You really have to wonder about comic book writers sometimes and if they’re not just playing a gag on you. Such is the reaction I get when I look at The Gang. They look like a comic book writer got inspired on a trip to Bulk Barn. “Hey, what if we had no-name brand X supervillains?”
Hence, The Gang. You have Brains, with the red uniform, who is the Smart One. You have Kong, with the green uniform, who is the Strong One. You have Ms. Mesmer, in yellow, who is The One With The Gimmick. And you have Bulldozer, in blue, who is Also The Strong One. (Presumably they felt that Ms. Mesmer having a thing was almost too individual, so they doubled down and made Bulldozer a shorter version of Kong with a slightly different fighting style.) If The Gang were pills, they would all be generic aspirins.
No coincidence that they made their debut in The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl, quite possibly one of the dullest comic books of all time. (Seriously, go track it down sometime. Then pawn off the books on somebody else. That is how dull they are; you have to witness it to understand it. They are the event horizon of dull.)
I want this entry to be longer, but The Gang is just so goddamned plain. It’s like talking about vanilla ice cream, and not good vanilla or French vanilla or vanilla mint; The Gang are the vanilla ice cream you get for $2.99 at the back of the freezer, the one you know probably gets made with artificial vanilla extract and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. It tastes like inoffensiveness.
Top comment: I’m surprised you didn’t notice that out of a group of criminals supposedly determined not to go to jail, the one named “Brains” is the only one not concealing her face. — 01d55
Related Articles
32 users responded in this post
In the background shot, what the fuck is Brains doing? I can see the two strong ones going riot, and the yellow one hypnotizing a guy, but the hot one is, what, zombie-dancing?
I’m surprised you didn’t notice that out of a group of criminals supposedly determined not to go to jail, the one named “Brains” is the only one not concealing her face.
I found the weirdest thing about this group was that they supposedly picked their names from nicknames they were called as kids. So one of them had the nickname “Ms. Mesmer”?!?
I think you’re giving the Gang too little credit. Their very blandness is their exit strategy. They can’t be identified later, because they don’t stick in anyone’s memory. Police interviewing witnesses after the fact have conversations like,
“Could you describe the people who robbed the bank?”
“Um, well… uh… fuck it, I dunno. There was some kinda gang, I think. Maybe they had a fat guy? I couldn’t really tell.”
“So you didn’t get a good look at them?”
“No, I saw ’em just fine, it’s just… I got nothin’ here.”
They’re so bland, trying to identify them by reviewing security tapes just puts people to sleep.
Obviously Ms. Mesmer hung out with the weird kids at school.
Personally, I kind of like their total meh-ness. It seems strange that such a middle-of-the-road bunch hasn’t existed since the Golden Age, causing mild trouble for B-list superheroes every couple of years when the writer wants to draw ironic commentary on how clever their own villains are. You could easily make their forgettableness into a great gimmick, with a lot of potential for running gags.
See? What Burke said.
“Their meteoric rise in the music industry chopped tragically short by the loss of their leader Kool, the Gang turned to a life of crime.”
I’m slightly annoyed that they didn’t go even more generic with the names. Something like “Brains”, “Brawn”, “Looks” and “Muscle”. Or “Smart Chick”, “Tough Guy”, “Psychic Gal” and “Strong Dude”. Or something. “Ms. Mesmer” and “Kong” just have too much personality to be names of people in something called “The Gang”.
So the music industry, at least, was spared.
God, how do you manage to be sillier than the Wrecking Crew?
My initial reaction to seeing Bulldozer’s face shot was “Dr. Bong?”.
equinox216: You win. lol
Jer: “Strong Dude” instantly had me thinking “Big McLargehuge”.
Maybe the Gang is a “decoy” villain group? A more impressive 2nd (or even 3rd) tier villain goes and gets some community college kids or out of work porn actors or whatever, slaps some costumes on them, gives them super powers (actually a limited duration super boost which may or may not be fatal), and then sends them out to commit robberies or whatever else the villain can con them into doing for themselves that’ll attract superhero attention. Then, while the hero is dealing with the temps, the main villain goes and does whatever he wants.
The thing about “The Gang” is that there have been several iterations of it. To the point that it’s getting harder and harder for the villain to con new schlubs to take the place of the old ones as everybody’s heard The Gang is just a bunch of a losers (even if they don’t realize it’s a revolving set of losers each time).
real Gang of Four, there.
So many characters killed for cheap shock value, and somehow the Gang is not among them? Ah, but they only ever fought the pre-Crisis Supergirl, so maybe they were just the only characters who haven’t since been re-created. It’s hard to argue with, but still, they’ve got to be floating in Limbo, watching the DCU and saying “now they’ll even bring back Terra-Man, but not us? Christ.”
