If there is a person who isn’t deeply impressed with this I’d be surprised.
22
Jun
I know a lot of my readership tend to be more scientifically inclined than me, so I’ll ask:
the Large Hadron Collider is set to power up next month. Now, I’m generally of the belief that scientists aren’t blitheringly stupid when it comes to danger, so I suspect the arguments made in this paper have been refuted somewhere, but where could I find that?
EDIT TO ADD: Okay, it took me a while (Google is occasionally unhelpful since most of the hits are going to the alarmist pages), but this page is a good counter.
If we’re going to get an animated Star Wars film, why on earth are we getting the Clone Wars, which has already had live-action movies and an animated series and potentially a live-action series in the future about it – instead of, and this is just off the top of my head, an adaptation of the Heir to the Empire trilogy by Timothy Zahn, AKA “the only good Star Wars novels ever?”
I mean, seriously – you get together a thousand nerds, and say “would you rather have animated Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala and nameless Jedi #6, or animated Han Solo, Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker” and you know you’re going to get 999 people voting for “never tell me the odds!” and one person complaining that we can’t get a CGI adaptation of Dune or something.
21
Jun
Read the whole thing.
20
Jun
19
Jun
Great works of art, reimagined with Sesame Street characters.
19
Jun
The Liberal Party released their carbon taxation plan today, and I’d say it’s… okay. It does a lot of what a carbon taxation scheme should, of course, but it misses two major points.
Firstly, there’s no tax on gasoline. I understand that gasoline taxes are unpopular, but the lack of a gas tax in a carbon taxation plan when you are taxing literally every other fossil fuel seems like staggering pandering to me. I don’t even think a gas tax is unsellable – say “look, we’re going to tax gas, yes, but the gas taxes are going to be specifically redirected into a fund to improve public transportation so that in five years you can take a hybrid bus from Chilliwack to the Bay of Fundy or from your home to your grandma’s back yard.” The longer you let people think that their old lifestyles are sustainable – and they just aren’t – the harder it’s going to be to tell them the truth.
Secondly, the tax is revenue-neutral, erring on the side of costing a bit of money. I understand that the Liberals want to make carbon taxation as painless as possible by lowering income taxes at the same time. But this idea is flawed for two reasons:
1.) We desperately need massive energy infrastructure investment. Canada has too much oil power generation as it is; we need to replace that with solar, tidal and wind ASAP, and additional revenues created by a carbon tax in the short term could help fund these initiatives.
2.) Carbon taxation in the short run is revenue neutral, but in the long run it is presumably revenue-lowering because given time everybody will find ecological ways to avoid paying the tax. Which is good, but that means eventually you have to jack income taxes back up to compensate. I don’t look forward to the squabbling when that happens.
Still, on the whole, it’s an all-right plan, a solid B+ effort. Could have been much, much worse.
Also: 350.
19
Jun
Cat Deeley is awesome.
Chelsea and Thayne: “jazz” (contemporary). Predictably, the judges praise Mandy Moore because on the American SYTYCD it is almost never the choreographer’s fault when a routine is bad. Except this time it very clearly was; Mandy Moore took an exciting piece of music and choreographed a lot of stately walking to it. Chelsea and Thayne did their best with it, and got shit on. (Thayne in trouble has problems dancing in the strong, masculine style expected on this show; it’s just not his forte. Which is fine, but if you’re going to be gay on this show, you’ve got to be able to hide it, or the teenaged girls won’t vote for you.) It sucked. Potential bottom three.
Chelsie and Mark: Argentine tango. Excellent, intricate work here; Mark in particular deserves mention for exquisite partnering. Chelsie was perhaps a bit standoffish at points, but Mark made up for it fantastically. Arguably the best tango on this show, ever. (Which, in fairness, forces one to consider that previous tangoes on this show have been, at best, a mixed bag.)
Jessica and Will: hip-hop. Will did a serviceable job here this week, much better than last week – which, the judges’ insistence otherwise, was fucking horrible – and Jessica was mediocre at best, hitting most of the moves reasonably well but continually a beat behind Will, who was perfectly on time. That having been said, although I think Will is decent, I don’t understand the judges’ need to keep giving him fucking verbal blowjobs; he hasn’t particularly demonstrated anything so far to show that he’s more than just a good contemporary dancer who can cross genres acceptably. I’m not saying he’s not potentially better than he appears; I think he very well could be. But he hasn’t done it, and it’s annoying to see Nigel prematurely blather on about him being a lock for the top 4 when he has yet to deliver an honest-to-god killer performance.
