19
Sep
18
Sep
Sonia Sotomayor, commenting during oral argument in the Citizens United case which challenges campaign finance restrictions on corporations:
“[Judges] created corporations as persons, gave birth to corporations as persons… There could be an argument made that that was the court’s error to start with…[imbuing] a creature of state law with human characteristics.”
That is huge. Applying individual rights to corporate entities is a legal standard that’s been the norm for almost as long as the modern western world has had them; that a judge would challenge this at a Supreme Court level, even in oral argument, is massive. There’s no other way to describe it.
Sonia Sotomayor might well be the dreaded uberliberal the Republicans were terrified of.
18
Sep
This is somewhat old news (in 2009 terms, at least, which is four days ago) that somewhat slipped under the radar, but I was reminded of it when Andrew Hickey’s impressive and exhaustive (but exhaustive in the good way!) “Hyperpost” series got me to thinking about comic book continuity, and the desirability thereof.
To wit: Did anybody see DC is overhauling their Superman/Batman title?
Over the next few months, you’re going to see Superman/Batman actually reflecting major events of the past of the DC Universe. We’re going to be building on other stories, other events, using these characters. So you’re going to see an expansion on Superman/Batman’s role in the post-“Emperor Joker’s” world. So you’re going to see effects of “Emperor Joker” in Superman/Batman. As well as “Our Worlds at War”. There are going to be events that we’re going to be filling out there.
Now, let me just say I haven’t been reading Superman/Batman and don’t intend to start right now. I don’t mean that as a judgment, but rather just to say that I have no vested interest in the title, and so this decision impacts my life in no way whatsoever; I am an entirely outside observer.
That said: It’s damned weird, isn’t it?
I don’t keep up with current sales figures and don’t really know where to look for a complete list, but I am guessing Superman/Batman isn’t selling as much as DC would like it to, right? Hence the shakeup. That makes sense. And DiDio does say the stories will also be tying in with events in the current DC Universe. That also makes sense. You can ignore a Superman/Batman book that’s going on in its own little bubble, but if it’s got a “Blackest Night” banner on it, you’ve got to buy it, right? (Note: You do not actually have to buy it.)
But expanding on past stories? Books like those aren’t known for tearing up the sales charts, are they? Legends of the Dark Knight had 200-plus issues, Legends of the DC Universe did okay for a while, and they’re still putting out Batman Confidential. But Superman Confidential only lasted 14 issues. JLA and JSA Classified are gone and not terribly missed. Untold Tales of Spider-Man was well-regarded (and don’t think I didn’t love it), but cancelled after 25 issues; Webspinners: Tales of Spider-Man only made it to 18.
Also, look at the specific examples DiDio uses. “Emperor Joker” and “Our Worlds At War,” circa 2000-01. All right, here is where I admit something to you: I bought both of those crossovers when they first came out. (I was in high school and had a part-time job, so I had money but little responsibility; I have never bought more monthly superhero comics on a regular basis before or since, and I probably never will again.) “OWAW” reads like a hamhanded commentary on 9/11 and the national mood in its aftermath, although strangely it came out just a few months before. “Emperor Joker,” on the other hand, a story where the Joker gets access to Mr. Mxyzptlk’s powers and remakes the world in his own image, I remember as being thoroughly decent; not great, not awful, but entertaining enough for what it was.
And yet, I have no interest in this whatsoever. I thought “Emperor Joker” was already too long at nine issues spread over two months. And an “expansion of Superman/Batman’s role” in the storyline? The story was all about Superman and Batman in the first place. It’d be one thing to ask, “What was going on with these characters during a crossover in which they were only marginal figures?” This is like saying you’re going to retell Spider-Man’s origin from Spider-Man’s perspective.
