EVEN WHEN BATMAN IS A MOUSE, HE WILL STILL HAVE A PLAN TO KICK YOUR ASS.

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JANINE (a friend): So, FYI: Down’s Syndrome jokes? Not the new hotness.
ME: I had heard.
JANINE: Man, did I ever get burned by that fad.
ME: That’s what you get for thinking Dane Cook is funny.
JANINE: Cystic fibrosis? Not funny either.
ME: Lupus, on the other hand, is always funny. Say it with me. Luuuuuuuuuupus.
JANINE: You know what’s [...]

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SUV sales as share of total auto market are rising.
Because gas prices will never be high again!

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Igor Panarin’s breakup scenario for the United States has been getting play in the media lately. It’s not particularly new; I remember reading about Panarin’s crackpot bullshit a couple of years ago. But it’s still extremely stupid. Seriously, take a look at this map:

That is some seriously stupid crap right there.
Okay, first off – the [...]

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Duke Nukem Forever tops Wired’s Annual Vaporware List this year again, and seriously, I have to ask: who gives a shit about Duke Nukem? I mean, really?
I’m not just talking about “giving a shit about Duke Nukem” in the sense that it has been years and a lot since Duke Nukem 3D came out (what [...]

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My weekly TV column is up at not-quite-dead-yet Torontoist, which is also undergoing a site reformat. And lemme tell you, this week was a doozy.

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BEST PICTURE:
In order of likelihood:
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Milk
The Dark Knight
Wall-E
I think Slumdog and Button are locks – they both have a shitload of critical acclaim, a lot of awards and award nominations, and most importantly they’re getting award nominations at the right time (the Golden Globe and Screen Actors’ Guild award noms [...]

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…I can’t help but get oogy when I read something like “scientists plan to ignite a tiny, man-made star.”
Look, I know how fusion energy theoretically is supposed to work and I know that the “star” will be tiny and not innately self-sustaining. But even so, scientists really have to come up with a better way [...]

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Super Mario 63. Quite possibly the best Flash version of a Mario game I have ever seen.
(Seriously, I will never be able to understand Flash game developers working at this level of intrinsic detail. “I am going to spend two years of my life coding a game that can be played for weeks straight, but [...]

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And I was wondering, “man, why don’t they just call this show Gold-Digging Whores and be done with it?”
Seriously – when the one girl started complaining that the “millionaire” with the perfectly nice apartment didn’t “live like a millionaire” because he wasn’t spending all his money on, I don’t know, gold-plated sofas or some shit [...]

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And one final Christmas miracle for you (although this is fairly mundane and not so miraculous as some miracles, but): remember that little kid with cerebral palsy whose pony was being taken away? It turns out that he will get to keep his pony after all. So that’s good!
Right. Barring an event that I feel [...]

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Directly quoting Dennis Prager:
It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.
Also:
A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost [...]

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(Okay, it’s supposed to be molten gold.)

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My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.

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Over the past few years, there’s been an increasing trend in the comics fan community to praise comics for “awesomeness,” where the term is generally used to describe a willingness to cut-and-paste/mix-and-match various genre elements for additional thrill value. When people describe Jason Aaron’s run on Ghost Rider, for example, they’ll talk about how Ghost [...]

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LISA (my sister): So I have to say – living in Montreal, you really get an idea of how racist people are.
ME: How so?
LISA: Well, you watch the CBC in English, and it’s all “Members of the whatever community continued to express concern about whatever.” Then you switch to the French CBC, and it’s all [...]

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Right now Apache is being a bit of a little bitch and keeps hanging (or crashing, one of them). Rest assured Top Staff are working on the problem.
In the meantime, here is Achievement Unlocked, which is joyfully meta.

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