Kourtni and Matt: foxtrot. Foxtrot is one of the tougher nuts on this show. Kourtni and Matt did an okay job, but nothing particularly memorable, and certainly not effortlessly classy in the way a good foxtrot needs to be. You could see the cracks, in other words; Kourtni especially seems to be trying all the time, and that’s not good. Matt is the most boring human being alive. Potential bottom three.
Courtney and Gev: contemporary. This was a nice little routine, although I suspect Gev’s early role was toned down a bit considering he just mostly lay around for the first twenty seconds or so. The judges were a bit unfair, but apparently this year they’ve decided on favorites early on. This was fine, a Perfectly Acceptable Bit of Dancing.
Katee and Joshua: Broadway. The judges all came in their pants, and I don’t get it; this was an incredibly hyperactive routine from Tyce Diorio (wait, Tyce Diorio choreograph a routine like he has ADD? I am shocked) and they performed it well enough, but just because it was reminscent of Nigel’s youth doesn’t make it a showstopper. Joshua gets mad props and pimping from the judges especially, which makes no sense; the musical theatre style this show calls “Broadway” is one of the easier routines for any good dancer to morph into, and last week Joshua had hip-hop, his specialty. I’m not saying Joshua isn’t good, I’m just saying maybe the guy could dance in something dramatically opposed to his niche before the fellating begins, is that too much to ask?
Susie and Marquis: salsa. Firstly, Alex da Silva is an asshole; street salsa is “real salsa,” not the overproduced ballroom routines he invents. So fuck you, Alex da Silva. That having been said, this was absolutely terrible. I think Susie took way too much flak for the laboured turns; I’ve danced a fair amount of salsa myself and believe me when I say that if a turn is bad, more often than not it’s because the guy is wrenching the girl’s arms the wrong way and she’s trying to compensate without breaking her wrist. But she wasn’t dancing in her hips, either, and you need that in salsa. Marquis is simply terrible and needs to go home; Susie is fairly limited and after the judges’ crusade against her will likely go home tonight. Likely bottom three.
Kherrington and Twitch: “Viennese waltz” (contemporary/waltz hybrid). Okay, so two dancers, dressed all in flowing white, dancing a contemporary waltz routine to a 3/3 time Celine Dion song while barefoot? Where have I seen that before? And it was better that time. Of course, in fairness, Kherrington and Twitch did an excellent job with this as well, both dancing very well; Twitch’s footwork was perhaps at one or two moments a bit clumsy, but he covered it very well and his lines were excellent, and Kherrington’s smile might not be entirely organic but it didn’t jar with the routine, and they partner together very, very organically. And the routine was excellent. Canada (thanks to Jean-Marc Genereux) representin’.
Comfort and Chris: krump. This show seriously needs to give up on krump already; it just doesn’t air on TV well, Like, not at all. Every krump routine they do just sits there and sucks, sucks, sucks; even moreso than quick step, krump has become the ultimate kiss of death on this show. I mean, they’ve had L’il C, one of the inventors of krump, come on the show and stink up the joint with an uninspired performance, and I’ve seen Rize and I know krump can be visually exciting, but it needs to be in-your-face in a way that TV cameras just can’t manage. This was no exception; Comfort held back so as not to make Chris look completely pathetic (which he was, but it’s krump, I can’t blame him) and as a result hamstrung herself. Possible dark horse for bottom three.
Bottom three couples: Susie and Marquis, Chelsea and Thayne, Kourtni and Matt.
Going home: Susie and Marquis.
19
Jun
Mike W. Barr, during his run on the Outsiders, had a real knack for creating mediocre bad-guy teams. The original Force of July set the bar fairly low, and then Mike W. Barr consistently failed to meet that bar of his own creation. The Nuclear Family, the People’s Heroes… he just kept churning them out. Every team had to have a theme of some kind, no matter how silly. It didn’t matter, because his stories were more about the interpersonal relationships within the Outsiders anyway; nobody really cared who the Outsiders beat up because it was secondary to the idea of the comic. But they had to beat up somebody.
At one point, he more or less abandoned the theme method and just went with his gut.
He should not have done that.
Ostensibly, the theme of Strike Force Kobra is “Kobra’s elite team of supervillain mercenaries.” But it’s Kobra. Kobra sucks. He has always sucked; he will always suck. Kobra is the Toledo Mud Hens of DC supervillains. So, in addition to that theme, Mike W. Barr gave them another theme: they would all be based on Batman villains.
Except not so much.
