 1980s, but ‘fighting Nazis’ has been a bonus for 60 years and is still going strong. What would Indiana Jones be without Nazis? That’s right, an unusually kinky version of Tony Robinson. Therefore, if Kana does fight Nazis, I demand a recount.
3) MGK don’t shiv, man.
The last paragraph of the bio clearly states that he can send his spirit through time, and then when he gets there he can take physical form. He does this by either pulling his material body to him or possibly just creating another one out of thin air, that’s pretty impressive.
Kana the Secret Shadow Warrior should not be confused with his cousin, Kana the Public Shadow Warrior. That guy, while awesome, was less effective at that “espionage” thing. Perhaps it was the day-glo suit, or the bagpipes. Regardless, keep your Kanas straight.
THAT is exactly what the DC universe needs.. Bizarro Ninjas.. followed eventually by Bizarro Pirates.
^ Which brings up the question, what happens if you create a Bizarro of a Bizarro?
Zibarro.
Of course.
Damn my memory.