Mr. DiDio: I do not often agree with your editorial decisions, but I am not the sort to wave my arms about and call you an idiot. I realize that being EiC of a superhero comic book company is a demanding but somewhat thankless job. Nevertheless, I have to say I fear you have made a grave miscalculation here. Because I am the target audience for this book; older fans probably care more about stuff like “Invasion!” or “Legends,” and younger fans have never heard of “Our Worlds At War.” This should be right in my nostalgia wheelhouse, and yet “Emperor Joker” is maybe a notch below Deep Blue Something in the grand hierarchy of Things I Cared About In High School.
So I have to ask, who is supposed to be buying this comic, if not me? And why is DC pushing “untold tales” when “untold tales” are rarely sales successes?
It may not surprise you to hear that I have a theory, but it can wait until next week. But let me know in the meantime — does this strike anyone else as a baffling strategy, or is it just my problem?
18
Sep
…but watching Andy Richter absolutely destroy Wolf Blitzer at Celebrity Jeopardy is delicious.
Mostly because the questions were so goddamned easy, as befits Celebrity Jeopardy. Dana Delany at least seemed to know what she was doing and was just getting beaten to the punch on the buzzer, but Wolf Blitzer was just flailing at answers. How can the lead anchor for CNN not know that Lyndon Johnson decided not to run for re-election in 1968? He ended up with nearly negative five thousand dollars; that’s a score more suited to a Celebrity Jeopardy sketch on Saturday Night Live.
17
Sep
The Tarantula is interesting in that everything that’s been done with him in the modern era is effectively unconnected to the Golden Age rendition of the character. After all, if you’ve read any of the Golden Age appearances of the character, he’s probably one of the most generic mystery men out there. A boring yellow-and-purple costume (which would later be adopted by the Wesley Dodds version of the Sandman in a weird coincidence), boring stories, boring name (come on, his name is literally “Johnny Law”), and token gimmick: suction cups on his boots so he could walk up walls.
And that was pretty much it. Unlike a lot of the Golden Age heroes DC bought over the years, the Tarantula was boring and one-note: he wasn’t that successful in the Golden Age (his run in Star-Spangled Comics was pretty brief) and didn’t do anything memorable, unlike for example the entire Justice Society, which really was an all-star assortment of characters back in the day.
So when he was brought into the All-Star Squadron in the 80s, he was effectively a blank slate. What Roy Thomas and Jerry Ordway did was take the name and create an interesting story hook: John Law wanted to write a book about superheroes, so he became one. They added a “wirepoon gun” that fired “thin but superstrong” nylon cord as his version of a spider’s web-shooter: a joke on the fact that in Tarantula’s first Golden Age appearance, somebody called him a “spider man.”
The “why does he have the same costume as Sandman” thing was resolved by having Dian Belmont design a costume for Wes, and then when Wes initially rejected it John took it for his own use, but eventually decided to go his own route and thus Jerry Ordway (who, incidentally, had one of the best artistic runs on any superhero comic ever when he worked on All-Star Squadron) created one of the more memorable and successful costume revamps in comics: the Tarantula’s new outfit still feels “Golden Agey” but adds a welcome touch of modern complexity.
The result of all this was to take a character who was the definition of “fringe” and make him into a mainstay of one of DC’s more successful team books for about fifty issues. That’s the definition of a successful reintroduction of a character. Tarantula might not be a star player, but he filled his role in the Squadron very well.
16
Sep
Is there any good reason why politicians who leave or are voted out of office shouldn’t be executed?
continue reading "Welcome to “Prescription Medication-Induced Reflections with Andrew Foley”"
16
Sep
So the Tories up here in the Theoretically Frozen North have managed to stave off an election once again, and what irks me is that they did exactly what they pilloried the Liberals and NDP for doing last year: namely, they got the Bloc on their side with governmental concessions. Somehow I doubt the screaming harpy chorus that cried out “cooperation with the Bloc is treason” when Stephane Dion suggested that maybe the parties which received the support of a majority of Canadian voters should run things will find their indignation quite so stoked.