Going through the team in alphabetical order:
Clayface. Not a new concept, but it’s not like there haven’t been heaps of Clayfaces. Adding one more isn’t going to dilute (heh) the Clayface concept. So we’ve got a Clayface. This is an eminently reasonable beginning for a fourth-tier supervillain team.
Elemental Woman. Has powers kind of like Element Lad or Metamorpho, neither of whom was ever a Batman villain. This is the point where you realize the “Batman villains theme” is in fact kind of bullshit and Mike W. Barr was just throwing stuff out there. Regardless, Elemental Woman is a generic supervillainess with a generic name and a generic costume. She is a very President’s Choice supervillain. (Americans may not understand this reference. Please replace “President’s Choice” with your generic supermarket chain-branded food line of choice.)
Planet Master. Planet Master has superpowers based out of his costume, which allow him to simulate the conditions on each of the nine planets. So he can do Mercury (hot), Venus (hot and poisonous), Mars (cold), Jupiter (cold), Saturn (cold), Uranus (cold, makes people snicker), Neptune (hot – I know, you weren’t expecting that!), and before Pluto was downgraded presumably he had access to the amazing coldness of Pluto as well.
But here’s the thing: each planet-power is contained within its own, individual costume. So if for some reason he’s fighting in his Mercury outfit and needs access to his cold powers, he needs to change his costume. Planet Master is the only supervillain in history who presumably brings along a portable changing screen to every super-fight. And why does he need costumes for all the cold planets? Why not just one “cold” planet with whatever additional features are useful (maybe Saturn comes with little rocks or something) and one good “hot” planet. Or, here’s a wacky idea, put all the powers in one costume. It’s just cold and hot – supervillains with both cold and hot powers are not new.
Spectrumonster. A “living bolt of energy” with powers much like Halo of the Outsiders. Created because Halo needed somebody to fight and presumably a monster made of light would be ironic, like in that Alanis song. You know, “Hand In My Pocket.” That’s an ironic song! (Because she doesn’t have a hand in her pocket, you see.) Spectrumonster is redeemed somewhat for being a cool concept and having a decent name, though.
Zebra-Man. Oh, god. Zebra-Man. Guess what his powers are. If you said “something related to zebras” – you’re wrong! Zebra-Man’s powers have nothing to do with zebras; he has the power to shoot rays from his hands which can repel or attract objects. Like a magnet, but not. (Or, for fans of the Zoo Crew, like Yankee Poodle.) However, despite the fact that this power has absolutely nothing to do with zebras, he dresses up like a zebra and calls himself Zebra-Man. I am fairly sure Zebra-Man has a really weird sexual fetish compelling him to do this thing.
So, to sum up: we have two reasonable if nothing-special villains, one very generic villainess, and two of the most impressive losers to come down the pike in a very, very long time.
I’ll give props for Clayface IV, who eventually found some use within the Batman titles during the pretty decent “Mud Pack” storyline. But Spectrumonster sadly got blown up, and as for the rest… ehhh.
18
Jun
Insta-click send-a-letter (not just an email, but a hardcopy) to all significant government parties regarding the new Canadian copyright bill (which is bad). Register your discontent! You know, if you’re Canadian.
18
Jun
…so this week, my article for TheCourt.ca is about Boumediene v. Bush instead.
It counts because we consider American precedents to be somewhat persuasive!
18
Jun
WRITER GUY: So I have this idea for a story.
EDITOR GUY: Hit me!
WRITER GUY: Right, so it’s World War II, and Hitler –
EDITOR GUY: Whoa! Hitler!
WRITER GUY: Right. So Hitler meets this guy –
EDITOR GUY: – and it turns out to be himself! From the future!
WRITER GUY: But he’s dead in the future.
EDITOR GUY: Good point! Good point.
WRITER GUY: I was thinking more it could be a cautionary tale sort of a figure.
EDITOR GUY: Whom Hitler ignores! Because he is Hitler! And then Hitler kills the guy!
WRITER GUY: …why does he kill him?
EDITOR GUY: Because it’s Hitler.
WRITER GUY: Okay.
EDITOR GUY: And the cautionary tale figure, what does he tell Hitler?
WRITER GUY: Well, I was thinking something about the futility of fascism and the indomitability of the human spirit…
EDITOR GUY: BOOOOOOORING.
WRITER GUY: …Captain America is the figure and he punches him in the face again?
EDITOR GUY: Wrong company.
WRITER GUY: Well, how about –
EDITOR GUY: Now, now. I already know who the figure is. But wait. First Hitler kills Eva Braun –
WRITER GUY: But – wait, let me guess. Because he’s Hitler.
