39 users responded in this post

Subscribe to this post comment rss or trackback url
mygif

Clearly inspired by Zardoz, I think.

ReplyReply
mygif
Screaming Yellow Zonker Harris said on March 12th, 2009 at 9:37 am

@guayec: Clearly inspired by Zardoz, I think.

Nah, diaper isn’t red enough.

ReplyReply
mygif
SpiffyBug said on March 12th, 2009 at 9:48 am

“Vartox married an alien chick who died when a woman on Earth, her “bionic twin,” was shot and killed.”

I thought that guy looked familiar… I read that comic when I was a kid! (My Grandparents still has all the comics he bought for my mom when she was young in boxes in their basement).

His clearly illustrated chest hair always stuck with me.

ReplyReply
mygif

…I’m sorry, did you forget to mention he lived in the SOMBRERO GALAXY?

ReplyReply
mygif

‘Gay’ is not actually the opposite of ‘manly’, Chris.

ReplyReply
mygif
Matthew Johnson said on March 12th, 2009 at 10:35 am

It’s a rare case where you can tell the writers of the entry are actually making fun of the character: “There is simply not room here to list the powers he has displayed so far.”

ReplyReply
mygif
Sofa King said on March 12th, 2009 at 10:37 am

True. I mean, Superman wears a costume his mommy made. Is that manly?

ReplyReply
mygif

The Earth-One version of Sean Connery is awesome.

ReplyReply
mygif

Wow. Further proof that Thursdays on MGK are the best days in all the interwebs.

I know I promised to stop spamming so help me God, but God only helps those who help themselves and you guys will dig this:

http://fullbodytransplant.wordpress.com/2009/03/12/bring-your-own-squid/

Back on the wagon…

ReplyReply
mygif
David Wright said on March 12th, 2009 at 11:27 am

Okay, I was delighted by the Sombrero Galaxy myself, picturing all the inhabitants wearing great big floppy hats. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

And, there’s this sentence:

“He soon discovered the menaces were created by the people themselves with a strange chanting power in a plot to secretly fill him with a type of energy that would make it possible for them to sacrifice him to a space creature which was the source of their power.”

I can’t even begin to diagram that sucker. At a rough estimate, I’d say there are 8,000 prepositions in it. Though the more I read it, the more it falls into an almost poetic pattern. Very soothing.

ReplyReply
mygif
NCallahan said on March 12th, 2009 at 11:31 am

Vartox is clearly the inspiration for Dr. Manhattan. If you say otherwise? You are, my friend, saying bullshit.

ReplyReply
mygif

Can you really trick someone into accompanying you somewhere voluntarily?

ReplyReply
mygif

(Alan Moore has a secret love of thigh-high leather boots, Speedos, and shirtless vest-wearing.)

He thinks it’s a secret?

ReplyReply
mygif
Lister Sage said on March 12th, 2009 at 11:54 am

(Alan Moore has a secret love of thigh-high leather boots, Speedos, and shirtless vest-wearing.)

This is way Vartox’s clothing is manly, because Alan Moore says so.

ReplyReply
mygif
ps238principal said on March 12th, 2009 at 12:06 pm

So what’s the square thing sticking out of the calf on his right boot? Unless it’s specifically cited, I’m going to assume it’s where he keeps his Marlboro Reds because he doesn’t have any sleeves to roll them up in.

ReplyReply
mygif
RobotKeaton said on March 12th, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Is he just splashing water at that asteroid? Because I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna work.

ReplyReply
mygif
Cookie McCool said on March 12th, 2009 at 12:47 pm

I’m pretty sure that’s hairspray, not water.

ReplyReply
mygif

Vartox is clearly the inspiration for Dr. Manhattan. If you say otherwise? You are, my friend, saying bullshit.

Impossible. I don’t see a giant blue penis anywhere on that man.

ReplyReply
mygif

“Alan Moore has a secret love of thigh-high leather boots, Speedos, and shirtless vest-wearing.”

…Secret?”

ReplyReply
mygif

I actually watched Zardoz last week. I can truthfully say they don’t make movies like that anymore.

ReplyReply
mygif

He thinks it’s a secret?

Only MGK thinks it’s a secret. It makes him feel clever for noticing.