People complain about the American media all the time, and with good reason, but the Canadian media has its own set of quirks that can really be annoying. One of them is the conceit that governing in Canada’s seemingly permanent minority government environment is difficult, and it simply isn’t. The Harper government figured out the two-part secret of how to do it a long time ago: run policy through the Prime Minister’s office and administrative channels of the government rather than legislating through Parliament, and bribe the Bloc whenever things get dicey.1 The fact that the Harper Tories have figured out this relatively simple equation and the Canadian media by and large has not is depressing; the fact that the Harperites could figure it out and then be basically dogshit at the actual job of governance, moreso.
Still, we’re most likely stuck with the useless assholes for another couple of years until the Liberals realize that Michael Ignatieff was a huge, huge mistake. (For American readers: Michael Ignatieff is kind of like Evan Bayh, except you want to punch him in the face even more.)
16
Sep
Your guest judges this week are Dan “Best Judge In SYTYCD History Who Is Not Jason Coleman From Australia” Karaty and… Karen Kain? For reals? Holy shit.
Melanie and Cody: hip-hop. There isn’t too much to say here: this was fantastic, another example of how Luther Brown can choreo hip-hop without any need for elaborate stuntwork and still be better than just about anybody else. Melanie continues to be ridiculously good at almost everything. Cody was in his element and did not disappoint. Karen Kain starts off an entire evening of being absolutely goddamned awesome by admitting that she can’t accurately judge hip-hop technique, but then critiques them on their general physicality and presence absolutely brilliantly.
Amy and Vincent: cha-cha. Amy was a lot better this week than she was in her first week doing salsa. This is not to say that she danced it like a white girl, because she did, but at least she danced it like a skilled white girl rather than an awkward, clumsy white girl. Vincent was as predictably excellent as always. Karen Kain, who is awesome, notes that her feet were a bit off in parts, but then politely thanks them for good work. Amy and Vincent are really developing good chemistry together; it’s a pity that I think they’ll have a bit of a challenge making top ten.
Tara-Jean and Everett: house. The judges went wild for this: Dan accurately explaining how difficult house is as a dance style, Karen Kain (who is awesome) admitting her unfamiliarity with the style again but then explaining how good Tara-Jean and Everett’s chemistry is (and it’s very good), Tre just offering props and Jean-Marc being Jean-Marc, but justified for once. This wasn’t quite as good as they said: Everett in particular shorted his steps just a little bit and they were probably lucky that the brief bit of floorwork was brief. And it wasn’t as good as Vincent and Lisa’s house last year. That having been said, this was very strong overall and the first time Tara-Jean and Everett have really impressed me.
Kim and Emanuel: contemporary. Stacey Tookey is mega-exploding-laser levels of hot. I am just saying. This was pretty much perfect. Karen Kain (who is awesome) pointed out quite eloquently that unlike a lot of routines on this show, there was a lot of quiet, non-melodramatic artistry here. GODDAMNIT, KAREN KAIN, STOP BEING AWESOME BECAUSE YOU ARE QUEERING UP MY GIG HERE.
Jayme-Rae and Daniel: disco. Much better disco routine from Melissa Williams this time around after that disaster in the top 20 week. This was… okay? Good, even. But not great: whenever the two of them went to close holds, their footwork got a bit hesitant, and disco needs full commitment, not only to the characters but to the steps. Jayme-Rae also seemed a bit unwilling to really embrace the cheese factor of disco: in comparison I thought Daniel nailed that. Still, they’ve been justifiably popular until now, so they should be safe.
Natalie and Danny: West Coast swing. Pretty much the entire judging panel went “okay, maybe it’s not really West Coast swing, but hey, Benji Schwimmer says it is, so what the hell.” Which is pretty much what it was: Benji being a dance dork and doing whatever the hell he wanted in terms of choreo, throwing in hip-hop and contemporary flourishes wherever he felt it appropriate, and making it work. (SYTYCD nerds will note that Donyelle was his teaching partner and that she’s apparently learned a lot of ballroom since season 2.) Anyway, this was weird (and I fucking hate “Love Lockdown” – fuck you, Kanye, fuck you sideways for your shitty-ass song where you pretend to be minimalist) but very good. Karen Kain (who is awesome) nailed it on the head when she pointed out that Benji designed the routine to take advantage of Natalie and Danny’s respective dancing strengths.