I dunno, Ms. Mesmer appears to mesmerise people by making them stare at her chest. What’s not to like? I say we bring her back and pit her against Power Girl. “Your titnotising powers won’t work on *me*, Power Girl!” “Oh yeah? Well yours won’t work on *me* either!” “I’m the one wearing a mask!” “I…oh crud…” “Ha HA! And with my camera phone and Google Latitude, I will pwn you!”
I’d like to take this time to remind everyone that Chris Claremont actually created a character called ‘Strong Guy.’
It’s a sad commentary on the lack of social mobility in modern society that, when you’re from the projects, even a cute young blonde supergenius has to turn to a life of crime.
Has Brains tried posing for _Playboy_? They seem to be getting a little desperate….
I think that Chris Claremont actually created a character named “Guido”. Peter David dubbed him Strong Guy when he joined the second X Factor team. He still hadn’t picked a name at their first press conference, and some reporter (or maybe just the guy from TMZ) said that he must be the strong guy, since every group had to have one. Because, well, Peter David, he rolled with it.
Lawnmower Boy: The Gang are getting desperate or Playboy is? Cause either statement sounds valid to me.
Katzedecimal: Are you suggesting that Power Girl should build a rogue’s gallery based around rivalries about breast size? Cause if you are that is a comic I want to read.
Could the GLI – sans Squirrel Girl – stop them?
I suppose their Northside counterpart would be the Cubs.
Packerchu: Hmm. Well, Big Bertha could take either Kong or Bulldozer one on one easily. I can’t say for sure for two on one. If Katzedecimal is right about Ms. Mesmers breast’s being the source for her powers then you use Flat Man against her since he’s gay and it wouldn’t effect him. Using Doorman against Bulldozer would be perfect since ‘Dozer’s powers are useless against DM. So that leaves Brain vs Mr. Immortal, which is a pretty fair fight since it doesn’t say that Brain has any real combat abilites and has useless as Mr. I normally is at least he has some training. If nothing else he can die on her possibly pinning her to the ground. Grasshopper is killed when Bulldozer knocks over a building during the fight and Hopper jumps right under it.
So, yeah, I think even the GLI could take these guys. That’s gotta be another 10% off them right there.
When they die, do they fall over railings, because railing related deaths are the best ever.
I’m confused by the art. Look at Ms. Mesmer’s left foot in relation to Bulldozer’s right, and then his knee. Whahuh? Also, Kong appears to be dislocating his right shoulder, and I can only assume the women are pressing their breasts against a glass pane?
I’m confused how these losers managed to last five seconds against a Silver Age “oh look, I can juggle planets” Kryptonian. It’s explicitly stated that one of the super strong guys needs a costume to be bulletproof! The only challenge Supergirl should have had was in not killing them by tapping them on the shoulder with her pinky.
Even the artist recognized their lameness and couldn’t make a real effort, so he copied/mirrored the pose of the two women (with a lightbox, since this is from the 80’s.)
“Why won’t my hips unsway?!”
Also, is Mr Green puting the moves on the photographer, with that raised eyebrow and all?
At least Bulldozer and Kong appeared post Crisis in an issue of JLA, where Triumph killed them. So yeah…
And you could do a three part Who’s Who with the Council and Matrix Prime the next two weeks.
@Lister Sage:
Actually I had been thinking more along the lines of “The Boobies! They do nothing!!” I mean think about it, for years Power Girl has relied on her Magical Cleavage Window to distract her enemies and allow her to KO them while they’re gobsmacked. So, what she needs is a line of villains on whom this does not work. After the initial shock of “Oh noes!”, PG would be forced to come up with other methods of capturing the baddie. Ms. Mesmer, obviously, because her picture up there shows her mesmerising a guy with her mammaries, so being the exact same trick as PG’s, clearly she would be immune (plus the ensuing battle of the two trying to hypnotise each other with their breasts would have all the adolescent fanbois shelling out their iPod money for *months.*) But now that I think about it, there are so many other potentials: Dr. Love, the twisted ob/gyn who created the mutant children of Helix in “Infinity, Inc.”. The Pied Piper, since they seem intent on revillainising him anyways, let’s put him where he’ll do some good. Ragdoll, who cured himself of testosterone poisoning in the hard-core manner. ….hmm, maybe I should write “Power Girl.”
Jesus Christ, who DREW this?! It’s an affront to my senses.
That G… they ought to call themselves the Generics. THough that name’s actually more memorable than The Gang.
Brains has no powers?
Going by her headshot in the upper right of rhe entry, she’s Godiva of the Global Guardians with straighter hair. 😉
As for the art…Carmine Infantino apparently drew this.