EDITOR GUY: Bingo. And then he goes and meets with his master scientists.
WRITER GUY: He had master scientists in the bunker?
EDITOR GUY: He does now. And the master scientists tell him the machine is perfected.
WRITER GUY: What does the machine do?
EDITOR GUY: Right, right. It’s a suspended animation chamber.
WRITER GUY: …why does Hitler need a suspended animation chamber?
EDITOR GUY: Because that way he can fight the Legion of Super-Heroes!
WRITER GUY: But I’m pitching you a story for Weird War Tales.
EDITOR GUY: Again, you have a good point. Okay, he has a suspended animation chamber because every 1100 years, history repeats itself.
WRITER GUY: …it does?
EDITOR GUY: Well, not so much.
WRITER GUY: And nobody’s going to say this doesn’t make sense.
EDITOR GUY: They read Superman comics. He is a guy in red and blue pyjamas who can fly.
WRITER GUY: Fair enough. What does Hitler do next?
EDITOR GUY: Well, he goes into the suspended animation chamber, and then kills the scientists –
WRITER GUY: …how does he do that?
EDITOR GUY: Excellent point! You’re a great writer, you know that? He has a loyal guard kill them.
WRITER GUY: I’m glad I could contribute.
EDITOR GUY: And then Hitler sleeps for 1100 years and wakes up in the future.
WRITER GUY: And the future is like World War II?
EDITOR GUY: Well, it’s future-ish World War II, but yes.
WRITER GUY: And what does Hitler do?
EDITOR GUY: Well, clearly he goes to take over.
WRITER GUY: Because he’s Hitler.
EDITOR GUY: Yes. He’ll have long hair, of course.
WRITER GUY: And a beard?
EDITOR GUY: No, just the little moustache.
WRITER GUY: His hair grew but not his beard?
EDITOR GUY: If he has a beard, how will we know it’s Hitler?
WRITER GUY: Okay. So what happens to Hitler?
EDITOR GUY: Well, he gets nabbed by guards and brought to see Future Space Hitler.
WRITER GUY: And what does Future Space Hitler do?
EDITOR GUY: You’ll like this – Future Space Hitler kills regular Hitler! Just like Hitler killed the portentous figure earlier!
WRITER GUY: Portentous figure?
EDITOR GUY: You know, your portentous figure. The one you wanted to write about.
WRITER GUY: Right.
EDITOR GUY: And it’s ironic!
WRITER GUY: How is it ironic?
EDITOR GUY: Because Hitler is killed by Future Hitler just like Hitler killed the figure, who was clearly past Hitler!
WRITER GUY: …but there never was a past Hitler. Nor, for that matter, suspended animation chambers in the year 900. Or a fascist empire around that time.
EDITOR GUY: Don’t be a negative nelly. You’ve written a fantastic story here! You’ll go places.
Yes, I know I’ve made fun of Paul Levitz here, who edited the piece. But Paul Levitz is an awesome dude and I do so out of love.
17
Jun
17
Jun
In honor of this event, I feel the need to contribute to the “I Am Aware Of All Internet Traditions” meme freshly being birthed into the web.
So.
(because lolcats are now traditional, see)
17
Jun
One of the Harper government’s big national security hullaballooes has been the arrest and trials of the “Toronto 18,” a band of Muslim supposed-terrorists who were conspiring to blow up Parliament. (Of course, they had no idea how to do it until undercover RCMP officers explained to them how to do it, but that is neither here nor there.)
One of the “Toronto 18” is a youth of 17. At his trial this week, it was explained by the RCMP’s own informant that this young man, a recent convert from Hinduism to Islam, had no idea what the group was planning, and believed that the training camp the group set up was a religious retreat.
But wait, it gets better:
Court has heard how the youth was among a dozen people who attended a military-style camp about two hours north of Toronto in December 2005.
While the Crown contends the camp was intended as terrorist training, Mr. Shaikh readily agreed the recruits were told they were going to a religious camp.
“That was the cover story,” Mr. Shaikh said.
“They weren’t told anything about attacking Parliament?” Mr. Chernovsky asked.
“That’s correct,” Mr. Shaikh said.
He said the campers could have viewed wearing fatigues, playing paintball or pretending to be Muslim fighters in Chechnya as a game of cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers, he added.
At one point, he said, the leaders hid in the bushes and made wolf and bear noises.
“They sat in the tent terrified,” court heard of the other campers. “They ended up huddled, shivering in the tent.”
Wolf and bear noises.
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