Corynne and Austin: jazz. Choreographed by John Byrne – not the cranky old comics John Byrne but the choreographer John Byrne. (That having been said, please take a minute to make up a John Byrne joke in your head if you are so inclined. I personally like the one where he angrily yells at the dancers not to call Batman “Bats.”) This was very good, a worthy cap to one of the strongest overall episodes of SYTYCD I’ve ever seen. Corynne doing that super-fast running leap in heels was just ridiculous, and Austin’s tricks didn’t feel out of place given the storyline of the piece.
Probable bottom three: (Christ, this is hard this week.) Amy and Vincent, Jayme-Rae and Daniel, Natalie and Danny.
Should go home: Amy and Danny.
Will go home: Amy and Danny.
Should come back every week: Dan Karaty and motherfucking Karen Kain.
15
Sep
If you had any doubt that Rex the Wonder Dog views physics as being strictly optional, watch how he rescues people from burning buildings.
EXTRA BONUS: Proof that Rex the Wonder Dog has walked on the surface of the sun.
14
Sep
Not unexpected, given the pancreatic cancer, but even so.
14
Sep
…that fishermen have discovered a parasite that eats its host fish’s tongue and then lives in its mouth, living off the food the fish consumes?
Gross, huh?
I offer this interesting piece of trivia as evidence there are worse things you can put into peoples’ mouths than words.
Having said that, can YOU tell who didn’t actually say the following? Answers in the footnotes1.
-“Best show some humility when talkin’ to Congress there, boy.” 2
-“I haven’t been arrested for a hit and run all year, therefore that dead guy in the street is totally unrelated to the dead guy-shaped dent in my hood.”3
-“ABC News said more than one and a half million people attended the 9/12 rally. That’s a whole lot of people ABC News says are totally real and I do not have a small penis.”4
-“Kanye West made a mockery of the VMAs, utterly destroying the long-standing tradition of solemn contemplation and celebration of the achievements of the best the popular performing arts have to offer.”5
-“Kanye West is a total dick.”6
-“I just want to say we need to collectively take a breath. This whole thing’s gotten out of hand and we all just need to calm down people before it al”7
-“We never said More than a million people attended the 9/12 project. Fuck no, that’s crazy talk, whoever said that is a pathetic liar with penis issues.”8
-“I can’t say comment on the Disney/Marvel merger but that’s no reason for me not to give a lengthy, uninformative interview on the subject this one time.”9
-“Shit, I should really post something on MGK today…”10
“Actual results may differ materially from those expressed or implied. Such differences may result from a variety of factors, including but not limited to:
* legal or regulatory proceedings or other matters that affect the timing or ability to complete the transactions as contemplated;
* the possibility that the expected synergies from the proposed merger will not be realized, or will not be realized within the anticipated time period or that the businesses will not be integrated successfully;
* the possibility of disruption from the merger making it more difficult to maintain business and operational relationships;
* the possibility that the merger does not close, including but not limited to, due to the failure to satisfy the closing conditions;
* any actions taken by either of the companies, including but not limited to, restructuring or strategic initiatives (including capital investments or asset acquisitions or dispositions);
* and developments beyond the companies’ control, including but not limited to: changes in domestic or global economic conditions, competitive conditions and consumer preferences;
* adverse weather conditions or natural disasters; health concerns; international, political or military developments; and technological developments.
“Additional factors that may cause results to differ materially from those described in the forward-looking statements are set forth in the Annual Report on Form 10-K of Disney for the year ended September 27, 2008, which was filed with the SEC on November 20, 2008, under the heading “Item 1A—Risk Factors” and in the Annual Report on Form 10-K of Marvel for the year ended December 31, 2008, which was filed with the SEC on February 27, 2009, under the heading “Item 1A—Risk Factors,” and in subsequent reports on Forms 10-Q and 8-K and other filings made with the SEC by each of Marvel and Disney.” -Marvel Comics Editor in Chief Joe Quesada [↩]
14
Sep
My weekly TV column is up at Torontoist.