ReplyReply
mygif
jessnevins said on March 12th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

“(Alan Moore has a secret love of thigh-high leather boots, Speedos, and shirtless vest-wearing.)”

WHO TOLD YOU THAT THAT WAS A SECRET

ReplyReply
mygif

Impossible. I don’t see a giant blue penis anywhere on that man.

Dr Manhattan (and Ron Jeremy) wrote to him requesting he wear pants, because they were feeling inadequate.

Vartox once made Lobo cry just by taking off his Speedo.

ReplyReply
mygif
DistantFred said on March 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm

“amazing array of hyper-powers”
“Sombrero Galaxy”
“bionic twin”

Frankly, I’m amazed Grant Morrison didn’t strongarm this guy into Final Crisis somehow.

ReplyReply
mygif

The only thing that could possibly make Vartox seem sensible is if he were the psychic extension of some childlike god figure who wanted to play superhero. That would explain why his powers are indeterminable (an array of things) and yet they increase with his every appearance.

But yeah, the guy desperately needs a makeover.

ReplyReply
mygif

“Is he just splashing water at that asteroid? Because I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna work.”

No, what he’s [i]doing[/i] is an array of things with it. With his various kinds of energy.

ReplyReply
mygif

I’m sorry, but am I reading correctly that he’s from “the Sombrero Galaxy”?

ReplyReply
mygif

Time-Scanoscope? i love comics

ReplyReply
mygif
Rob Brown said on March 13th, 2009 at 2:34 am

The lack of a trial is bad, but if I had the choice between spending 60 years in prison or aging 60 years in a matter of seconds, I would rather age fast.

Dr Manhattan (and Ron Jeremy) wrote to him requesting he wear pants, because they were feeling inadequate.

People are going to start talking about Osterman’s schlong like they used to talk about Chuck Norris, aren’t they?

ReplyReply
mygif

The Who’s Who picture really doesn’t do him justice. In the old action comics where he becomes a security guard (and he’s a security guard for the TV station in Metropolis where Clark works [and by the by, that’s got to be the stupidest part of Superman’s colorful life. I mean it’s established that people don’t figure out who Superman is because in part Clark isn’t really a public figure and he goes out of his way to change his voice and posture from HEROIC Superman to WIMPY Clark Kent. How does that work as a TV Anchor?]) Vartox is rocking the handlebar ‘stash and a receeding hairline. And his costume looks a lot more like the loincloth/thigh-high-boots/bandoleers look that Connery sports in Zardoz.

And the best part: His superpowers are so super that he can “Hyper-hypnotize” people into thinking that he’s Superman (shades of Saturn Girl) AND as a side-effect of his awesomeness his home planet vibrates enough to explodes.

ReplyReply
mygif
MattMinus said on March 13th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

I actually have, and have recently read, his first appearance. One of the array of things that he could do was attack with “remote control blows”.

ReplyReply
mygif

About thirty years ago, in a waiting room, I read part of a Superman comic that had him battling some superpowerful guy who was succumbing to some bizarre disease that covered him with big polka-dots. No, seriously. Ever after, I wondered who that guy was, and what was going on. At long last, I think I’ve answered the first part, because the fellow wore a vest with no shirt and had an awesome ‘stache. I’m still not sure what was going on, but presumably it was the consequence of a whole array of things provoked by his emission of various forms of energy.

ReplyReply
mygif

You gotta love Curt Swan’s idea of macho.

ReplyReply
mygif

[…] supposedly artsy reputation, is CHOCKABLOCK FULL OF NERDS. Then I spied an old Action Comics with Vartox on the cover, and Matt explained that someone had asked for a sketch of Vartox wrestling Emma Peel […]

mygif

Actually, the Sombrero Galaxy is a real thing.

ReplyReply
mygif

And he’s back!

ReplyReply
mygif

As a date for Power Girl?!

ReplyReply
mygif

[…] here’s the other thing: Maaldor is kind of awesome in a low-rent B-list Vartox sort of way. He’s a full-on godly being who speaks of himself exclusively in the third person […]

mygif
ChastMastr said on March 17th, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Man, I love Vartox. :) Always have, always will. I actually tracked down some of the art from his very first appearance. :)

ReplyReply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Please Note: Comment moderation may be active so there is no need to resubmit your comments