14
Sep
The Jack White “Where The Fuck Is The Fucking Bass” Award For The Pretty Great Song That Would Be An All-Time Classic If It Had A Fucking Bass Line goes to “Stillness Is The Move” by Dirty Projectors. Because, damn, just imagine this song with a thumping bass groove to counter those airy vocals and the great guitar hook. It needs BASS.1
On the bright side, there is a llama in the video.
The N’Sync Memorial Award For Shameless Use Of Pop Formulae goes to “Evacuate the Dancefloor” by Cascada, a song that so bluntly says “this is going to be a hit dance single” – complete with slightly incongruous use of rap as a bridge – that they probably should have just called it that, but despite all that it is still a really great dance song. (As Paul O’Brien once said of another Cascada song, “By thirty seconds in, it’s as subtle as a brick to the face. And then, at the one minute mark, it reaches for a second brick.”)
This song also wins the “most likely to get used multiple times on So You Think You Can Dance in multiple genres” award.
The U2 Brand Award For Best U2 Song By U2 goes to “Magnificent” by U2 and Blackberry.
The Fuck You Your Hyped Song Is Shit And I Am Not Embedding A Youtube For It Award goes to “So Fine” by Telepathe (sounds like every hipster cliche rolled up into one terrible synthesized ball) AND “Happy Up Here” by Royksopp (the techno-pop equivalent of wallpaper) AND “Blame It” by Jamie Foxx (T-Pain: See what you have wrought? Curl up in a ball and die, T-Pain. Curl up in a ball and die).
The Award For Having The Sake Of An Award So I Can Mention The Song Award goes to “One Day” by The Juan Maclean.
The Hip-Hop Is Not Dead Despite What You Might Think Award goes to “ABCs” by K’naan. His flow is sick, and although I haven’t given the new Mos Def a listen yet I’m willing to call Troubadour the best hip-hop album of the year unless Common manages to sneak out his next album before the year ends, in which case there will be a big rhyme-fight IN MY DREAMS.
The Whitest Person In Dance Music Award goes to Ilan Kidron of the Potbelleez, seen here in “Trouble Trouble.”
His attempts to be cool at the rave here are whiter than Jean-Claude Van Damme showing off his moves in the video for “Straight To My Feet” by Hammer and Deion Sanders, the previous standard-bearer for white people trying to get down in the whitest possible way. Which is a shame, because in every other respect the Potbelleez are goddamned fantastic.
The Kelly Clarkson “Idol Sings Song That Is Actually Very Good” Award goes to “Battlefield” by Jordin Sparks. It takes about forty seconds for the song to hit greatness. And it’s really annoying that it is a great song, because, seriously. Jordin Sparks.2 Karmically, Jordin Sparks is owed nothing more than inoffensive pap a la your Duffs or Cyrusses or your Jonii. It’s not like she wrote this or anything; some songwriter thought “hey, get someone with good pipes to sing “A BATTLEFIELD” over and over again and it will be amazing for reasons no one can adequately explain,” and they were right.
Fuck, why does that song have to be so goddamn good?
The Thank God The Best Song Of The Year So Far Has Nothing To Do With Jordin Sparks Award goes to “Moth’s Wings” by Passion Pit. “Sleepyhead” is getting all the hype and play, but this one is better: anthemic and ambitious and sweeping and just great.
13
Sep
Recently there has been an internet kerfuffle about a scene in Amazing Spider-Man #603, wherein the Chameleon, while impersonating Peter Parker, has sex with Peter’s roommate Michelle (because she of course believes him to be Peter). A number of fans have called out writer Fred Van Lente for using rape as a plot device in a comic book. So people naturally emailed me (a lot of people), all to the general gist of “hey, is that rape?”
The answer is: maybe.
continue reading "The Odd Legal Ramifications Of Dmitri Smerdyakov"
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